The Unlikely Pastor's Wife

Ignore or Befriend?

2010-04-06T14:56:00.000-07:00

Today for the first time in what seems like forever, I had time to screw around on the computer.

Actually, I just lied.

I didn't. But I was procrastinating...so in essence, I had time.
Anyway, I went over to my Facebook page and decided to take a gander at the Friends Suggestions Page. I NEVER do this. I am not one to go out "looking" for friends. I did in the beginning because I started doing Facebook before it blew up in social circles and not very many of my friends were on it yet. But then they saw the light and now they are all hooked.

Except one friend. She refuses. Yes, Valentine....I'm talking about you. (ha! She doesn't even read my blog! So she'll never see this. Bambushka GET ON FACEBOOK!)

Sorry....lost focus. (see what happens when you stop blogging).So I took a gander at my friends suggestions page and in the sea of faces I saw......

my Husbands congregation.

Sigh.
I Love them. I do....I love them all. But I started wondering.....should people in your church be Facebook friends?

Some...absolutely! But I'm not talking about the people you see and talk to every week at church or at church activities. I'm talking more about the people you know....but you don't know. The people that the pastor knows and you might know their names, but you know nothing about them.
Is there even a line? Should there be a line?
I don't know.

That is why I bring it to the blogging world. What do you all think?

But here's my last thought. I was thinking...if they wanted to be friends with me they would request me right?

Right.

But they haven't.

So problem solved.

No feelings hurt.

In Case You Didn't Notice

2010-04-06T11:13:00.000-07:00

I'm having a hard time bloggin lately for several different reasons.

Time. Don't have much.

Lack of Inspiration. too busy.

But mostly I have been thinking its all very narcissistic.

Now...my blogging friends....I don't mean you, because frankly, I like reading other people's stuff when I have the time.

But I have been having very funny feelings about the reasons why I blog.
I first started because I wanted to have a place where I could say honest things about me, ministry, kids and life in general. But when I try to blog I have started to edit myself.

Don't want to ruffle the feathers.
Don't want people to worry.
That might be taken the wrong way.

and then I ask...why am I writing this? is it all about me?

I just don't know.

and I'm stuck.

Maybe I'll be unstuck soon.

But I don't know....we'll see.

Blurg!

2010-02-02T13:48:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I'm tired of church

and so frustrated with it, I just want to shout out "BLERG!"

Sometimes I think the pastors are lame (including my hubby).

Sometimes I think committees are lame.

Sometimes I think the people are lame and fake.

Sometimes I think the music is empty, meaningless and lame.

Sometimes I think I am lame and a phony for feeling such things.

I'm glad that Jesus is none of these things.

Totally 'Lost'

2010-02-01T19:35:00.001-08:00

only 24 hours.....

That's right, I'm counting down to one of the most anticipated season premieres.

It's the 6th and finally season of Lost and I can't believe it's already here.

Usually I spend my time reading all the latest news on my favorite tv shows. And Lost is no different. I love reading Doc Jenson's take on Lost , and salivating on all the pretty Lost EW covers.

With the final season about to premiere you would think that I would have scoured the internet for any and all information I could get on the show. But I haven't. Oh...there's alot out there. It's probably all amazing intel...especially since people like Doc are getting interviews with Damon and Carlton (yep, I'm on a first name basis with them. But let us not forget that JJ and Jeffrey are a part of this too.)

I have decided to keep this season premiere pure.

Every time I see an article....I look away.

If I start to hear anything on the radio, I turn the knob.

I want my season premiere viewing to be nothing short of extraordinary.....and I believe it will. Season after season these guys have knocked my socks off....

and I am confident they won't fail me now.

only 24 more hours......and I will be totally 'Lost'.

Prayers for Ronel

2010-01-30T19:51:00.001-08:00

Here's an excerpt from a friend blogger...please read.....and help.

prayers for Ronel

My heart is heavy tonight for the adoptive parents who are still waiting to get their children home from Haiti, and for the children who wait in the balance. Since we got Kembert out last week, things have changed dramatically. On January 18th, the US government announced it was granting humanitarian parole for orphans already in the process of adoption. This made perfect sense: these children were shown to be eligible for adoption prior to the earthquake. The Haitian and US government go through extensive searches when a child enters the system to show this to be true, including the procurement of death certificates, DNA testing, and birthparent interviews. I was so proud that our country saw the value of evacuating these children into the care of waiting families in the US, not only to remove them from a precarious situation, but also to free up room in orphanages to take care of children who are orphaned or displaced as a result of the earthquake.

This all seemed to make sense for a couple days. The US agreed, Haiti agreed, and we saw lots of personal interest news stories of happy families united with their children. That is, until UNICEF stepped in. UNICEF, with their seemingly charitable gestures towards children worldwide, happens to be an organization that is staunchly, and often illogically, anti-adoption. It is also an organization that wields a great amount of power (and money), and when they put the pressure on, Haiti complies. There is a lot to be said about UNICEF's views. There is an essay brewing there - but for now, the short version is that UNICEF would prefer children without parents to be raised in an institution within their culture of origin rather than by a loving family of a different culture. In other words, race/culture trumps family/nurture/security. (It doesn't take a psychologist to see the faulty logic there).

Over the last week, the effort to get previously-matched children out of Haiti has slowed considerably. Extra steps have been added, redundant steps, steps that pose no added measure of safety since these children HAVE ALREADY BEEN CLASSIFIED AS ADOPTABLE BY THE HAITIAN GOVERNMENT, and since these parents HAVE ALREADY SUBMITTED AN EXTENSIVE HOMESTUDY/DOSSIER/BACKGROUND CHECK. This is effecting hundreds of waiting children. One such child is Ronel. I want to tell Ronel's story, because I think it is a compelling example of the need for international adoption, and a tragic (hopefully only temporarily tragic) example of how UNICEF's corruption affects orphaned children.

Ronel was abandoned at the Rescue Center of Real Hope for Haiti, which is an amazing medical mission that takes in malnourished children and nurses them back to health. I am constantly amazed by the life-saving work these sisters do. When he was brought in, he weight 28 pounds (less than my daughter India). They were unsure of his age, but guessed him to be about 7 or 8 years old. Over a few months at the Rescue Center, his weight nearly doubled. Because his parents had died and no other family came to claim him, they searched for an adoptive family.

(photo from RHFH blog, before treatment)

Debra answered that call. I've never met Debra in person, but I feel like we're friends through this crazy blogging world. She is friends (the real-life kind) with Jamie, who posted a photo of Ronel on her blog. Debra saw the picture and knew. THIS WAS HER SON. She and her husband Ernest started the process to adopt Ronel. This was well over a year ago. Like many of us, they were in the wait to get him home when the earthquake happened. Like many of us, they moved into action to try to get their son home.

Ronel was supposed to come home the night Kembert did. He was one of the kids who did not get approval, and got left behind. My heart was so heavy for Debra that night, as she rejoiced for those of us getting our kids home. But even worse was reading this visiting missionary's account of what that night was like for Ronel:

Tara told me today that the boys were flying to the US. One was going to his adoptive family in Houston Texas, the other to a family in Dallas. When I got back from my days work, the boys were all dressed in their very best to meet their new families. They were so excited. I was so excited for them. It was hard to watch them go. Later in the evening after dinner, the truck returned from the airport where 27 children were flying to meet their new parents. In the front seat of the truck was Ronel, the 6-7 year old that was staying in my room. I asked why he was still here and Tara told me it was because they needed one more paper for him. The other children got to go. She said she hoped they could get the needed paperwork tomorrow. I would never wish for you to see the disappointment on Ronel's face because it would crush your heart... it did mine. It was dark and the power was off. He went into our room, laid down on the bed, pulled the sheets up and sobbed. It was so sad. Tara came in and talked to him in Kreole... I'm not sure what she said but I know she was trying to comfort him. After a time she got up and left as I sat across the room. I could not leave him by himself. I went over and motioned for him to move over and I laid down next to him. The tears were pouring out of him. He was still in his new clothes as he fell asleep.

The embassy wanted one more paper to send Ronel home. He was supposed to go home the next day. That was a week ago.

Three days ago, Debra's husband flew down to try to get him out. From Debra:

I did not know I would literally have to fight for him.
He [Ernest] just got word that the US is deciding to comply with a request from the Haitian government. That request is to approve of all children who leave the country after they have been cleared by the United States. France and Canada have not complied and are getting their waiting children home. Our US Ambassador has not cleared children and will not see the parents waiting/pleading. They were just told that the Ambassador has left for the day.
There are sick children and pregnant women sleeping on the floor in hopes to bring children home all the while nothing is being signed out. All documents are ready to go except for that approval.
...
E has said that every time they call him to the window Ronel runs up to his side and says a phrase in kreyol with an expectant look on his face CAN WE GO? As in can we go home. As in can we go to THIS home. His home.
I will not lie and say that I am not fighting fear. I am. I am fearful of Ronel being hurt again. Being left again. It would break Ernest. I cannot imagine what it would do to Ronel. Would he understand that we would still fight for him? To think of it makes my stomach sick.

That was written yesterday. They spent all day at the embassy again today. They still don't know if or when the ambassador will sign them out.

Ronel's story is just one story of hundreds. Hundreds of orphaned children with waiting families, and nothing separating them but political manoeuvrings and power plays that put children at risk. I hope that you will read this and consider educating yourself on UNICEF's history in thwarting international adoption, and register your voice of dissent.

Raymond Joseph
Haitian Ambassador to US
embassy@haiti.org
p 202-332-4090
f 202-745-7215

Kenneth H Merten
US Ambassador to Haiti
Tabarre 41, Blvd 15 Octobre
Port-au-Prince, Haiti
Haiti-earthquake@state.gov
P 509 22 29 8000
F 509 22 29 8028

Hilary Clinton/Dept of State
U.S. Department of State
2201 C Street NW
Washington, DC 20520
Main Switchboard:
202-647-4000

prayers for Ronel

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Oh To Be Loved Like That......

2010-01-23T08:48:00.000-08:00

Keanan is home.

I can imagine that this is how God waits for us......

How He yearns for us to be in His arms....

How He will hold us when we come home....

and how He loves us.

What a beautiful picture of being loved.

Quiet does not equal Peace

2010-01-21T12:11:00.000-08:00

You know your baby is a 3rd child when.....

You give them everything under the sun to eat before 12 months old.

You don't even try putting on shoes before they can walk. What's the point?

You turn a blind eye when a friend slips your baby a piece of a cookie or a french fry. Why deprive them? (However...you don't turn a blind eye when they try to sneak them a lollipop-that's too crazy...even for you)

at 10 months old he loves peanut butter.

You don't panic leaving them alone in a room.

You don't child proof your house....they'll eventually figure out how to open it anyway.

You realize the quiet doesn't mean peace...it means poop or trouble....or maybe both.

You practically run away when you drop them off with a sitter.

Schedules? what schedules? it's all thrown out the window when you gotta pick up the older kids.

You don't feel the need to play with them every second. A little alone playtime is good for the soul. (theirs & yours)

You don't introduce foods slowly...you try it at the dinner table every night for entertainment.

Crying becomes white noise.

Practical items like toothbrushes and tupperware are toys rather than the new bright & shiny toys from the store.

You don't feel the need to dress them up when all they are gonna do is stay at home. Jammie days are good days. (for them & you)

They spend more time in the car seat than their own crib.

You don't care if other people reading this might think you are lazy and negligent...you know it's just truth.

You allow your baby to do things like this....and you think it's funny:

Oh, to Love like that.....

2010-01-20T12:23:00.000-08:00

The past year I have spent moments contemplating much.

Contemplating the thread that weaves through my fingers keeping me from letting go into insanity.

Contemplating the state of my church, our church, the American church and the church universal.

I have thought about my sin and judgement on others and how it makes me feel less.

I have pondered the what ifs in my life and have given my thoughts selfishly over to the "But I want" way of thinking.

I have sat and criticized others in my mind for their thoughtless actions and ways of doing things...all the while trying not to point the finger at myself.

and I have contemplated the lack of love....real, life giving love that exists in our world, in my country, in my church, and in me.

Love...

when it all comes down to it
is really the only thing we have abundantly to give...

and yet it's the one thing that we hold tightly, keeping it only for special people and for special reasons.

We hold it in because it's the most joyful feeling....and the most hurtful feeling.

I have held my love in....because I get tired. I get tired of feeling so very much.

I have held it in because I get so overwhelmed.....and I fear I don't have enough courage.

Yes....courage.

Courage to go out.....to love someone somewhere that is uncomfortable. Somewhere that's unknown to me.

There is so much need.

But then...I hear of someone like Diane loving so incredibly it breaks me.

Love incarnate.

And I can only hope that I can have the courage to love and affect the way she has.

We, as Christians, all talk so much about loving others for Jesus.

Love others like Jesus.

But sometimes that carries no meaning.

But to see it before your eyes......then it somehow becomes alive.

My friend Diane has done that. She has allowed the love of Christ to pour completely out of her being...and it has already changed one life.

Read her blog to see how.

Because I know that I can only hope to love like that.

To love beyond myself when it doesn't benefit me.

To love when and where others don't go.

Oh, to Love like that.

Needing a little Facelift...or maybe just Botox.

2010-01-19T19:30:00.000-08:00

It's time folks. Its out with the old...in with the new. I am figuring it can rival the likes of Heidi Montag (ew!) and have a "few" procedures done. A nip here....a tuck there...a new "thing" here.

Before you say, "how could you?" or "jen...don't do it!"

Lemme Explain.

I'm talking about my blog people.

Its needs a new look.

But I'm no artist. I have no idea where to start.

So I'm looking for some work...pro bono....to help jump start my blog's look.

Any ideas out there?

I'm all ears......

Helping Haiti and The Howertons

2010-01-19T13:31:00.000-08:00

You have all seen the devastation and heard of how desperate the situation is in Haiti.

I can't even wrap my head around it all....there are so many who need aid.
I want to help and give, give, give.
I'm sure you do too.

Here is one way that we can help one child, one family......

"The Howertons Need Our Help...

There's an Orange County family trying to finalize the adoption of their son, Keanan in Haiti. Kristin (the mom) was in Haiti visiting him when the earthquake hit. They all survived and Kristen was evacuated but was forced to leave Keanan there. The Howertons are desperately trying to get him home and they need our help.

(Kristin with her son Keanan and her daughter Karis - taken about an hour before the quake hit)

In a crisis of this magnigtude, we often feel paralyzed by helplesness. The destruction is so overwhelming - the loss is so great.

But here's an opportunity where WE CAN HELP!!!

Please take a few moments to read the Howerton's blog - it provides details on what we can do to help them bring their precious boy home. It's easy - it takes very little time - and it will make a difference.

Also, pass the word along to your friends so that they can help too. The blogging community is huge, and word spreads fast. Let's use it to affect change and get this family together! If you have a blog or if you are on Facebook, post the link to their blog so that you can pass the word to even more people.

Here's the link to their blog: http://thehowertons.blogspot.com

There are so many children out there that need our help...here's a way that we can at least affect change for one....and maybe some others.
Don't pass on this opportunity to help this family..."

btw...original author is Heidi Goble...I plagariarized her blog.

Horrific

2010-01-14T14:09:00.000-08:00

oh Haiti.

My heart hurts for the horribleness of Tuesday.

Moments pass by and I try not to think of it knowing that a dam is ready to burst if I do.

But then it comes.....and it breaks and my heart is overwhelmed with grief.

Here I sit in my lovely house with running water, electricity , and shelter and I feel horrible.

I would rather be there.

I don't know you very well, but I want to be there to hold your hand, to give you my ear and bring you some kind of hope.

I feel so useless just giving you my money...but I know for now it's for the best.

I am thinking of you, praying earnestly for you, hoping for you and loving you from afar.

I'm hoping that can be enough.

Betrayal

2009-10-13T21:16:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I found myself behind enemy lines.......

the McDonald's drive-thru.

For many of you that know me....you know that our family doesn't eat at McDonald's. For those of you that don't....here's a small recap.

About 4-5 years ago Paul and I watched "Super-Size Me" and read "Fast Food Nation". Just from that movie and book we made the decision not to go to McDonald's ever again.

Our decision wasn't so much based on how unhealthy the food was (although, that did help) but based on the the way Mickey D's does their business. We decided we didn't want to give our money to a company that sets such extremely low standards for the fast food industry. They have the biggest influence on the industry and they have made poor decisions in their business making that have badly affected our country's economy and waste line. I won't get on my soap box here....but if you want to know more...watch the movie.

So I have been McDonald's Free since then. At first it was hard because those fries just smell so darn good. It got even a little harder when our kids would ask why we couldn't eat there. After explaining to them in a way they could comprehend they finally got it. So much so that when someone took them to McDonald's they told us they didn't think that person cared about other people since they spend their money at the golden arches. (oops!).

So how did I find myself driving alone in the drive-thru?

I was doing a favor for a friend that did a favor for me. She let me borrow her car to go get something I needed, but in return I had to pick up her son's lunch at McD's.

So there I was.....with her money in hand.....and I wasn't "lovin it".

Even though I wasn't spending my money I still felt dirty.

I felt like I was a traitor.

I was even darting my eyes around hoping no one would see me.

But I didn't feel so bad when I ordered a Dr. Pepper for myself.

What?!?!?

I was thirsty.......and it was her money not mine.

I'm technically still Mickey D free right?

:-D

Teetering

2009-10-12T14:12:00.000-07:00

So I have written 3 blogs on the state of my current emotional state over the past few months that I have not published.

And for my own safety, I don't think I will.

If I publish them some people might want to commit me to a psychiatric ward.

HA!

I always used to say that having 3 kids would send me over the edge.

And some days I teeter there hanging by a thin thread of sanity.

It's not easy, especially with my hormones continuing to surge up, down, and all around.

Some days are great! and others are just plain hard leaving me in tears. But I know it's only temporary.

That's why I am thankful for all my friends that are patient with me, with family that helps when they can, and for a husband that goes above and beyond his call of duty.

On another note.......I don't think having a handful of peanut butter filled pretzels is called a healthy lunch.

I blame it on the hormones.

2009-10-08T16:08:00.001-07:00

Sometimes Mommy makes me wear silly things on my head for her
entertainment.

Bad Habit

2009-09-24T13:24:00.000-07:00

When I am overwhelmed and tired I procrastinate.

I should be doing lots of other things right now.

I should be

cleaning.

organizing.

planning

paying bills

going to the bank

calling back friends

but all I want to do is fall on the couch and watch a movie....

Some people call it laziness......I call it coping.

only a 1/2 hr till Little Wes wakes up....not enough time to watch a movie.

cue sad face.

I'll need to find a another way to cope with stress

or maybe I'll just watch my movies in pieces.

Yep...sad but true.

Good vs. Evil.

2009-09-19T17:01:00.000-07:00

In the eyes of Wesley this is EVIL......

......and this is GOOD.

Again.....

GOOD = not only interested in food but eating food and smiling.

While EVIL leads to disinterest, crying, no eating and ultimately not sleeping cuz he's still hungry.

The blue highchair was given to us......

I bought the "happy" chair as it is now called at Ikea for $25.

And It's worth.

Every.

Penny.

Pure Entertainment

2009-09-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

If you are looking for some light, fun and daily entertainment.

Check out my hubby's blog. He's doing a cleanse.

yea...a cleanse.

and he is blogging everyday about it.

It makes me giggle smile.

But then again I am biased.

Head on over here to see if t makes you laugh too.

Because anyone who looks like this for their profile picture has to be funny.

When life gets you down.....

2009-09-17T15:49:00.000-07:00

this always makes me feel better......

Choosing

2009-09-06T12:17:00.000-07:00

While in church on Sunday we sang the song, "Made to Worship" by Chris Tomlin. It's a great song and I always get a little choked up singing it.

(okay......SO I get choked up singing a lot of songs...I'm an emotional person, what can I say?)

The chorus always gets me and i never really thought deeply about why it does...until today.

Here's why...

Over the summer I have been thinking a lot about why people decide to all of a sudden stop going to church....or even why they stop going to one church and go to another (but that's another post).

Let's face it ...there will always be excuses of why people stop going to church. And I hear A LOT of them. Being a pastor's wife, people sometimes think I am the church police and feel like they need to explain why they weren't at church on Sunday.

and sometimes it bothers me. It bothers me because it's not my job to take roll. Heck...there are times when I don't want to go to church...and GASP! there are even times when I don't go because I need a break from "church".

And actually, I don't think God takes roll either.

Going to church isn't about going because it makes us better people and we know we should go. It's not about wearing cute outfits and getting our cool cups of coffee. Neither is church about getting our fill for the week and getting God's Word ingrained into our hearts.....its about so much more.

These lyrics to me explain why we go to church.....

"You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free
You and I embrace surrender
You and I choose to believe
You and I will see who we were meant to be"

If you believe in God....then you believe he created you. God created humanity to worship Him and to love others.

These lyrics aren't pertaining to "church" but Church CAN (if done the right way) be a great place to do that.

...but it's your choice to go.

it's your choice to worship

It's your choice to love others and be in community with others

No matter how many excuses one gives.....or how big the excuse is.....it's a choice.

I know what I choose....and even on the days I don't wanna...I still choose it.

Because thats where I feel most me.

Not so cold

2009-08-27T14:24:00.001-07:00

Jeremiah just slid down the water slide. Water is a bit cold... But
not so cold he came out with a smile on his face. It's a shame he's
not having fun.

We love Big Bear

2009-08-26T23:16:00.001-07:00

Here is a shot of Big Bear Lake as we chairlift at Alpine Slides. It
was a glorious day and I can't help but be full of awe that we get to
visit such a peaceful place.

A Happy Swimmer

2009-08-26T23:12:00.001-07:00

This is my first time posting with a picture so I hope it comes out ok.

Here is Riley Girl happily swimming with Wes. He loves the water....
Even though you can't tell by his face.

Not in the U.S?

2009-08-26T20:14:00.001-07:00

While in conversation, Riley argued,
" We aren't in the United States, we are in Big Bear. "
Then after being told we were in the US, she argued, " well we aren't
in California either, we are in big bear. "

" Riley, Big Bear is in California. "

"Ohhhh. "

Looks like we need to work on her geometry. ;-)
Sent from my iPhone

Two Weeks Away

2009-08-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

So my 21st elementary school reunion is in 2 weeks.

Now before you question the 21st and balk at the idea of an elementary school reunion...lemme explain.

I went to a Catholic School. Yep..I was a catholic school girl all in plaid....but I wasn't naughty like Britney Spears.....bitchy maybe...but not naughty.

I went to school with the same people for 8 years! That's longer than high school and longer than my college years. So although there were times we were all sick of each other and we couldn't wait to get out of Holy Family......there were times that we were like family (a lot of love & hate).

My fellow Spartans were a huge part of my life and I have always been sad that I didn't do a better job of keeping in touch with them after we left HFS.

So with Facebook exploding and so many people joining many of us were able to reconnect. We were having a ton of fun reminiscing on FB that a reunion was mentioned.......and now it's 9 months later and only two weeks away.

I am really looking forward to it...but I am also, I must admit, ...a little nervous.

I am worried about none of the things that I thought I would be worried about.

If I were in my twenties and kid-less.....I would be probably already thinking about what I would wear...and my dress size. I would be eating less to lose those extra 5 pounds to look fit and toned.

But I haven't even thought about those things. To prove it.....I'll tell you that I ate bacon and cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Now that's a girl not worried about an extra 5 pounds!

But I am just a tad bit nervous for other reasons. I feel like I am such a different person than I was 20 years ago.....but also the same. I still have that "will they like me?" insecurity. Even more, there are things that i am not proud of....how I treated someone, something I said....or what I didn't do. Why wasn't I nice to her/him?

I'm nervous people will only remember the bad.....

But I am also hopeful and excited. I have forgotten many things and its fun to be reminded....or to learn the secrets that you never knew before.

Because when I think about my time at HFS I realize that there's a deep love there. I may not have always liked everyone.....but I do love them and it will be fun to see how they have grown and changed and become who they are now.

I know..... cheesy right?

Guilt

2009-08-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling it......

I have made the decision and it's unthinkable.

I could try and change my mind....then the feeling of guilt wouldn't lay so heavy on me, but I just can't do it.

It started out with a simple excuse...I couldn't find my blender....but then I found my blender and the reality sunk in.

I just don't have the energy to do it....so I'm not.

So instead of this

my baby is getting this....

Sound Check

2009-08-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

Check, Check.....Anyone out there?

Probably not.

My apologies will probably go unheard, but I'll put it out there anyway.

My dear blogger friends....I am so sorry I abandoned you.

I won't do it again.

I promise.

So many things have happened since I last left you.....

Here's a recap.

1. We bought a great house with great neighbors on a great street at Auction

2. We moved from the beautiful canal house

3. Wesley went from sleeping through the night....to not, to sleeping....to not then to sleeping again.

4. Paul left me for another woman.....JK....just checking to see if you are paying attention. He left left me for two Boy trips.....yep two......right in the middle of moving.

5. My blogging anniversary past......and I missed it.

6. My nephew turned 18 and I am officially feeling older.

7. My cute 8 year old went to camp for a week and I didn't freak out...okay...maybe just a little bit.

8. Endured a week of VBS and sticky glue on my hands. (I secretly love it)

9. Celebrated 12 years of marriage by a quiet evening out to dinner.

10. Missed my blogging world like crazy!

So there's a short version of the last 2 months. Its been hectic and crazy and I won't lie to you......it's been a rough two months. But I am coming out of the fog and I can see a little more clearly.....

So gear up.....cause I'm back!

Not So Much Lately

2009-06-02T20:14:00.000-07:00

As you have noticed, I haven't blogged much lately.

Its not that I don't have much to say....I actually have alot stored up, but carpal tunnel has laid siege on my wrists and its just not fun sitting at the computer typing.

So I have been avoiding my mind, trying to keep it at bay.

I actually thought of a new series I might start. It's called, "Things that get me in trouble".

I bet you are going crazy thinking about all the places I could go with that. You know as a pastors wife, there's lots of things I shouldn't say, but want to. I actually started a post for that series, but had to delete it.....that's how much it would have gotten me in trouble.

Yep.....big trouble. heehee

So until my the pain in my wrists subsides a bit....enjoy the pic of Riley and Wes instead instead.

Save Now

In a Predicament

2009-05-13T13:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in the middle of Costco I had an epiphany about myself.

I do what I feel.

When I go on vacation....I have a hard time packing because I like to wake up in the morning and decide what I FEEL like wearing.

I have a hard time planning meals because I like to decide what to make based upon what I FEEL like eating.

This is a problem.

While in Costco.....I couldn't figure out what to buy for meals. I got the basics....bread, bagels etc. But I had eaten lunch before I went to Costco so when I went shopping.....nothing sounded good to eat. Even the things I had thought of buying (putting on my list).....I couldn't bring myself to put in the cart because it didn't sound good.

Now...on the other hand.....the days I go to Costco hungry....I want to buy everything. The problem is I can't afford it....so I try to be disciplined and don't give in to the hunger. So much so that I don't put anything in my cart....again.

Sigh

How my family ever eats anything beside pasta is beyond me......

Doing It.

2009-04-29T12:11:00.000-07:00

So there I was....standing in my kitchen making dinner.

Not just any ole macaroni and cheese dinner.....but an actual meat & potatoes dinner with salad to boot! For those of you that know me....that doesn't happen often.

But there I was.......in the kitchen. Paul had taken Riley out for a bike ride to a little beach near our house (yes- I know, life is hard) and Jeremiah was playing Roller Coaster Tycoon on the computer.

With excitement and juberance....my sweet Riley comes bounding through the kitchen door with a huge smile on her face.

Paul follows her in...

"Mommy, Riley has something very exciting to tell you."

With the biggest smile on her face.....she shares that she just rode her bike for the first time without training wheels.

"I did it!"

I gave her the biggest hug I could and smiled right back at her......as I looked into her face I don't think I have ever seen her look so proud of herself.

It's taken her awhile to learn how to ride on a bike.....and I didn't even know that Paul was gonna have her try on their bike ride. It was such a pleasant surprise.

Before Paul walked out of the kitchen he told me that as soon as she was done.....she got off her bike and jumped into his arms. (I'm weepy just remembering him tell me that).

What a beautiful moment.

...and I missed it.

I was sad, but I was more proud than anything.

When Paul walked out of the kitchen, I couldn't hold back my tears and they slid down my face as I sliced up the tri-tip.

I was teary for many reasons......but mostly because as my daughter and husband walked out of the kitchen, where I was cooking a family dinner into the living room to share with Jeremiah the exciting news, I realized.......

that I had done it.

that I was doing it.

I had fulfilled a dream that I wasn't sure imaginable......

I had created a family......a whole family.

Growing up with a dysfunctional family I had always wanted a daddy to teach me to ride my bike.

I wanted family dinners where we sat down and talked......or not talked.

I wanted to come home to a house where I knew my mom and dad would be there.....to celebrate with me on all occasions.

So I stood there in the kitchen with tears of joy and amazement. I am continually amazed that I have been given the blessing of a wonderful marriage and beautiful healthy children.

I am amazed that I can give my children what I didn't have.....and it brings me so much joy.

Easter Re-Cap

2009-04-13T09:41:00.000-07:00

So after I wrote my last blog I rode my bike down to 2nd street to pick up a gift card for my sisters birthday. The store wasn't open yet, so I decided to waste time by browsing in "The Children's Place".

Wrong Move.

They were having a big sale.

On their spring dresses.

and I have a gift card.

I walked around the store thinking about how cute my little

Riley would look in that dress....or how handsome Jeremiah would be in that vest.

Luckily, I didn't get too caught up in the moment. Some how I snapped myself out of it....and walked out of the store empty handed.

It's all so easy. I realize my last blog could read a bit scathing towards others' Easter traditions.....but I needed it. I easily can be distracted. I was glad I wrote that blog though...because I put my conviction out there for others to see. I knew if I showed up on Sunday in brand new outfits with my kids toting their new baskets- I would be put into check by my friends (at least I hope my girls would keep me in check) AND my husband.

And mostly...I would be missing the point.

Easter was wonderful this year. I spent time at the breakfast table sharing with the kids why we weren't doing baskets this year......and they were so okay with it. (in fact one didn't even notice they were missing). We spent time talking about what Easter means and why it's so important to us as Christians.

I didn't worry about what they wore, (okay...not true....Miah got dressed in play clothes and I told him to go change into a nice shirt), and I didn't think about the perfect Family Easter picture. I just enjoyed the morning, sang kid praise songs with the kids on the way to church....

and loved being with my "family" while praising God for his sacrifice.

And even when I saw all the beautiful Easter outfits...especially this one, I didn't sigh.

I recognized it's my conviction and I was happy with the decision I made.

On another note.....it was quite the busy week. Jeremiah turned 8, the Angels had opening day and Wes turned 7 weeks old.

Here's a few pics to recap the week.

EASTER SUNDAY

Opening Day of the Angels Game.

We didn't make it to the game, but we dressed in our attire and

drank RED juice for dinner in honor of the halos.

Special moment

Miah's birthday breakfast.

Wes giving me the business.

I'm Not Buying Into it

2009-04-09T11:56:00.001-07:00

This past Sunday I sat down at our table to enjoy some breakfast and the Sunday Paper before starting the whirlwind of getting ready for church. My favorite part of Sunday's paper is ....don't laugh......the Target Circular. Yep...ever since I was a teenager I have been opening the paper to find my slice of shopper heaven. I love to peruse the circular for good sales and any "must need" (read "must want") items.

This past Sunday was no different. I opened the paper to find Target's Easter edition circular.

I smiled as I glanced at the front page....the spring colors make me so happy. But as I continued turning the pages...my smile turned to a grimace and I quietly began cursing consumerism. Every page was filled with all kind of sales enticing the buyers to get the perfect Easter gift or Easter outfit for their child.

Since when did Easter become Christmas?

I'm sure it has slowly happened over time....but the marketing for Easter is turning into another "Buy me and forget what the holiday is really about" event.

It makes my stomach turn- even though I had already bought the kids their Easter things (they need those sand toys- REALLY! They did), I can't believe how much we,Or maybe I should say....I can't believe how much I have bought into the idea that we need to get gifts and the perfect outfit for Easter.

We are losing the meaning of Easter. As it is, Easter is second rate to Christmas......and it shouldn't be. Easter is the reason why I go to church every week......it's the reason why I continue to love others and basically...the reason why I get up in the morning.

Someone freakin' died for me....and then....he became alive 3 days later. He beat death...so that I can live with him for eternity. He didn't bring me chocolates.....he brought me his body and blood. He didn't wear a chiffon dress or a 3 piece suit.....but a rag, a simple cloth to cover the niceties.

His gift was life.......and I can't buy that in any Target circular.

So yes- I have been on a high horse this week.

I am refusing to buy my kids Easter outfits for church. They have plenty of clothes.

I am refusing to make a basket for them. They get plenty of candy every other day as well as baskets from grandparents.

I am refusing to buy them toys- (although, I already bought the sand toys......)

I am refusing to buy into all this Easter stuff.

Yes...it's cute and it's fun and I'm sure on Sunday when I see all the pretty dresses and suits I will sigh and wish I would have gotten the kids something new, but I think it will help me to remember.......

it will help me to remember why I am not buying into the American Easter.....

It will help me remember the Resurrection.

Things I Love #5

2009-03-15T09:59:00.000-07:00

They Say Cleanliness is next to Godliness. I don't know how true this statement is, but I believe godliness can be applied to the best appliance to keep wood floors clean.

People......The Swiffer Vac is next to godliness in my book.

Yes, I know it sounds blasphemous (especially coming from a pastor's wife) but if you haven't had an chance to behold it's greatness than do not judge. I have fallen quickly in love with this appliance and I can't imagine my life without it.

I have lived in a house with all wood floors for almost 7 years. Our floor was constantly decorated by bunnies, crumbs, and dirt. Even with sweeping with all kinds of brooms, our floor always looked dirty.

I don't know how the Swiffer Vac went under my radar, but I had never heard of it....until 4 weeks ago when a dear friend, Leslie, bought me one when we were doing a 'Super Clean" to get the house ready to "show". She plugged it in and showed me how it picks up everything a normal broom doesn't....and it was so easy, it was almost fun.

One use.....and I was an addict. I immediately starting cleaning my floors anytime I could, even if they were already clean. I loved watching those little bunnies get sucked up into the vac and even more......my floors looked brilliant!

Now we are house hunting and you better believe that any house we buy will have wood floors just so I can use my Swiffer Vac.

So if you have wood floors....and don't own a Swiffer Vac, do yourself a favor and run directly to your nearest Target....don't stop for a diet coke and popcorn on your way in...just march yourself directly to the cleaning aisle and pick your self up a Swiffer Vac. You'll be so glad you did.

Your little dust bunnies can't escape now......

I Told Ya So!

2009-03-02T14:34:00.000-08:00

Yes...I am hearing the many voices of all friends and family that have uttered the phrases,

"This baby will be such a blessing"

"You are gonna love him the moment he is born"

"You won't be able to imagine your life without him"

The moment before little Wesley was born, there was a moment. It was rather spiritual and emotional and overwhelming.

Even up to that moment I was still in somewhat of denial that I was going to be responsible for a new little life.

It was a moment that peace just washed over me and I knew that without a doubt I would never be sorry that God gave us Wesley.

All those months of hearing friends and family trying to be encouraging through my phase of whining, crying, complaining and mopey-ness now came into earshot of a big resounding....

"I Told Ya So!"

Yes, from the moment I laid eyes on him I couldn't imagine the White family without him.

I couldn't imagine us ever not wanting a third child. Our little Wes is perfect ad beautiful and already has taken a chunk of our hearts.

So dear friends...thank you for being good listeners and not scolding me when I was in my emo state of mind. You were gentle and loving and just let me feel whatever it was I was feeling at the moment.

This gorgeous little boy has been prayed for and loved tremendously and I am so thankful for the people in my life that encouraged us through it.

So you can say I told ya so all you want....go ahead, rub my nose in it.

It feels good :-)

On another note.......I haven't been blogging much lately. I am either sleeping, packing or taking care of Wes....so in my absence read my funny husband's blog, reluctant but faithful.

He is trying to blog everyday for lent and he actually has some good stuff.

So check it out and leave a comment. He thinks nobody likes him.

and I'll do my best to post a picture or two of my little circus animal.

Daddy likes to style his hair.......

What's in a Name- Introducing My Circus Animal

2009-02-21T21:25:00.001-08:00

Today we brought home our beautiful baby boy.

Wesley Wendell White was Born Thursday, February 19th at 6lbs, 13oz and 20 in. long.

He is absolutely beautiful (of course I am biased) and I have already switched to the "I can't imagine my life without him" gear.

A few months ago, I posted a "A Baby Naming Contest" blog to see if anyone wanted to try and guess the name we picked out. And true to my word, I am posting the winners.

No one actually guessed the first name....accept "Anonymous." But my thought is, if you post anonymous, you might as well not post :-)

But two people guessed the middle name. It took a while....but they finally got it...and within only a few hours of each other. The winners are.....

First Place- Diane Davis

Second Place- Edie Finnell.

To be truthful...I had a feeling these girls might guess it since they are both avid readers.

So why Wesley Wendell White?

Well a friend of mine, Elizabeth, wrote a beautiful post on her blog and I encourage you to read it here. She put into words some of the things I don't know how. I have to say after reading it, I wished I had thought of some of those reasons, but I hadn't. But her prayer is what fills my heart with hope, that Wesley will grow into the meaning of his name.

To be honest....both Paul and I just really liked the name Wesley. We wanted a W name.....cuz let's face it...who doesn't like alliteration? We hadn't even thought of the theologian until a few weeks ago....but that's okay.

Wendell is the name that Paul without a doubt wanted. Wendell is named after the writer Wendell Berry. Paul has read many of his books and poetry and he is a man that he highly respects and loves. After reading some of his stuff, I would have to agree. His heart and thoughts are so rich and full of so many rich things...things that truly matter in this crazy world.

While I was in labor, Paul read aloud some of his poems. There was one in particular I really liked, and it happened to be one of Paul's favorites too. In fact....after we announced the name...a close friend posted this exact poem on our facebook wall without even knowing that we had read it.

"When despair grows in me

and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief.

I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting for their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free."

~ 'The Peace of Wild Things' -- by Wendell Berry

Reading that just takes my breathe away....as does looking at Wesley.

I love his name.....and it holds so much meaning and hope for me. I also love all the little nicknames emerging from friends and family.

There's Dub Dub, Triple Dub, The Web, and the funniest which Jeremiah came up with....Mr. Fire Engine ("Cuz he sounds like a fire engine when he cries!")

So Welcome lil Wes.....my sweet little wanderer Wes.

Forgetful People- Lesson #1

2009-02-15T19:07:00.000-08:00

Our Church is currently working it's way through the book of Exodus.

Exodus is actually one of the more exciting books in the Old Testament with lots of action going on with plagues, slaughtered lambs over doors, combustible bushes, and it's very own Survivor Man but with a group of people instead of one.

I am always amazed at how I can learn something new from scripture that I somehow didn't "get" before.

This time there are two things that have struck me....one that gets to my heart and the other to my theology.

The first one is that the Israelites were such forgetful people (the second I will blog about tomorrow). They continue to see God's power save them over and over again....and yet they constantly complained in the wilderness.

Let's face it, they were babies.

God splits the Red Sea for them to walk through and keeps them safe from the Egyptians and a few days later they are wining to Moses about how they should have stayed in Egypt.

God delivers them out of slavery....the beatings and sweatshop conditions and they cry to Moses about how awful God is to them.

Over and over they cry and complain......and yet, God in His lovingness...still saves them, still delivers them, still provides for them.....and still loves them.

I don't know about you but I would have dropped them like a (insert funny pop culture reference here-and feel free to post in comments) and looked to another group of people.

But as I was reading this time, I felt like I was looking in a mirror. How many times have I been delivered, saved and provided for....and yet I still doubt God. For the most part...I trust God....but then there are those stressful moments that I freak out, panic and have anxiety.

This series comes at a good time for me. Here I am about to have a baby any day and we put our house on the market to sell. I mean that's CRAZINESS. Normally, I would have been freaking out and worried about everything...if we will sell, how we will live, where we will, and how we can do all this while adjusting to a newborn.

But going through this series with our church has caused me to look back and see how God has parted the seas in my life

how He has delivered me from bad situations

and how He has always provided what I needed.

......and I am done stressing, wining and complaining. I don't want to be like the Israelites any longer. When a unexpected bill comes, I don't want to be stressed. I want to be confident in God's provision for me.

And I can finally say that I am. I feel at peace with God leading us. We don't know what house we will be in nor how things will go with having a third baby....but I know My God is with me, He is mighty to Save.

He has been faithful to me in all my days, and now I know....in my heart and mind that He is with me....he dwells with me wherever I go.

It feels good to be on this side of things rather than the stressful side. Friends comment that I must be going crazy with all the things to do...have a baby, pack etc etc.

But I just smile....because I don't feel overwhelmed, or stressed...I feel God's peace, His provision and His ability to part the Seas, send Manna from Heaven and provide water through rocks.

Beginning to Grieve

2009-02-10T16:46:00.000-08:00

This is the first house I have ever lived in.

The very first one.

I grew up in the same apartment, lived in dorms, got married and lived in more apartments.

It was always my dream to live in a real house.

7 Years ago, my dream became reality when we bought this little house on Harvey Way.

Jeremiah was only 18 months and I was pregnant with Riley at the time. We had no idea what to look for when purchasing our home, but we were up for the adventure. We found this house the first day we went looking, and 30 days later closed escrow.

The beauty of our home is that we are not the sole owners. The church that Paul works for helped us to buy this home. They put down a hefty down payment with our down payment and share the equity with us. So even though it is our home...it is their home as well. Some may not have liked that kind of situation, but we have loved it. It has helped us keep things in perspective as well as given us the opportunity to do something we couldn't have ever done without them.

Over the past 7 years it has been a blessing to see the congregation of our church take care of us....and their investment. If we ever needed work done.....people have always been there to help. We have a patio, a completely remodeled bathroom, a finished garage, a new gate, a garden in the front and a remodeled bedroom because of the time people took to help us "do it ourselves" (when we all know Paul and I couldn't have done it ourselves!). It truly has become God's house to me. I know that sounds corny.....but I look around our house and I see the many faces of those in our congregation that have passed through our doorway for not only a party or a meal....but also to give their sweat to make the house better for us.

It makes me love my house even more if it was solely our house.

So today....I say with great excitement that we sold our house. I am still in shock that with the market the way it is...we sold it in less than a week. It goes into escrow tomorrow morning and if all goes well......a new couple will be blessed by the hands that have loved this house.

But I am also very sad, and recognize that for a while, I will need to grieve the selling of our home.

My first home.

The home where Jeremiah and Riley have both grown up.

The home that I have sometimes loved to hate....but I have always loved.

The home where our toddlers have done naked runs in the circle of our home after bath-time.

The home where we march to "pajama time".

The home where we created memories with our church community and family community.

The home of Oscar parties and college/young adult get togethers.

The home where our little "surprise" will come home to, only to move out a few weeks later.

It's the home of so many memories and so many dreams come true.

and soon it will be time to say good-bye.

And I'm keenly aware of God's abundant blessing in all this.......and feel overwhelmed by it.

Things I Love #4

2009-02-05T16:32:00.000-08:00

I Love Paul's art.

When we first started dating I was a little scared off by his creative mind. The paintings in his room were on the "weirder" side and reminded me of aliens in scary movies. But his people and his style grew on me and I have come to love his "lanky people"....

NO...I have come to LOVE them.

I know he doesn't think so, but I think he's talented. He has a perspective not seen in commercial art and it's fresh and different. He has also played with shapes and geometry in some of his paintings and they have turned out really good.

When he became a pastor he started using art as a media for ministry and even now sometimes will use his paintings in his sermons which is kinda cool.

I love having the opportunity to change the decor of my house based on one of his paintings. Here are a few in our house that I took quick snapshots of.....

I love this painting. Paul did this after our daughter Riley was born. I love

it so much that it inspired the baby's room........

I have never been able to decorate a room for a baby.

Jeremiah was born at a time when we lived in Princeton in a tiny one bedroom apt. When we had Riley, she slept in the "office" until she was 3 months old- then she moved into big brother Jeremiah's room. So I had fun putting together a room for our little surprise. Although he was unplanned.....just like the picture, he will be met with much joy when he is finally born.

This is probably my favorite of Paul's pieces.

The lighting and camera don't do it justice. Paul calls it "Rest for the Weary" and he painted it at the end of a long quarter of Greek while in seminary. When I worked for a printing company, we had a few printed framing it in black with scripture (Matt. 11: 28-30) at the bottom.

It turned out beautiful...and still waits for us to frame it and put it up. But I still love the original and it always is up on one of our walls in our house.

Here's a piece currently in our living room. I love all the colors and textures he uses with the brush....wish the camera could show those.

This is a bit of a sentimental piece. Paul gave this to me the first year we were married. He'll probably get mad I even posted this piece. I wish it was out for all to see in my house, but it's been put up in our bedroom on a wall that people don't look at. Maybe at our new house it will have a more prominent place.

So there's just a few pieces....ones that I love and I would take with me wherever I go.

Things I Love #3

2009-02-03T08:34:00.000-08:00

I have a ridiculous infatuation with the tv show Friday Night Lights.

I heart FNL.

I love me some Lost and the Office ( more of my faves), but there is something about Friday Night Lights that captures so many parts of me.

I tell everyone about the show....and I insist they try it out. I even force my season 1 & 2 dvd's on them. I tell them to give it 3 episodes and they will be hooked.

You know what? Anyone who I have pushed the show on has absolutely loved it (even a husband of a friend of mine).

It's not really about football.....but lets be realistic, it can be.

But its more than that.....the story-telling is so authentic and real....you never know what a character will say or not say.

Yes, it can be "soapy" but not in a bad way. You almost come away believing that what you are watching are real people, dealing with real things.

I read many things about this show and one of things I appreciate is the art that goes into making this show. There is so much room for creativity.....that it allows the actors to ad-lib and have input to what their character might say or do.

Nothing illustrates this better than the amazing chemistry between Coach and his wife Tami. Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton are amazing in these roles and I love to watch them weave their way through the obstacles that come their way.

There is no better relationship on tv that displays such authenticity for a married couple. Period.

I love this show, and I encourage you to borrow my season 1 dvd or rent it from netflix and hop onto to season 3. You won't be that far behind.

Besides the heartwarming stories and good laughs.....there is some great eye candy in Taylor Kitsch's "Riggins"....by the end of season two you will be wishing you were his rally girl.

Btw- FNL is on NBC, Friday Nights at 9pm.

Watch it....you won't be sorry.

Back Online with Some Ramblings

2009-02-01T18:08:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the extended blogging vacation, my mind has been mush and not capable of putting together whole thoughts.

It's actually still not ready, so I have compiled a list of thoughts that have been swimming in my little brain the past two weeks. Here they are for you to enjoy:

1. Did anyone see Grey's Anatomy two weeks ago? The end was ridiculously good. It reminded me of the old Grey's that held depth and meaning. After a 3 episode arc of a serial killer trying to die in the hospital rather that by lethal injection (which I think Eric Stolz, of the old school movie, "Some kind of Wonderful" played creepily and brilliantly) it ended with such a moving scene it brought me to literal sobs. Meredith, our heroine, we are learning has a compassionate side...even for those undeserving people that have no remorse for the horrible things they have done to people. Such is the case between serial killer and Meredith. A unique relationship develops between the two and without apology they kind of understand each other. Anyway....he asks if she will come to his "death" so "there's at least one friendly face in the place."

She does.....and what happens is an astonishing picture of grace. Our heroine goes to this man's "death", a man who has killed quite a few women without any apology.....just for the fun of it and she gives him a friendly face as he is pumped with enough drugs to take him to the other side. After its over, she walks out to her boyfriend and collapses in sobs. She cries she just wanted to give him a little bit of compassion, and it was horrible.

sniff sniff.

Grace isn't easy. Grace shouldn't be easy.....and at times it can feel horrible to give. Just think back to the most amazing grace ever given.....on a cross......and it was horrible.

Sometimes as believers we sugar coat grace....and I loved that a TV show could actually show an accurate description of what it can be like.

2. I am a crazy woman for agreeing with my husband to sell my house in the midst of about to have a baby.

3. If another person tells me that my little circus animal in utero needs to stay in longer to grow, I will punch them.

Seriously.

It's time for him to come out.....any day little guy.....please today.

4. I wish I had a house cleaner. I think the govn't should pay for house cleaners. It would help our health care system by reducing the number of people being sick from dirty houses.

5. I have the most amazing friends....both near and far. Just the other day a group of girls surprised me with a yummy breakfast brought to my home along with gifts for our little circus animal.

6. I am hoping I can go hear Greg Mortenson talk at Long Beach Wilson. He's the author of , "Three Cups of Tea". A fantastic book if you are looking for a good read.

7. I am hoping I can sleep longer than 2 hour periods in the night.

that's all I got.....I know there's more, but the mind has completely mushed.

Til next time dear readers.....

Baby on a Leash

2009-01-21T14:45:00.000-08:00

My daughter loves dogs. Ever since she could talk she has been asking for us to get her a dog.

Every time we say...maybe someday. It will take a long time for my dog hating husband to be talked into such a purchase...but we don't tell her that. Actually I shouldn't be too hard on my husband because hate is a strong word. He just really dislikes everything that comes along with a dog...the smell and the dirty fur and the slobber that makes him want to wash his hands. He does like some dogs....as long as they aren't his. So until our kids can care for a dog, we won't be getting one.

So my sweet little girl had a play date with a friend yesterday. We arrived at their home to find that they added a new addition to their a family......an adorable dog. I knew immediately this could be bad news for me. Riley spent the whole time at their house in the backyard playing with the dog, putting her leash on and running around the pool and feeding her treats. But her smiles quickly turned to sadness when it was time to leave.

She came into the house and cuddled up to me with a frown on her house. I inquired what was wrong and the following conversation ensued:

"Mommy, why can't we get a dog?"

"Honey.....we'll get a dog someday."

"But why can't we get a dog now?"

"Because you'll be getting something better in just a few weeks."

Riley gives me the sad face.

"what's that?"

"You'll be getting a baby brother"

"But Mommy, you can't walk a baby!"

I smile trying to get her to smile....., "Sure you can honey, we can just put him in a stroller and push him along on a walk."

By now..It thought for sure a smile would break across her face.

But no......her reply was this,

"But Mommy, you can't walk a baby with a leash!!!"

huh, nope, I guess you can't.

Dog-1

Baby-0

Things I love #2.

2009-01-16T09:48:00.000-08:00

I LOVE this bush.

Yes, I know it's silly...but yesterday and today I couldn't stop being thankful for this very bushy, thorny ugly bush, and I will love it til the day I die.

Why you ask.

Because Wednesday night as I was rushing out of the house I fell off the porch backwards into these bushes.

And this particular bush caught my big ole pregnant self (if you look carefully, you can see where my arse broke the bush).

So instead of a broken back and possibly putting myself into pre-term labor, this wonderful, beautiful and generous bush gave me scratches and bruises.

Thank you Bush. I love you!

An Apology

2009-01-16T09:11:00.001-08:00

So...in my last post I made a comment that I make no apologies.....

but today I do.

While my "crazy pregnant" post was one that was said in sarcastic humor and meant to be funny.....it's been brought to my attention that it can be read with insensitivity and can be hurtful to those who do have large families.

So I apologize. I meant no harm and in no way was i trying to be demeaning in what I wrote.

I was just trying to make funny of a situation many can relate to....and I realize that in re-reading my post that it can be taken in a mean way. So I am really sorry if I offended anyone.

However.....with that being said....I was referring exclusively to the Duggar Family with 18 kids. (even though in my post I didn't really make that clear)

Do I still think they are crazy?

Yes.

But that's because we all have crazy in us.

My crazy just won't manifest itself in being pregnant 18 times. It will probably be something even crazier.

They MUST be on Crack

2009-01-14T16:32:00.000-08:00

So I might...

No, actually, I will get lambasted for this post.

But seriously.....women who are pregnant over 8 times (give or take a few) have to be on crack.

This is my third pregnancy...and honestly, I am OH SO over it.

Who in their right mind would WANT to be pregnant that many times?? They say it's cause they want a big family. My response....

"Then Adopt!"

They say it's because they LOVE being pregnant and it's so wonderful. My response....

'You are Lying!!"

I just heard of that show where the family just had their 18th baby...and they have been quoted saying they want more. My response.....

"ARE YOU FREAKING NUTS??????

Unless you look like this....

Then there is no way a woman in her right mind would want to be pregnant that many times.

I make no apologies here..... there is no comment on this post that will make me think otherwise.

There...I said it.....

even if it's tongue in cheek...I said it. There are many other responsible reasons for my opinion.....but I won't get all serious on ya.....I'll just leave it with this very judgmental comment.....

Those women are CRAZY!

:-)

Dear Obama......Here's An Idea...

2009-01-06T12:13:00.000-08:00

Today in the Associated Press it announced that Obama has already raised $27 Million for Inaugural Festivities and that they will have no problem reaching $40.

Cough. Cough.

$27 Million?

Seriously?

I think I am having a hard time with this one.

Yes, I get that it's the President's inauguration.

Yes, I understand that THIS particular inaugural will be historic.

I get it! I get it!

But can't it be something more like $1million?

I mean, the most lavish of weddings cost around $300,00- $500,00 right? Can we add in another $500,000 just for security (maybe more...I have no idea what security costs) and call it a day?

I realize that presidents in the past have spent this amount of money....but I guess I am having a harder time with this one simply because of a phrase Obama used during his campaign,

"I am my brother's Keeper"

I believed in this phrase and I believe that he means it.

So how does one go about being okay with spending $27 million on just a party when our country is struggling through tough economic times?

How does one be okay spending this amount of money when there are people on the other side of the world who don't have clean water?

Why do people give so much money for a party...when it can go to better our country.......and our world?

My questions can go on and on.

I say, let's make our country a better place....THEN let's throw a party.

I know it's not that simple.....but I think Obama's inaugural festivities would have so much more of an impact....and would be even more so historic......if he planned a simple party.

A party with out all the fluff.....and instead did something with the millions and millions of monetary donations to help along "his brother".

A Boat

2009-01-03T08:52:00.000-08:00

The other night while driving home my kids started asking me questions about how i will deliver their little baby brother. I have explained before a few times the two ways a babies is born, naturally and by c-section.

So when asked again how baby brother would come out, I said hopefully naturally.

To this my 5 year old daughter replied,

"Will he come out in a boat or will he just swim out?

Things I Love- #1

2009-01-01T18:14:00.000-08:00

I love to read people's blogs. It's so much fun. And I have to admit it that I love when they come up with something creative that tells me a little bit about the writer. One of my most recent finds is a blog of a friend of a friend and i find her very funny, artsy and well....funny. On her blog she has what's called "I think it's perfectly normal". In these random posts she tells us a little something about herself in a very fun way. I think I laugh every time I read one of the "perfectly normal" posts. It's bring a bit of sunshine into my day.

So instead of making a resolution for the new year that would probably be broken by the end of week one....I thought, why not do something like "it's perfectly normal" ?

So my list, for now until I can come up with something better (if you have ideas....comment my way), is called, "Things I love".

These random posts will be things that I absolutely love, that are probably completely unnecessary to living life, but things I wouldn't want to live without. These are things that could vie for the top spot on the "if you could take one thing with you....what would it be?" List.

So here goes........

My UGGS

I absolutely love my Uggs. Their soft cushy insides bring joy to my toesies in a way that no other slipper does. They don't slip off and sound like you are shuffling down the hospital hallway. They are also double agents of their kind. They act like slippers, but once put on and walked into the real world they pass as regular shoes.

What other shoe does that?

So I ask......Who doesn't want their feet to be surrounded by such sheer coziness that can be used as an accessory to PJ's AND cute Jeans?

Baby Update #2- Wondering

2008-12-30T10:32:00.000-08:00

The count down has begun....at least for me. 9 More weeks to go and less if I go into labor early....which of course I am hoping for.

Many of you have been so sweet and have asked how I am doing.....it's a complicated answer....and knowing me, I'm not one just to put a nice blanket over things, I'll give you the truth.

During advent, our church talked about "wondering". How Mary must have been wondering about all that God was leading her to do....and how we can wonder as well. One of our pastors mentioned how wondering is more of an open ended thought then coming to a conclusion. I liked that, and I think that's where I am. I am left still wondering.

Thankfully, my hormones leveled out and I somehow crawled out of my crying days...a little later than usual, but at least I did. Talking to a few people sure helped......(thank you to all who were praying for me and to my listeners...who just listened and didn't give me answers or little things to make me feel better...I appreciate you cussing along with me). Emotional stress led straight into physical discomfort.....the third baby isn't so nice on an older body. I waddle at times, and sigh a lot more than usual.

I even started to think about what I need, and the "stuff" (ALLLLLLL the stuff) that we will need to get for this little guy coming our way. That's a huge obstacle for me. Even more so.....I have gotten excited about how to paint and decorate the baby's room.

But last night, as I lay in bed barely able to move due to a pulled muscle that somehow my preggo body did in it's sleep......I continued to wonder. I wondered why is it that I am more excited about a room than a baby. I wondered to God...why? Why do you want me to have another baby?

Now I am just being honest here and while I know all the answers about how when this baby is born I won't be able to imagine our lives without him....I still have questions and doubts.....just like I am sure Mary did.

Mainly I wonder, why me?

I have friends who their dream was always to be a mommy......everything about it. And they make the most amazing moms..... and wish I could be just a tiny bit like them. They seem to love it.....all the time....24/7. And I can prove it........they take more pictures, do more crafts, spend all their time doing fun things with their kids. They talk about their kids more, they write about their kids more....it seems they just do more. They love their babies.

Now, don't freak out. I love my kids.....and I have always wanted kids......but being a super mommy doesn't come naturally to me like it does to others. I actually look forward to putting my kids to bed.....or having a day to myself. There are even times when I am playing with them and I am thinking....okay...15 more minutes....then we'll move on to something else. There are times when I want nothing else than to be with my kids......and then there are times I want nothing else than to be somewhere else. I was never the mom who cried when I left my kids....I missed them.....but I never second guessed leaving them with their grammy or auntie.

So I guess I compare myself...and I shouldn't.....but we all do, don't we?

So I wonder...why me God? Why "bless" us with another baby when our kids are finally to the point where I enjoy them so much more. Why me when there are so many other mommies who are better mommies?

Why?

So, even though I am finally able to be more excited about an addition to our family....and I am thankful for the blessing and honor it is to be a mommy.....I still sometimes lay in bed and wonder. I wonder about all things....and I wonder about the why's.......

and on a positive note.....I even wonder what this little guy will be like, who he will look like....and what he will grow to be.

The Contest

2008-12-15T10:45:00.001-08:00

No, this isn't a reference to the infamous Sienfeld episode (although maybe if we had tried to abstain I wouldn't be pregnant. lol joke people, it's a joke), but rather something fun to participate in.

Paul and I found out we having a little boy- Cue- "Hooray!". We are excited and the kids are thrilled...although we are happy with any healthy baby, boy or girl.
So the cat is out of the bag as to the gender.....but we have decided to keep mum on the name we have chosen....well, almost chosen. I am still on the fence....and I can easily be swayed.

So here's the contest.Who can guess the name we picked? I will give you two clues........

1. The first name is just a name we like...no special meaning. (and if you know us and have listened to paul in the past...you will have a head start on this one)

2. The middle name is a literary reference....one specifically close to Paul's heart.

Here's the prize.....if you guess the name....I will tell you. If you recommend a name I like and end up changing the name to yours...you get bragging rights of naming the baby.

So go ahead...make your predictions......especially you silent stalkers (yes, I am talking to you) it can be even more fun if I don't know the name of the person it's coming from :-)

How Oprah Changed Me

2008-12-13T15:12:00.000-08:00

Now Don't laugh....the title is a bit misleading.....but not really. Oprah made a huge impact in my life when I was young. I hate to admit it these days with people putting her on the level as a god.....but somehow, many years ago through a little TV screen she help send me on a journey that helped me get to where I am now.

So where am I?

I am in a loving, faithful and trustful relationship with an amazing man who is so humble it continues to surprise. I am in a house. I have never lived in a house before. I have two children with a little surprise on the way who will grow up with two parents. I have wonderful family and friends.....people who love me despite all my short comings.

and I have a new relationship.....one with a dad I never knew.

My parents divorced even before I was conceived. I find that fact pretty funny.....but I was. The first few years of my life were tumultuous with my dad in the picture. I'll spare you the details....but let's just say this one little girl had an enormous amount of hate in her heart. I barely knew him and barely saw him and when i was around 3 or so......he was gone. Gone to be with his other wife and children. This obviously left me with lots of feelings of abandonment, anger, pain and resentment growing up. The days of jr. high and high school were hard enough going through puberty and trying to navigate relationships let alone trying to deal with all my anger and abandonment issues.

But there I was....sitting on my couch one day watching Oprah. You remember those good ole Oprah episodes, where her hair was a poof ball and she got real emotional with her guests?.....Yep, it was one of those and I think the guest was an adult who had been abused by a parent when they were young. They were talking about how that said adult was able to move on and not hold onto her anger and bitterness. Then Oprah said the most profound thing, which was profound to me cuz I had never heard it before. I am paraphrasing here but she said something like this, "We are responsible for our own anger and bitterness". The idea being of what we do with that anger and hurt is our fault...not the person who inflicted it. That was huge for me. I didn't want to hold onto all my crap and grow into someone who was bitter and angry. I decided right then that I would work out my anger and try to learn to let it go.

and I did.

it was hard.....really, really hard.

I have to be honest and say that my faith was a huge part of that work. I don't think that without my relationship with God I would have been able to fully let it go. I read a lot of scripture that spoke to me about bitterness, anger and forgiveness and although it was Oprah who started me on that path....it was God who always held my hand and led me through it (even deeper I know that it was really God all the time.....).

It's been a long journey.....but my dad has re-entered the picture. I have to admit and say that it's a little awkward at times....and that my motive in the beginning was for my kids. I want to give them every possibility to know their family which is something I never had. It has been such a joy to see them get to know their grandpa and I am slowly getting to know this man who is my dad.

But the best thing is......I broke the cycle. That latch key kid from a broken home who at one time was full of anger and hate is no longer. My kids won't have to grow up knowing what feeling abandoned is like.......they won't have the same "issues" i had growing up. They have two parents who love each other and love them. They have a place where they feel safe...a place to wonder, grow, wrestle and laugh. I thought about these things the other night as I was brushing Riley's hair in the bathroom and her Dad walked by doing the silly dance and I smiled.

Oprah started me on a journey that led me to a place where anger holds no one captive and love & forgiveness easily rest.

Kanye vs. Stephen Colbert

2008-12-03T12:31:00.000-08:00

Sometimes Stephen Colbert is just too funny not to share.

Embrace

2008-12-01T13:47:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know me personally, my wonderful husband is not only a great man, father and pastor....but a talented artist. He has a unique perspective that is all his own.

About two years ago a friend of mine commissioned him to paint a painting for her new home. This was one of the sketches he came up with. Although, my friend never ended using this piece.....I fell in love with it.

This pictures touches my soul in so many different ways. Sometimes it depicts how our Heavenly Father holds us in embrace during times of joy, sorrow, grief, pain and happiness. Other times, it illustrates how a father holds his daughter when they are snuggling. And even still, other times it reminds me how a husband embraces his wife in all things.

It's comforting.....and every time I look at it, no matter how I look at it, I feel loved and cherished.

This piece has been pinned up in my office since he brought it home. Today he posted it on his blog.....and I couldn't resist posting it as well.

Note: if you are interested in seeing Paul's artistic side....he is starting to post things regularly on his blog. Check it out Here

Note to Honey: Now will you paint it for me???

Have You Ever Wondered What Being in Ministry is Like?

2008-11-27T10:41:00.000-08:00

It's like this........

and just when you think you have a grip on what's going on

it does this

and this.......

Sure, it can be exhilarating.......but right now in my experience, I don't know which way is up and which way is down.

....and it's exhausting.

:-) And I'm not even the one being payed.

Part of the Chorus

2008-11-25T13:01:00.000-08:00

A month or two ago my friend Kristi shared with me that her and the worship team at their church were planning a "Night of Worship". They were looking to do some new things and old things and it sounded really cool.

I love attending worship nights especially at different churches. It gives me a glimpse into the heart of other churches, but it also helps me to just be and not worry who is around me.

So I put it on my calendar and told my husband that we were going.

A week before the service, I got word that my one of my best friend's, Melinda, dad passed away and his service would be the very same weekend of the "Worship Night". You would think, "No Problem" I can do both. But the memorial service was in Arizona. That means....I had to make a choice.

It really was a simple choice, but it still made me sad. I had been looking forward to what Kristi and her team had been planning.....and I must admit, i was looking forward to seeing her lead worship. She has the beautiful gift of music and this amazing heart...so you put those together with Worship Leader and you know you are in for a treat.

But a special thing happened.

I drove to Arizona and was invited to a special evening of worship with Melinda's family.
All of her family (and there were a lot) and out of town friends arrived at their home on Friday night to be together, eat dinner and have some time of praise.

Around 7pm... about the same time that the "Night of Worship" was taking place in California, we begun our night of worship in Arizona. He sat together as Melinda led in worship and we sang loudly, joyfully, quietly and thankfully to our God for the life of her dad. It was simply beautiful.
We sang new songs and some favorite hymns....and while we were singing I couldn't help but think....that we were joining in with the voices of those in California praising and thanking our God for who He is.

And it was Powerful.

I was no longer in a room with 30+ people, but I was part of a choir......raising our voices to a God who has been, who is and who will always be faithful.

It didn't matter that we were singing different songs.....it was even more beautiful knowing that we were.

and I couldn't help but feel the tiniest of inkling that God was pleased...and He felt praised.

So although I didn't get to be in California at "the Night of Worship", I was still part of the chorus.....and it was amazing.

Well Done My Good and Faithful Servant

2008-11-22T17:50:00.000-08:00

Today i attended the memorial service for Roy Reiswig and it was a beautiful celebration & tribute to the life he lived.

Roy is one of my best friend's father. He was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's at 52.....and at 61 on Nov. 4th he left his body wilting away here on earth and flew away to be with his heavenly father.

He was a man that lived out his life faithfully in such an exemplary way. He lived the kind of life that many wish they could and He was intentional about loving his God, His wife and his family.

There were many wonderful things that were said at his memorial. But the most striking one to me came from his son Mark. Mark shared that although is dad was a minister for most of his life, he didn't let that define who he was. His dad showed him that it wasn't what he did that defined him....but who he was and who he belonged to.

Maybe it's because my husband is a pastor that I could resonate with what he was saying. But I also think it was because sometimes we get caught up in what we do as an occupation that we let THAT define us.

and that's not really who we are.....

.......my husband is so much more than just a pastor......and I am so much more than a stay at home mom......

I am a child of God, and my husband is a child of God...... And in having that knowledge I can only hope that when my life ends i will be remembered for being intentional about loving my God, my husband and my family.

A Crafty Shout Out- Our Craft Lounge

2008-11-22T17:40:00.000-08:00

I'm not a very crafty person. I can make something by borrowing ideas from other people who are craft geniuses.
My Friend Patti is a craft genius....as is her little sister, Kimberly. I have seen some of the cutest things come from their minds.

Last week, Kimberly opened her own stamping business. What an exciting moment!

If you are into stamps, scrap booking, making cards etc, etc. I encourage you to check out her site, www.ourcraftlounge.com.

There are some really cute things there.

Feeling the Birthday Love

2008-11-19T09:25:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday.

I have already had:

Birthday Breakfast in bed.
3 handmade cards
Lots of birthday hugs and kisses and birthday pats
3 birthday emails
4 birthday phone calls
2 birthday texts
5 birthday serenades
19 birthday wishes on Facebook
7 birthday cards

and it's only 9:30 in the morning.

I feel loved.

Very Very loved.

Thank you. ;-)

Here's a family birthday picture taken before school....

All Growed up....

2008-11-16T12:43:00.001-08:00

Lately, I have been taking extreme pleasure in reconnecting with old friends from my younger years . Networks such as Facebook and Blogger have given me a time warp back to the days when I was a punky kid to a teenager and college student trying to figure things out.

There have been times when I have looked back and have regretted not keeping in better contact with those people that had walked through my life and burned memories in my heart.

So, the past few months have been exhilarating chatting up with elementary school buddies that I haven't heard from in probably 20 years.

But probably the most profound people I have cherished "seeing again" are a few young people that over the past 15-20 years I have thought of often and at times I have called out to God in prayer for.

In high school, my faith sprouted up quickly and instantly went into service mode. I was blessed to be at a vibrant church that had so many opportunities for young people to serve in different ways. So when I graduated high school, I took a huge leap of faith and joined the Jr. High Staff at our church, which then led to a year on High School staff. Through those years, I had the privilege of "hanging out" with some of the most incredible Jr. High & High School girls ever. As staff, I led small groups, had sleep overs, did a lot of toilet papering and took on being a counselor several times for a week at Hume Lake.

I loved it....and I loved those girls. Watching them grow up and learn and question and fail and get back up was the best lesson in faith for me. There were times when I would be sitting with some of them and I would glance at them.....and not see the hormone infested body of a teenage girl....but the beautiful woman that God was molding them to be....and I would often be left in awe.
I remember having "my group of girls"......but my awe always extended farther to other kids that weren't in my small group.

I look back now and think I probably wasn't the best "role model" for the girls. I sometimes think I did more harm then good.....but then there are times when I hope that at least they felt loved....at least they felt accepted in a time in their lives where acceptance and love don't seem to be given out unconditionally.

I say all this, because in reconnecting with some of these people.....it brings about emotions of .....

sigh....

I don't know...pride?....joy?.....I don't know....it's hard to explain.
The best description I can give is it's like a mother watching her children growing up and seeing the possibility and the potential in your child come into bloom as their child becomes an adult, gets married and has their own children.

But they aren't my children.....they are someone else's and they ultimately belong to God.

Today I read a blog of a girl that used to be in my small group.....and I sat there and cried ...just filled with joy in seeing beauty come into full bloom.

That's what I do.....I see their pictures on facebook and get to peek into their grown up lives and I get all teary.

So although I may not see them, hang out with them, or even talk to them.....I value them and love them......and am so pleased that in their grown- up lives they have still held onto the Hope that was created in them long ago.

The Sign Said, "I Want My Own Elf."

2008-11-11T19:59:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday night I went on a date with my 7 yr old, Jeremiah. His sister was at a sleepover and his daddy was in Texas so it was just me and him. He had been feeling a little left out earlier in the day when Riley and her friend were talking about their big night. So I talked up our date and told him we were gonna have a a great night.

Dinner was his choice......and he chose good ole' In-N-Out.

Then I took him to Gamestop. Jeremiah loves computer games and his Wii. He is a very simple boy. We have had the Wii for 6 months with only one game and one controller....but he is perfectly happy with it, and has never asked for a new game. I remembered him saying last week that he wanted to put one (yes...only one) game on his Christmas list. It was the widely loved game....MarioKart.
The thing with MarioKart is there is a wheel you can buy as well. It makes for a more "real experience" when playing the game since you driving with an actual wheel. But as Jeremiah told me a few days prior, it's not necessary....you can play with just the regular controller.

Well we walked into Gamestop....which is fun in itself since we never go there. There are lots of games to look at and you can even try out the new games on their PSP's or Wii's.
I told Jeremiah that our date was to see if we could find a used game he might like and then we could go home and play together.

Smiles and excitement followed.

After a while of looking at games, Miah asked the guy if he had any used MarioKart games.
The salesman....obviously very good at his job, found one for him and also pointed out that they had brand new ones that came with the actual wheel...but was more money. (duh!)

So we had a decision....the new one with the wheel or the used one with no wheel? Inside I was sad because the budget called for the used one and I didn't know how to break that to him.

After a few moments I said, 'Well buddy, let's talk about what we should do."
So Jeremiah thought...and here was his response....
"Mommy, it would be nice to have the new one with the wheel, but I don't want you to spend that much money on me."

um....I am sure the people in the store saw me melting right there on the spot.

I grabbed Jeremiah in my arms and with a big squeeze I told Jeremiah I loved him and I would love to get him the brand new one.

Here is a boy who rarely wants anything. He's not a boy who needs or wants much. He's happy and content with all that he has. Sure, he's a kid and there are times he really wants something.....but it doesn't happen often. He is also such a good boy. He's kind and gentle.....and such a good listener and he never complains or whines when I bring something home for Riley.

So why not reward him with something he wants but knows he doesn't need and is okay with not having it?

So we bought the new one and we went home and had a blast staying up late and playing MarioKart.

The next day I walked into Old Navy and all of their marketing is a hook for Christmas shopping. It all starts with, " I want...."
There was even one slogan that said, "I want my own elf".

and I thought to myself...the world could use more Jeremiahs.......

Reading and Tea in "The Taliban's backyard"

2008-11-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

I love to read. I'm not voracious as some....but it's something I really value and enjoy.

I've never been part of a book club....but I think some day I would. Books are so powerful and they open up your mind to things that you have never experienced or been aware of. Books take you places that you have never traveled and they take you away when you need to escape.

Recently, I just finished a fantastic story. It was recommended by a good friend from high school, Casey, who also introduced me to one of my great loves ,U2. So when he mentioned it, I was sure it would be a quality book.

I am by nature a pretty fast reader. Although, there are times when I get impatient with descriptions of things with drawn out paragraphs and I will skim instead of soaking up the words.
So, I usually finish a book pretty quickly. Pre-kid age, I would finish a book in a day or two. Once I am engulfed in a book, I can't put it down. Now that I have kids and I actually have to stop and make dinner or help them do something...finishing a book that fast rarely happens .....like when I am on vacation alone- get my point? :-)
So, it will usually takes me a week or so to get through a book.

"Three Cups of Tea" took me almost a month to get through and another month to blog about... but not because it was hard to find time to read, but because it was so rich, I didn't want to miss a single morsel and I wanted to process slowly all the rich themes in the book.

"Three Cups..." written by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin is a story of one regular guy who stumbled upon a Pakistani village while lost after a failed attempt to climb K2 and in the end built an amazing educational infrastructure to some of the poorest people in the country. It's the story of a man....who saw a need and actually did something about it and changed the future of women in rural Pakistan. And he did all this in"Taliban's back yard". Greg Mortenson is that man.....and after i read only the introduction to the book...I knew somehow I would be changed.

And I was.

My eyes were opened to see a culture and a people group that I knew little about. Beautiful people that live without much and want for nothing....except for education.

Education changes everything. Education ushers in hope...peace...and a chance to understand not only yourself but others as well.

Education is a powerful thing and after reading this book....I wonder why we don't help other countries gain access to education more. I know we do...but can't we do more? That's just one tiny question I was left with after finishing this book.....as well as many others.

I want to encourage you to read this book. I believe there is a great discussion to be had regarding the central themes within this story. If anything, it educates you about the people living in rural villages....as well as the majestic beauty of Pakistan. And boy, does it sound beautiful!

So go out and get it now...borrow, buy or steal....and you won't be sorry.
If you want more information on the book ( I know i didn't give too much) click here and you can also find out how to buy it through Amazon and 7% of the proceeds will go to the Central Asia Institute (the foundation founded by Mortenson).

Once you read it....email me and let's discuss :-)

Getting Back To Things That Really Matter

2008-11-05T22:14:00.000-08:00

TV.

lol. Just kidding.

But seriously.....how many of you out there are watching good tv? I enjoy entertainment and in this day there are so many quality shows out there. I know I have to be picky about the shows I watch due to the amount of time I have.

When I pick a show it has to be better than good. Yes, I can be somewhat of a TV snob (even though I have one or two guilty pleasures).

I also read about critically acclaimed shows ( like Mad Men and The Closer) so I am knowledgeable in discussions about them. There are even many shows I wished I could watch...but my time and previous loyalties don't allow it. I am hoping to catch them on DVD sometime....(3rd Rock here I come).

So here is my list of shows that I love....and want you to love too:

1. Friday Night Lights- I am a HUGE fan of this show. The quality of writing, editing and filming is some of the best I think is on TV. I also think that the relationship between Coach and his Wife is the best depiction of a real and healthy marriage I have ever seen on television. The acting is high caliber not only with the stars but with supporting characters as well. It's not perfect by any means...but I think America is missing out on this show. It's good stuff- funny, heartbreaking, messy, and real (except for the murder storyline-but even in that it was well acted).

2. The Office- I must confess I heart Jim & Pam, but they aren't why I watch this show. It's just brilliantly funny. The Office is awkward humor at it's best.

3. Gossip Girl- okay...so this may not be critically acclaimed and high caliber tv....but I did say I have one guilty pleasure....and this is it. I love how they can layer bitchiness with heart. There are things I don't like about this show....but there are some things they do pretty well......like their cunning plots to take someone down. I didn't know people could be so bad.

4. The Big Bang Theory- I know I blogged about this show here earlier, but really....this show is genius. It is the funniest sitcom on tv right now. No one makes me laugh as hard as Sheldon does.

Here are a few shows I like....but mostly watch out of loyalty:

1. Grey's Anatomy- The first two seasons just sucked me in. They were so rich and so great. The last two seasons have left me wanting....but I like a good comeback, so I am hoping Shonda will turn this show around.

2. Ugly Betty- Honestly...sometimes this show annoys me...but Marc & Amanda are hilarious as well as Marc & Willemenia have some of the greatest lines on tv today.

3. Heroes- I am getting impatient with this show. I think it started out brilliantly....but it has tried to do too much. I loved how the first season was all about ordinary people with powers and stories of how they dealt with them in their everyday lives. Now it's just heroes turning bad, then back to good then into a villain then into good again. I am so confused....aren't you?

And here is the show I desperately want to love...I will even settle for like:

1. The Fringe- Joshua Jackson.....need I say more? I wanted to love this show. It is created by one of my favorites.....JJ Abrams....and it stars one of my favorite young actors....Joshua Jackson. But over time I have found myself more annoyed with it than loving it. Here's why. The lead tries too hard to be Sydney Bristow/Jennifer Garner in Alias. But the problem is she never smiles. She's not a happy person...and she is not relate-able at all. I don't think the writing is all that great either . Sure- there are some great one liners....but for the most part, it all seems recycled. Paul and I can practically guess spot on what they will say or what will happen next. It's too predictable. I am also very frustrated that at times they use Lost's signature music. It doesn't make the show more creepy....it just makes me wish January was here so we could watch an episode of Lost. Also, they need to make me care about the characters more...right now I am apathetic. And finally...They need to use Joshua Jackson more (he's hot!)....and I don't mean as a romantic lead with the Olivia.

So looking back at the shows I watch I am realizing that some of the stuff I watch may have to go to make room for shows I have been wanting to take on...... like House, Mad Men, Chuck and 3rd Rock.

What about you? What do you love? what do you like and what do you wish you could watch?

The Election Rally Cry....Exhaustion

2008-11-04T15:50:00.000-08:00

So tonight we learn who our next leader will. It's been a long election year, there have been many debates- on the campaign trail and on the domestic trail. There has been been many emails forwarded- both ridiculous and funny. And there has been thousands of people counting on their candidate winning.

But at the end of election day...after I have casted my vote, I almost don't care who wins anymore.
Sure...there's a candidate that I think might do a little bit better of a job than the other....and saying I don't care doesn't mean I am completely apathetic. It just seems I have realigned my perspective with what really matters.

We live in a marvelous country. It's a great country. Even when I am frustrated with our politics and the way we as Americans choose to live...I still realize how blessed I am to be born here. We have so many freedoms...and we live in luxury compared to the rest of the world. So in thinking about who will win tonight....it almost doesn't matter. No matter who wins....our country will not turn to shambles. Our constitution will remain in place, and we will learn to get through whatever hardships may come our way. It may not be the way some think it should go....but we will still persevere through it.

As a Christian I know where my faith truly lies. I know that God will always care for me and provide for me...whatever that looks like. My husband could lose his job, something tragic could happen to a close friend or family member, or we could lose our house.....but I know God loves me and will stay with me through it. I may not like it. It may be tough and I could through a crisis of faith , but He is there.

Our next president is just a man. But God is God and I find putting all my eggs in His basket way more comforting than who wins this election.

Awhile ago I was completely for one candidate, but as the campaign continued to wear on.....I wasn't so gung ho for my candidate. I became frustrated with the campaign and with my candidate of choice. But I wasn't happy with the alternative either.....but I still voted.

I voted because it's my right and privilege to vote (I even waited 3 hours along with hundreds of others last week to vote). I voted even though I knew California is a sea of blue and it didn't really matter who I voted for. I voted because it makes me a part of this great country.

So even though I am exhausted by it all....it feels good to vote. It feels good to have that privilege and I Know whoever wins.....we'll be ok.

Prop 8: Hate or relate?

2008-11-02T22:16:00.001-08:00

Proposition 8 is a particularly very heated issue on the California ticket this election. I have steered away from conversing about it because I think I am on the "unpopular" way of thinking among my friends that are Christians. It's not something I want to argue.

My friend Kristi wrote a beautiful post on why she is voting yes on Prop 8. Kristi is someone who I respect a great deal and I know who has put a lot of thought and prayer into her decision. My other friend Diane also wrote on her position of Prop 8 and why she is voting no. Diane, like Kristi is someone who I respect and whose thoughts I value. They are both people who love Jesus and love people with such compassion. They are also people who love & respect each other.

Their courage to blog aloud about this issue has given me mine. My words will not be as eloquent but I wanted to give voice to my thoughts in a simple a way.

I have thought a lot about this issue. For you non Californians, voting yes on prop 8 would basically not make it possible for the homosexual community to marry. It defines marriage between a man and a woman.

Quite honestly, this issue has been a really hard one for me. I am still searching and grasping for what God would do in this situation. I am still on the side of (yet wrestling with at the same time) God creating marriage for a man and woman. After reading Kristi's blog. I agree with everything she said and side with her basic beliefs about scripture(click on link above to read- I am too lazy to basically re-type something that she has already put into words).

Today at church we had a guest speaker about the persecuted church all over the world. It was a wonderful reminder of the freedom I have to worship God in America without the fear of death, imprisonment or threats. Our country declares the freedom of religion......and as an American I feel the responsibility to declare that freedom for others who may not believe what I believe. As I have grown in my faith I continue to believe more and more in the separation of church and state. It's this freedom that gives me, as a follower of Christ the ability to worship and take communion weekly.

I also am aware that I am a Christian first. That I am a follower of Christ and what I hold true I need to stand up for.

I do believe that marriage defined by my God is created for a man and a woman. But I am still voting (actually I already voted) No on Prop 8 and this is why:

Simply because of the fact that if the State of California changes the definition of marriage to include homosexuals it doesn't change my definition....and it doesn't change the church's.

At this time in my life, I don't feel it's right to not allow someone else the same basic right that I have to marry.

But that's just my opinion. I honestly respect and understand many others who think differently....as long as they have really thought & prayed over their decision instead of just screaming "God made Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve".
Seriously....that statement makes me so mad.....but I won't go there...... this time......

Missing My Blog World and Friends

2008-10-30T11:20:00.001-07:00

I am officially cheating at work today. I can't stand it anymore.

I miss blogging and I miss reading & commenting on my favorite blogs (which are on the side of my blog)

By the time I get home from getting the kiddos, doing homework, dinner, bed time etc etc. I usually have to fold laundry....or if I do have free time, physically I am just too tired to tap on the keyboard.
So Sad.

I peeked on my dashboard today and I see ALL the posts I am missing. Sniff. Sniff.

I can't wait for time this weekend to catch up and read...and maybe do a little posting of my own.

So dear blog buddies....know I miss you and my lack of commenting and posting is due to this horrible economy that makes me half to work.

Will Obama or McCain fix that for me?

lol

Here's me cheating at work (Leslie...don't tell Paul, I don't want to get fired!)

until this weekend
xxoo

So Proud

2008-10-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to my nephew's Cross country meet. He is in 8th grade and this is his first year running.

He is such a stud....He came in 4th place!
Way to go Jakers!!!!

Fear

2008-10-25T17:45:00.000-07:00

So I am in the middle of the Golden Trimester. For all you who haven't had children or who are men....this is the time in a women's pregnancy when all is well in the world. For most pregnant women this is when they have finally come out of the nausea, tired and feeling bloated stage and into the all food sounds great, more energy and great sex stage.

So I should be feeling great right?

riiight! well actually not so much. I have found myself too be more exhausted and my hormones are all over the place. I notice this due to the simple fact that I have already been pregnant twice and I know how I should be feeling. I also know this because most of the time I am a pretty even keel kinda girl. For the most part I am someone who is pretty easy going and can roll with the punches.

But something is off this time. I have been finding myself having a really hard time just dealing with ordinary tasks. I am easily stressed and anxious about what needs to happen or what we might be doing that day or week. Many times I have to try to keep myself from crying....but I don't know why I am. It seems like life is too much for me and I just can't handle the full plate I am used to eating.

I noticed this right away....and told my friend Rebecca who I knew would encourage me to talk to someone....a professional someone. I knew I really needed that encouragement and that's why i went to her.
I came home one night and emotionally vomited on my husband who, after being a great listener, offered that a Stephen Minister might be good for me right now (he also gave me a lovely foot rub). I even told my OB what was going on....and guess what she suggested as well?......for me to go see a therapist or a psychologist ( as well as telling me what i am feeling is completely normal for someone who is pregnant with 2 kids and working part-time).

I went to all three people knowing what I needed to do...but somehow I still had fear in taking that first step.

For me....doing that goes much deeper.

When Paul was in seminary there was a lot of hard stuff going on in my family. I ended up going to the campus therapist for a few visits to help me deal with the craziness. i wasn't depressed or anything....I just needed help in figuring out how to manage myself and my loved ones in the midst of some trying situations. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. It was such a wonderful experience that I always would encourage friends who were going through hard times to maybe do the same.

So even though I had this great experience....I still was having a hard time taking the step to talk to someone.

You see....depression runs pretty rampant in my family. It's not fun growing up with a depressed mom and a grandmother on anti-depressants. I told myself that I never wanted to be like them. I didn't want to end up like that. I am so fearful of the chemical imbalance that sometimes it freezes me in that fear.

So for me...going to talk to someone about the possibility that my pregnancy is raking havoc so much with my hormones that i might be slightly depressed or dealing with anxiety is really hard for me. Sometimes I am afraid that the ability to be positive and deal with stress as I usually do won't come back.

I know I can't live in this fear. It's not healthy. I know what I should do and I am very aware of how helpful talking to someone can be.
It's just hard....and frankly it's almost too tiring.

But I will. I made an appt. and I am waiting to hear. The nice thing is that I have felt a tiny bit better the past few days.....so maybe I am coming back into balance.

My Fam

2008-10-20T11:07:00.000-07:00

I love this picture.

Full of Love

2008-10-19T22:16:00.001-07:00

That's how I feel sometimes when I am at Church.

I look around and I am filled with love for the people that are sitting next to me, standing beside me, behind me, in front of me....across the room from me.

I do. I know it sounds hokey, but sometimes I think about my church and faces of our congregation come to my mind and I smile because my heart is full of joy and love over them.

There are times when I even envision the day that Paul and I might be called to another church, and thinking of that last day of being at our "home" with our "family" will bring a rush of tears to my eyes.

You would think it would be just my closest friends that I would thinking about but it's not just them. Or you might think it would only be the people that are nice and kind, people who have done great things, or people who have been really good to us. And they are people I think about, but it's even more than that. It's everyone. It's even the people that 'chap my hide" (as I wrote earlier in the summer).

It's weird, but i can see their faces. Faces of our encouragers, our challengers, our friends, our parents of teenagers, our elderly and our staff. Oh how I love each person on our staff!

I can see the people that don't agree with us and the people that i know that probably gab about us behind our back.

I can see the people who I wish I got to know better and the people who I was only on a "hi" basis with.

I envision the children, the teenagers, the college students, the people that left our church and I envision the people that probably think I don't think much about them.....but I do.

I see the family we created with all those we were in small groups together.....and all those I wish we could have been in small groups together.

I even see the people that move quietly and don't like to be noticed....they are usually the biggest servants.

I see members of our choir and the amazing musicians that play every week.

I see them and not only do I see them, I hold them in my heart. I think of them and I thank God for each and every one of them.

It's amazing to me that I can really love all those people...flaws and all.....

Cause I do......and I smile.

Must be how God feels....

I think it's Taggerific

2008-10-19T21:45:00.001-07:00

I was tagged by Jodi....(dang it Jodi!)- :-)

1. So I dislike doing these kind of things....but I secretly love to read what people say in them ....so I feel obliged to share too.

2. I used to dance ( and sometimes sing) in the supermarket aisles as a kid in hopes I would get discovered.

3. When my kids were toddlers I secretly loved it when they were sick (not throw up sick....just fever sick) Because that meant I had an excuse to cuddle up on the couch all day with my little one and catch up on movies while they soundly slept their fever off (or maybe I would nap too). I love a good cuddle and I love having an excuse to not clean the house or do laundry.

4. I ate raw ground beef as a child....and loved it. On a special occasion my mom would give me a tiny piece and I would roll it up and salt it and pop it in. This was of course before mad cow disease.

5. My best friend and I in high school had a bet time to see who could"scam" with the most guys in a weekend. We tied. After the first guy we felt so bad that we called a truce.

6. I get my best ideas in the shower or just as I am about to nod off to sleep at night.

7. My milk has to be cold.....right out of the fridge cold. If someone has a cereal box and a gallon of milk on the table, I can't do it. I don't like milk that is at any temperature but very cold.

Okay....so the winners of taggerific are JJ, Paul, Kristi, The Reverand's Lover, Sarah T,
Sarah B, and Rebecca,

Tag...Now you are it.

Jeremiah = Sheldon

2008-10-16T22:36:00.000-07:00

Do any of you watch the Big Bang Theory on Monday Nights?

Paul and I do.

My friend turned me onto the show last fall when she claimed one of the characters reminded her of Jeremiah. So I tuned in.....after watching two shows and hearing me bust a gut from the other room, Paul began to join me.

Paul doesn't watch much TV outside of sports, The Office and Lost...so for him to "pick up" another show is a big deal.

Every Monday we sit down together and watch The Big Bang Theory. It really is one of the more funny sitcoms on TV right now. Out of the 4 shows it has aired this season, 3 of them had me laughing so hard that I continued laughing during the commercial break (or actually the fast forward on the DVR).

Our favorite character is Sheldon. He is bit of an Asperger's type personality. He's a genius that's anal but lacks serious social skills....which makes for funny FUNNY moments.

There are times when I see Jeremiah in this character.....or maybe the future of Jeremiah. The past episode illustrated this thought even more clearly. Sheldon had to fake being happy......and forced a "happy" smile on his face for the good of his friend. This is the exact smile Jeremiah gives when asked to smile for a picture. Scary how similar it is.

Another characteristic Jeremiah and Sheldon share is their lack of understanding sarcasm.
Here's a conversation I had with Jeremiah yesterday morning.

M-"Jeremiah, try on those shoes" (pointing to a pair of black sneakers i just got out of the closet.
J- "ok"
10 seconds later
M- "Miah try on those shoes please"
J- "OOHH, these shoes?" (pointing to the only pair of shoes in front of him, or even in his sight)
M- " No, Jeremiah....the red shoes."
J- "Mom, I don't see any red shoes."
M " I was being sarcastic, yes, those shoes."
J- " what does sarcastic mean?"
M- "Jeremiah you have to untie the shoe and undo the velcro to get your foot in the shoe.
J- "ohhhhh, ok."

Did I mention he is in 2nd grade......and his teacher wants to put him in a third grade gate class cuz he's so smart?

I love Sheldon because he shows me that even in his misunderstanding of sarcasm and his lack of "social graces" he has somehow gathered a community of friends around him that stick by him. These guys love him despite him being completely anal and annoying. And that's a beautiful thing.

So if you are looking for something to watch on Monday nights....or for something that gives you a good belly laugh.....check out the Big Bang Theory.....you probably wont be disappointed......and you just might see the future Jeremiah in there some where.

TOOT! TOOT!

2008-10-14T20:16:00.001-07:00

So rarely do I toot my own horn.

As a mom, I never consider myself that great. So whenever I do have a day where I feel like, "Damn I was good today" (which isn't often at all), I have to say it out loud so it becomes more real.

Today is one of those days. It's 8:18pm and I am quite surprised at the amount of mommy and wife things I did today.

Paul had his Vasectomy today, so not only was he useless as a helper with the kids but he became the served (and rightly so since his friends down there got a little snip snip).

So after work, being a great wife....I went by the store and picked up his favorite drink, his favorite dessert (ice cream) and makings for dinner requested by him.

Then I picked up the kids and we made our rounds to two different grocery stores to pick up Mother's Cookies (which are, sniff, sniff, out of business).

We came home where I tended to the patient and completed the following list all before 830pm.

1. Waited on hubby, changing his frozen peas.
2. Worked on homework with the kids
3. Straightened up the house (it was a mess)
4. Made homemade mashed potatoes, chicken teriyaki Hawaiian style, and salad. (and we are talking real salad....not salad from a bag. I actually cut up the lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers and carrots myself)
5. Served my family....yes my whole family....dinner in bed.
6. Cleaned all the dishes, some hand washed and others in the dishwasher. Kitchen is now clean ;-)
7. Me & the kids decorated our house with Halloween decorations.
8. Did 4 loads of laundry...all folded and put away
9. Didn't yell or snap at kids when it came to discipline. I calmly sent Riley to her room and used good parenting techniques.
10. Read and cuddled with the kids
11. Served my hubby dessert in bed
12. Listened to my children say beautiful prayers (which are few and far between) and almost teared up as Riley thanked God that Mommy and Miah forgave her when she was being mean.
13. I wrote two blog posts....and may write a third to post for tomorrow
14. I did this all while being completely exhausted and hormonal from being 5 months pregnant!

Damn.......I don't know about you....but even if I didn't get to the homemade cookies.......I'm good!

disclaimer......I never EVER toot my own horn...so if you are reading this thinking this woman is so full of herself....there's nothing I can say to change your mind but stick around and maybe you'll read hopefully a more humble me.

R.I.P.

2008-10-14T16:06:00.001-07:00

Today I heard the devastating news.

My childhood sweetheart has passed on. No longer will I be able to sneak secret rendezvous with my childhood lover.
The crisp sweet goodness of the circus animal, iced oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies will never again pass my lips.
Even the assorted bag that brought surprise to my taste buds when i grabbed it's goodness from inside the bag will be no more.

Today I ran to my mistress searching in 4 different stores for her remains.

She was scattered, but I was able to salvage a few of her. All in all I spent probably $50 not only for myself but for my sister's family as well.

And when I open up that bag and bite into my sugary delight every penny will be worth it.

If you hadn't heard......
Mother's Cookies officially closed their doors this past weekend.

Run, I repeat RUN to your nearest store, they are vanishing quickly!

In Memory of......

2008-10-13T08:08:00.000-07:00

It could be anyone.....but yesterday morning and this morning it was simply a homeless man.

An article in the LA Times reported on a homeless man cared for by the working neighbors of the street he called home was torched to death by cruel men.

Usually I don't read articles like this simply because I know where my heart will go and I will have to try to explain away the tears to my kids sitting next to me at the table.

But I read it anyway....and my heart was broken for this man. A man who lived on the sidewalk, yet never asked for handouts and seemingly respected those around him. The business owners on the street where he lived talked about his kindness and how he became almost like family not only to them, but to their regular customers as well.

Then this morning, the man was identified by his family. A family that truly loved him and tried countless times to help him get off the streets. A family that wasn't ashamed to bring their children to visit uncle Johnny on many occasions. A family that made sure he had money and clothes and batteries for his radio. A family that saw him as a boy who loved comic books and ran around with a towel as his cape.

This was a man.....a human being.

And my heartbreaks simply because I know others simply didn't see him that way. That's obvious by the horrific way he died. Some may say he must have been doing drugs, or he was an alcoholic or that he choose to simply live that way.

But I have learned that most people don't choose to live that way......

There was a song we sang in church yesterday and one of the lines was...
"everyone needs compassion......everyone needs forgiveness"

Everyone.

Yes, everyone.

So today my prayer is not only to celebrate the man that was killed and pray for peace for his family, but also for the men that did it. May grace and compassion fall on them in such a way it changes it their lives.

Circle of Life

2008-10-11T20:11:00.000-07:00

Let me just say right away this post has nothing to do with the uber critical darling that is known as the "Lion King", nor is it about death and life.

It's more a celebration of who we are as God's people and how we are connected.

When I dived into the blogging world, I had no idea what I was in for. I enjoyed reading my friend's blogs and every now and then I would peek into their friends' blogs.

After a while I decided to go for it and began blogging and processing my own feelings for all my friends to see.

But the amazing blessing that happened next I had no idea was coming.

As I blogged, people I have never met before began to comment and read what I wrote. I was extremely humbled that a stranger would take the time to read what I thought.....and not only read it, but resonate with it as well. I felt a little validated and encouraged that I was not alone in my walk as an "unlikely pastor's wife". I started reading their blogs and found myself connected to them in ways that extended beyond geography and physical presence.

Then here is the kicker......(and follow if you can, this might get tricky in the wording) my friends starting reading my new friend's blogs and my new friends starting reading my friend's blogs.
I will never forget the morning that I was reading Diane's post and I saw a comment from the Reverend's Lover. (someone who found me and I in turn read her blog). I was in awe. Then a few days later I saw Dionne and Diane post on The Reverend's Lover's blog. It was this amazing web of connectivity that I was just so in awe of and I was so excited. I thought....."How cool is that we can connect with others and through others through a media that can be so impersonal."

And this isn't the only instance I see it happening. It's almost as if the blogging world has become it's own portal to a place where one can be encouraged, be challenged, be miffed, or be engaged with a person that they have never met and may ever meet. But instead of it being with only one person....it's a group of people that open up their blogs and invite you in and say....."You're a friend because you are a friend of ________"

It's freakin' cool!

so....hopefully some of that made sense....which it may not since sometimes I can't articulate well the thought I am trying to convey.

But when I think about this concept, I am so moved. Because it's not the blogs that connect us....it's the image we are created from. The Creator that connects us all....who in His wisdom, has made us people that need connection. We are all connected in some way and in this particular outlet, it reminds me that there is a much bigger world of people out there......people like me, people different from me....and we all have things in common.

Take me Away

2008-10-07T15:40:00.000-07:00

this is how I feel today........

too many hormones running through my body.....too many frustrating things coming to head all at once.

And all I want to do is go the movies and see "Happy Go Lucky"

or read my book, "Three Cups of Tea"

or take a nap

or watch a fresh episode of "The Office "for a good laugh

Life is so much better with simple distractions like these...Don't ya think?

I'm a Bad Pastor's Wife

2008-10-04T10:35:00.001-07:00

yep....I am.

I currently am at our women's annual retreat. I am so happy to take a break from responsibility and getaway with good friends for the weekend. We are retreating to Desert Hot Springs at a really beautiful location and it's perfect to provide me a serene backdrop for a much needed break.

I was excited for this year's retreat because I had nothing to do with the planning of it. Last year I coordinated the event, and while I loved doing it, i also love not having any responsibility (I am such a slacker). So this weekend I am planning on relaxing.

But during our retreat, we also have a speaker. She is speaking on spiritual disciplines and her actual material is very good. The problem is I am not very engaged.

So being the bad "pastor's wife" I am, I am sitting in my room blogging and meditating (ok...actually napping) while I should be in the conference room listening to the speaker.
Now, not only am I ditching out on the speaker this morning.....but as a small group leader I actually encouraged my group last night-that if they needed more times to themselves- that they didn't have to come to small group. I mean-, our theme is tranquil spirit and if one needs more time to "relax & meditate" I wanted to give them the opportunity to do that.

Luckily, our small group had so much fun last night that I don't think anyone will skip out. And if they do, I will be jealous :-)

So as I am sitting here and reflecting, listening to the power of the Holy Spirit sway through the trees outside on a beautiful sunny, cloudless day, I am thankful.

i am thankful that my husband is not head pastor, he is only the associate at our church. That way I can more easily fly under the radar. I am thankful that when my husband does describe me to the church behind the pulpit he calls me his crazy wife. So in essence. there aren't any high expectations of spirituality and submissive discipline from me. I can happily sit in the back with the girls and I can just be me......and hopefully my disrespectful nature of giggling in the back row won't be too distracting.

Here's a pic of where I am staying

YAY for Sissy!

2008-10-02T08:13:00.000-07:00

Ladies & Gentlemen-
I don't know how I did it- but I did.

I got my sister to finally post a comment on one of my posts!

AMAZING!

I didn't do the usual and say nice things about her or post a silly looking picture of her.

All I did was talk about my addition to Dr. Pepper.

I know she has been reading- but she has kept quiet and stalked my mind.

Welcome to the world of blogging Big Sister- yesterday was only one comment, but be careful- you may catch the addiction :-)

and P.S. mom did ruin us! lol. Oh...the golden cup-such good memories.

Hi...My Name is Baby , and I am an addict.

2008-10-01T16:29:00.000-07:00

I have always enjoyed Dr. Pepper. Ever since I was a little girl it has been my drink of choice. As I have grown, I have gone through stages of how much I would drink. When I was in high school, I drank it all the time. My metabolism was fast due to being a volleyball player. In college- I used it as my no-doze for those nights that I had to stay up late writing a paper. But as i grew into a young adult and started having kids, I recognized how horrible soda is for your body. So I took a step back. i ordered water instead of soda or my beloved Dr. Pepper. I would, however, at parties or with certain foods indulge with a DP. (One must have a DP with clam dip at Christmas). Then ,when I was pregnant with Jeremiah, i went completely off caffeine. When I was pregnant with Riley, I let myself have an occasional drink. Since then, I have either stopped drinking for long periods of time, or completely binged on my favorite drink.

I mean.....soda is SOOO bad for you, and I want to be a healthy example for my kids. ( so of course I only let them take a tiny sip of my DP when I have it)

So when I was struggling with nausea in the beginning of my pregnancy- I gave into having a DP only now and then. It really was the only thing that at times would soothe my stomach. I had been off caffeine for 2 months- and I broke down. But I felt okay about it knowing that I would be responsible with my soda sipping.

Well now it's been 5 weeks since I began my "occasional" DP drinking days and I have to say honestly- I have become obsessed. It's disturbing to hear this- because i am completely appalled at myself. I wake up, and I think about what time of day I will get to have my one can of Dr. Pepper for the day. I envision a cold can and hear the crisp sound of the can opening up and then I begin to salivate at the thought of that first drink- that fuzzy, ice cold sweetness that flows through my mouth down into my stomach.
Now it can't be any soda- it has to be a Dr. Pepper. And it can't be bottled or from a soda fountain, it has to be a COLD can of Dr. Yummy.

I was driving to work today and I was thinking about lunch time when I get to have my little sweetness, and that's when it hit me.

My baby is addicted to Dr. Pepper.

Oh goodness- what have I done??????

Tired of Feeling

2008-09-23T17:41:00.000-07:00

Growing up I always used to giggle at those moms that got all teary so easily. Then I became a teenager and I found myself slowly being able to tear up at sad things and happy things.
Now that I am an adult, I have become what I used to giggle at as a child.

I am a crier.

I cry at movies and TV whether they are happy or sad. I cry during worship. I cry reading books. I cry during sermons. I cry reading the newspaper. I cry when a friend is hurting. I cry when a friend is rejoicing. I cry when I mess up. I cry when my kids achieve something cool.

I cry at the freakin' Olympics for goodness sake.

This gift of compassion and empathy can be wonderful at times....and quite useful when serving others.

But there are times when I just don't want it. Many times it hurts too much.
Times like today when I receive a phone call at work from a friend with horrible news, I just want to be able to turn off the feel-o-meter and put it in the back of my mind.

But I can't.

Instead, I sit in my cubicle wiping my runny nose on the inside of my sweater because there isn't a tissue in sight. I sit there trying to finish a spreadsheet while trying to keep the tears falling from my eyes.

If I am made in God's image, and what I feel is just a tiny bit of what God feels, God must live on an emotional roller coaster. How can He not weep ALL the time of the tragedy and sadness on earth? How can He be full of joy when someone gives their life to Him.....and yet be full of sadness for pain and suffering.

Because if I hurt this much in pain and tragedy......how much more does God hurt?

It's something I know I will never quite understand......

So I am tired....tired of all the hurting, not just my friend's, but humanities'.

I want to turn it off and be able to not feel.

God Gives An Answer That Brings Much Joy

2008-09-17T20:59:00.000-07:00

About a month ago I posted a prayer to God about giving my friend a baby that her and her husband have been desiring for a long time. Ok, it wasn't really a prayer, it was more like pleading....but still.

I even updated with a short shout of praise that God gave them a beautiful baby boy.

I realize that not all women who can't have babies get the chance to hold such joy. Fortunately, my friend Elisa did, and I am grateful. Below is her video montage that she sent out to family and friends. In the montage there is a picture of her and her son Elias Dean with a mutual friend that could not have a baby as well......and sitting next to her was her baby girl that God gave her. I had already been crying watching the video, knowing the pain and waiting that went into those moments, but then I came across that picture and it sent me over the edge. What a beautiful picture of God's grace not just in one person's life, but two. The grace that God gave them each other to journey the road they had to take together. They may not have stayed the same path.....one was a blessing of surrogacy and the other adoption....but that doesn't matter. God brought life into both of their families.........

My prayer is now that all women that go through that journey may know the blessing that Elisa and Jenn have received.

Extravagant Grace

2008-09-17T15:33:00.000-07:00

Grace has been a theme that God has slowly been teaching me over the past few years. I have learned that there aren't levels of grace.....like a little grace, or alot of grace.....or an extravagant amount of grace......grace is all the same. Grace is just extravagant.

Grace surrounds me everywhere. It is in my marriage, it is my relationships, it is talked about in books I read and the church I go to, and even some of my favorite blogs have put their thoughts to pen on the subject.

But nothing has quite confronted me, or shall I say reminded me, with the idea of grace being nothing less than extravagant, than a book I read this summer called, "The Shack".

Over the summer, my sister told me I HAD to read this book that was the talk of the christian circles. Honestly, I was very suspicious. My sister and I are two different thinkers and while I don't have a taste for most mainstream Christian novels, I could tell she really wanted me to read it. So I did. And it changed me.

I don't want to spoil the book, I want to encourage others to read it. It's not perfect, and some may not like it, but it's a great book to discuss the ideas it brings forth into your thinking.

The idea that changed me while reading the book was the author's notion of grace. I want to say it's God's notion of grace, but I realize some may not buy into it. It's the idea that everybody....and anyone are loved and adored by God and all are extended God's love and grace.

I know, most of you are sitting there thinking, "Of course Jen, that's what the bible says, that's what we say in church, in bible studies, in cards etc.etc."

But do we believe it? Do we REALLY believe that God will say about anyone, "I am very fond of them" ? That's what "The Shack" leaves us to think about. When I sit and work out that thought in my mind, I know I haven't really believed it.

I have sat on my throne and said that the ugly of ugliest humanity don't deserve such grace, such fondness. I have been repulsed by the thought of children molesters, serial killers, and rapists, even Al Qaeda.

But after reading this book, I have come to the conclusion, that Yes, even they have God's grace and love. That God would say about them, "I am very fond of_____". Now I am not saying God is fond of their weaknesses and sin. But what I am saying is that God knows them better than I. He knows what led them to where they are in their life. He grieves their hurt and their loss just as much as he grieves mine or the loss of those men/women inflicted on their victims and their families.

And that is what has changed me. It allows me the ability to believe that

no one is a lost cause and no one deserves to "rot". It also gives me the freedom to forgive much easier than I have before and to have compassion on those I have had none for in the past.

And one other thing I loved about this book, is that is helps me to see God in different ways. I especially liked the way in which God revealed himself to the main character. I think it gives many Caucasian churches much to think about.

Somethings gonna get the shaft

2008-09-15T19:41:00.000-07:00

Hi, my name is Jen, and I am the writer of this blog.

I know, I know....it's been a week since I have written anything.

I've been tired, and too busy.

I started a new job, my kids started school, I started teaching Sunday school (what a pastorly wife thing to do), and I am realizing that this baby I am carrying is a life sucker. I say that not in a negative way, but in a way to say, that I am much more exhausted than I have ever been with my previous two pregnancies and I am realizing that I have limitations this time around.

So with all the things I am enjoying to do like ( not in order of best to least)

1. Engaging in the blogging world

2. reading

3. watching my favorite TV shows

4. seeing new movies

5. being with my fam

Plus- all my regular activities like

1. being a mom to two school kids

2. being a wife

3. being a Sunday school teacher

4. being a team mom for soccer

5. planning a baby shower

6. going to weekly Bible study

7. working

8. blah blah blah blah blah

I am wondering.......what's gonna get the shaft.

Will it be reading? blogging? The Office & FNL? Sleep?

lol- it won't be sleep

Not sure what will happen. It could be anyone of those things, could be more than one, or it could be none.

All I know is that right now I wish I was super woman, and I could do it all.

My Secret Love

2008-09-10T08:11:00.000-07:00

I love and enjoy many things- I love to read, I love to serve, I love my family, and I love good music. etc etc.

But there is one thing that I really do love and enjoy...

Good entertainment.

I love films. I say films now instead of movies because I am finding as I am getting older, I am choosier about the movies I like. For example, "Legally Blonde" is a fun & cute movie, but the film "Amelie" far surpasses it in quality. ( Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy a fun and cute movie now and again).

I also love good TV. I have found over the past few years, that TV is getting better and better. I am not a TV junkie- but when I find a good show, I latch on.

I also love reading about entertainment. My taste does not dip into the gossipy magazine category, but it can be as simple as getting my EW magazine every Friday and savoring each piece.

All this to say, I am usually pretty knowledgeable about TV shows and some movies.

So in the next few days and weeks- I will be happily posting about some of the fall premieres of favorite TV shows. You can consider it propaganda since I will be trying to win you over and get you to start watching!

First day on the job ...not so bad

2008-09-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

Thanks everyone for all your encouragement.

First day went great.

It started out realizing that my desk is the hideaway for all things that are sweet and snacky.

That means two things:

I'm gonna gain some extra lbs. and if people want said snacks, they need to come see me- I love visitors.

Plus- I was busy. I don't think this will be a job where I get bored.

YEA!

First Day Jitters

2008-09-09T08:08:00.000-07:00

So today I start a new job. I'm a little nervous. But my nervousness is not from the usual things that make one nervous.

I'm nervous because this is my first office job in 7 years. The last office job I had I hated. That's right, I used the word hated. Don't get me wrong, it was nice to have a paycheck, I was thankful to have a job to send Paul to seminary, and I made friends that I still keep in contact with today.

But the job itself.

It was nothing.

I got paid to do nothing, and I hate that. Some people don't mind the office job where they can sit leisurely, snack and read the latest in People's magazine. That's not me. I like to be busy. I like to do something and feel as though I have accomplished something. I used to get through the day by re-organizing my desk a few times, making the rounds to my team pleading with them to let me help them, then I would go back to re-organizing my desk. Oh...and every week I got one thing to do- it was my highlight. I got to make a report. yippee!

I got paid a lot of money to sit around....and I am extremely grateful for that money. but i was bored out of my mind.

So, today I am nervous. I don't want to be bored. I don't want to sit at a desk trying to figure out what Internet sight I can surf next. I want to work.

Little Moments

2008-09-07T21:02:00.000-07:00

Ever since my daughter was born I knew we had special bond. I recognized it in the way she always held my hair with her tiny fingers. Didn't matter what we were doing......if she was breast-feeding, if she was sleeping in my arms, if I was just holding her on my lap as she sat, those tiny little fingers would grasp a few strands of my hair and cling gently as if to say, "I'm never letting go"

At five she still hasn't let go. I'm the one that she has to cuddle with at night before she falls asleep. I'm the one she comes to in the morning to get her snuggles. I'm the one she insists on riding with, sitting with, being with, cuddling with.

Sometimes I forget how special it is because it's always a constant. Sometimes I forget because I feel claustrophobic and just need a little time to myself. Sometimes I forget because she is being 5 and I want to wring her neck. But, sometimes.......she manages to remind me again how special our relationship is.

I was taking a shower yesterday morning. I love my showers....I mean I LOVE them. As a mom, you don't get peace and quiet like you do in the shower, and the water massage on your back- heaven.

But in the middle of my shower yesterday, a little hand opened the door and I turned to see the lovely face of my little girl.

"Mommy, I just want to spend time with you, Can I come in?"

And that's all it takes, my heart melted and in she came.

Putting Others' Interests Ahead of Our Own

2008-09-06T13:31:00.001-07:00

That may not be the exact quote that McCain gave in his speech on Thursday but it is the essence of what he said. Just as Obama has, these candidates have recognized that the way we live as Americans, the "me first" philosophy, isn't working and something needs to be changed.

Before McCain's speech I had been pretty frustrated with him for many different reasons, but after listening to him on my comfy couch I began to regain some of the respect that I had had for him 8 years ago. This doesn't mean I agree with some of his plan......but for me, I walked away thinking....he does care, he has integrity, and he does desire what he thinks is the right thing for the American people.

That was big for me. I was extremely disappointed in all the speeches that turned mean spirited -even Obama's comment that McCain doesn't get it. (that was the first time I heard him say something about the opponent I thought was inappropriate). I was frustrated with the end of Palin's speech (who even though I didn't want to...I do like) where jabs were thrown. I want the candidate to be better and rise above that and I think McCain did a really good job of doing that.

I also appreciated the fact that he wagged his finger at all parties...and tried to distance himself from the current administration. He reached past the party line and talked in terms of everyone needing to do their part together. He was like a parent telling both parties they need a time out while still trying to unify them. This is my favorite line of the night-

"Let me offer an advance warning to the old, big-spending, do-nothing, me-first, country-second Washington crowd: Change is coming"

A few weeks ago I said I didn't get it when people thought McCain could do a better job than Obama- and for now I re-tract that claim. I do get it. I do understand.

Do I agree?

you all know the answer to that

But I have to say that it's refreshing to be able to go to a voter's booth and not think I am voting for the lesser of two evils. I think we have two fine candidates......and it will be interesting to see what happens and to know this will be nothing short of a fascinating election.

Decisions...HMMMM.

2008-09-05T10:40:00.000-07:00

So i was excited to blog a post about McCain's Speech last. I had really positive things to say about it. But I received an email this morning that made me really mad- which in essence means it was very hurtful. It was an email questioning my faith based on who I am voting for. It was an email that in essence said I couldn't possibly be a follower of Christ because who I am voting for.

I am not gonna get into it cuz I will continue to cry......but let me just say this, I have never nor will I ever judge one person's personal faith and relationship with their Savior based on politics and who they vote for. It's down right judgmental which is unChristian.

I told my husband this morning that my heart is heavy that Christians do this. I know it is possible to have open discussions and dialogue between people that are positive and respectful even if they think differently. I have been excited to listen to other's and learn about their stances about what's going on with our country. It's the first time in my life I have wanted to care about politics. I have taken great care in educating myself so I am not relying on propaganda from any side. I know politics are a sensitive issue, but why does respect have to fly out the window when the topic comes up? There are ways to discuss things in light of differences and it is not by being condescending to others. I desire to learn.....and to listen....to be responsible with my decision making. I want to know why people think the way they do and what causes them to think one way and not the other.

How sad it is, that even the people that should be able to be respectful.....can't seem to. I was deeply saddened today by the email I received, but I wasn't sitting here thinking," Oh Boo Who me, someone doesn't like what I think" I was grieved because I am not only believer that is being judged based on their cast ballot. There are many others that the "conservative christian right" judges and condemns and I think this grieves Jesus as well. If you don't like my political stance.....that's fine (btw, i'm independant), but leave me and my Savior out of it.

So I really wanted to blog about McCain, and I was completely distracted. Most of you know me....and I have to say what's on my mind and heart. I shouldn't even be blogging about this anyway.....but since I was challenged a few weeks ago to be someone that could do good through my blog, I couldn't be quiet. I have realized recently that there are strangers that read my blog (what an honor) and I hope they will not judge me quickly.

The reason I write this post is for this simple reason....... I pray that as people who believe in the saving grace of Jesus we will all be respectful enough to understand that our salvation does not rest in being republican or democrat and it does not rest in who we vote for....it rests on the cross.

First Day With Only A Few Tears...Sniff Sniff

2008-09-03T09:48:00.000-07:00

They they are.....dressed to the nines in their school uniform ready to take on the world. Ok, maybe not the world.....but at least their classroom and playground.

Our morning went surprisingly well, a great breakfast, fun getting ready, reading books together...at least the kids read together, and good friends to walk to school with.

I have nothing profound to say......I am just full of pride and joy due to watching my children take their steps into a world of learning.

Riley was brave and almost never looked back. And Jeremiah became his reserved self for the unexpected.

I can't wait to hear how their day went....if they liked their teacher, if they made a new friend, who did they play with on the playground and who did they sit by. I have 5 hours til they come home.......and I am counting the minutes.

Feeling a Little displaced

2008-09-02T19:08:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of summer......and as I read some of my friend's blogs that talk about getting ready for the new school year, I find myself feeling worried. It's a weird feeling. As I look around...we don't have piles of new supplies to put together or get ready. There's no scent of glue or new pencils on my table.....just backpacks and a uniform to put out. I feel powerless. We are new so we don't get " the List".

We are at a new school this year. Jeremiah is entering 2nd grade and Riley is going into kindergarten. As I was taking a shower this morning I was thinking about tomorrow morning and how I can't believe my little girl is entering school. My little baby is growing up, and even though I'll have one more, it's hard to imagine anyone else being my baby since our newest addition is still in utero. I reminded myself to bring kleenex with me because I know I will cry......my sweet Riley, mama's little girl, the one who doesn't like to go any where without her mommy. :)

But my mind turned my beautiful little boy and I found myself suddenly sobbing in the shower. He is the one who has brought me to tears today...he is the one where all my fears lie.

This is a brand new school for him. I know all parents worry about their children making new friends, but my worry is different. He is different. He is a joy....but he is different, and now he is at that age where kids notice. He talks a little too loud, he has a hard time with personal space, and he is a constant mover and noise maker. I cried as all my fears of him not making a friend poured down my body and into the drain. Every parent wants their child to have that one friend.....that one friend that loves you regardless. It took Miah over a year to make that kind of friend at his old school, even in the midst of knowing a lot of kids. That's a long time. And he's nervous......I'm nervous. I am thankful that he knows two kids, but I know I can't make them his savior. He's a great kid ......and I hope their is another little second grader boy who will show him kindness. God has been gracious to him....He has been gracious to me. I am sure of his provision for Jeremiah.....but it still doesn't wipe away all my worry.

So...I continue to pour my heart out to God, pleading once again for his goodness and his faithfulness....feeling a little displaced and a little worried.

Waiting

2008-09-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

"Yet the Lord Longs to be Gracious to you: He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of Justice, Blessed are all who wait on him" Isaiah 30:18

I know I am taking this piece of scripture out of context, but alone it exemplifies how God desires wonderful things for us, we sometimes just have to wait.

There are many example of waiting in scripture.......The Israelites had to wait 40 years to reach the promised land, Sarai had to wait many years before birthing a child, Jacob waited 7 years for a wife and then 7 more for his "favorite" wife, and God's people waited for His coming.

There are still many kinds of waiting today.

Waiting to be pregnant,
waiting 9 months for a baby to be born,
waiting for your last child to enter school,
waiting for your loved one to come home from war,
waiting for a leader to stand up and lead against injustice,
waiting to hear tests results........

the list goes on and on.....

Waiting is hard. Sometimes we don't even think we are waiting, but we actually are just grieving what God has not shown us or done for us yet.

it's hard....really hard.

But when you get to see what you or a loved one is waiting for....it's a moment that is beyond describable. Your heart bursts with an enormous amount of joy, pride, and thankfulness all at once. I was blessed enough this weekend to not only see what God has done in one friend's life but 4.

Today I got to visit my Friends' Carl & Elisa new baby that they have waited for for more than 4 years. It's been a long painful wait, and yet when I see them holding their new son, I can't help but rejoice and sing praises to God for being so gracious to them.

I also experienced the joy of watching two friends commit their lives together as husband and wife. They started dating in high school and have been together 7 years. It has been a privilege watching them navigate their way through high school, and college all the while remaining true to each other, true to themselves, and true to their God. They have "Waited" and it was such a beautiful moment knowing that their wedding night would be all that God has promised and intended....plus a lot of laughs.

God has been gracious....and I have spent moments this weekend in awe of being able to participate in what God does for those who wait. What an honor........Baby Elias Dean Fraytet giving a little yawn. He's such a cutie! Momma Elisa wears the glasses cuz Elias likes to look at them.
Paul and I with Dale & Tyler Kriebel......isn't she gorgeous!!! :)

" I am my Brother's and Sister's Keeper"

2008-08-29T17:40:00.000-07:00

That statement was echoed not once, but several times in Obama's speech at the Democratic Convention. It's exactly the kind of philosophy America NEEDS to embrace, but will it? We have been a people that has stomped on others, and has made many millions off the philosophy of "every man for himself". Almost everything we do in America is clouded in the "survival of the fittest" way of life.

Now let me start off by saying that I have never EVER been interested in politics. NEVER. I have never been able to grasp the idealism of people before me who idolized "great leaders" like Roosevelt or Kennedy. I couldn't understand how people were so captivated by them, how they felt compelled by them to be interested in politics. I was dumbfounded by reading and watching a history that really mourned these men. My mind has always defined politics with greedy old men who don't care about you.

I don't know if it's because I am older or if I am more aware......even though I don't think it has anything to do with it, but I have never been captivated by someone in politics like Barack Obama. I am not a Democrat.....and even though I grew up Republican......I am not. I like to choose my candidate based on their integrity and who I believe can lead our country to a better place.

This week I actually payed attention to the DNC for the first time in my life. (I will actually pay attention to the Republican Convention as well). There were a lot of amazing speeches....Hilary, Joe, Clinton- if you haven't heard them I highly suggest you Google them and listen). But Barack's speech actually moved me. It wasn't his most eloquent speech....and there were times I was wanting him to not be so harsh on McCain, but his vision.....his passion and his plan is what I believe American really needs. Will he be able to fulfill all his promises? Who knows. Maybe not...some of them are a pretty tall order. But the fact that he is reaching high for the better of the American people inspires me. It actually makes me proud to live in this country at a time when I just recently wrote a friend that I was embarrassed by American policies.

I have to be honest and say that Barack Obama is the best man for the job.....and I respectfully don't understand people who think otherwise. Really I don't. I know I should, but I don't. I don't think Barack is perfect and that he will save America. Only we, the people of America can do that......and he is the one who can inspire us to bring about change. He is already inspired me to care.

I have friends who are Republicans....and are voting McCain because they are "Republican" and that's that. I have friends that think abortion should be abolished so because of that issue, they won't vote for Obama...and I really just don't get that way of thinking.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion.......but this is mine. I'm sure people think I am foolish for voting for Obama....and to them I say, respectfully......you are wrong. :)

So....I am sure there might be a tirade of comments after my little Soapbox of a thought here, and all I ask is that you be respectful......otherwise, like I have before, I will delete you :)

A Proud Friend

2008-08-28T09:02:00.000-07:00

Today I went to work way to early in the morning as I always do. It's getting harder and harder to wake up at 430am to be at work by 5, but there are a few things that make it worth while. The first being that I am usually off by 9am or 10am which affords me the luxury of the whole day with my kids. The second is that I only do it on average two days a week. And the best thing that makes it worth while is the friends that I have made there. I have to be honest, I don't go to work anymore because I love the work itself or the discount it brings my family...... but I go for my friends. I love to see them and catch up on what their week has been like. They are all very different from me and I love them dearly.

Today at work, my friend told me that he finally paid off all his debt. He has been over his head and in debt for as long as we both have worked there. He is the guy that spoils his friend with treats and gifts just because. He is one of the most generous people I know. He is also technically my boss, but he never makes me feel inferior. He's really good at his job and managing our little morning crew (even if he is grumpy sometimes). But today, I couldn't have been more proud of him. It's a hard thing to give up things you enjoy so you can pay off your debt. Actually let's be honest, it's hard to pay off debt!! But he did it! He is debt free........ and I am so proud.

So congratulations my friend! You did it. Now let's go out and have a party :)

Baby 's First pic

2008-08-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

So here it is....for all to see, especially me, that this isn't a joke, I actually am pregnant. Even as I sat there watching them do the ultra sound I was halfway in denial that the baby moving on the monitor was in my tummy. I guess this really is happening.

Kinda makes me laugh.

I have made no secret that the first trimester has been a tough one, and even though I am in week 13, baby nausea still hasn't left me completely. I think it's because of the nausea that I get so mad. People laugh when I share that, but when you feel like you want to vomit all night, there aren't exactly good thoughts running through your mind. I get mad that Paul and I didn't make "his appt." sooner. I get mad that we had really great sex that led to this blessed situation. I just get mad.

Then I awake in the morning feeling well and different feelings fall over me. The thought of bike rides with a family of 5, or the picture of Jeremiah and Riley taking care of a little sibling just bring me joy.

I have to be honest and say the baby stage just doesn't excite me. But the thought of another child to love and care for is enough to make up for it. Friends all around me can't contain the sheer delight when they know I am pregnant. The most common reaction is "I am so SO excited for you!" But I can see it in their eyes, the feeling of "I'm glad it's her and not me". That makes me laugh too, but it makes me feel loved. I have this amazing community that will love this baby like no other, maybe not in the middle of the night or when it throws a screaming fit, but it will love the baby and love me through the process.

Maybe some of you reading this can't relate to my feelings. You maybe even a little offended that I am not jumping over myself that I have God's little creation in me. To you I do have to say, I am sorry if I have offended you. I know it's a gift and there are numbers of women who would jump at the chance to be in my situation. But I have to be honest and genuine with my heart and while I may not have been thrilled at first (that's an over statement if you read my earlier post) I am content and happy with what God has given me.......

BIGGER BOOBS!

just kidding , I AM excited about this new life growing in me. I am excited for what it means for my family and I feel honored that God has blessed me with probably something I didn't know I needed, but did.

So for all of you who will ask, because its been asked many times already, I don't know if I will find out the sex of the baby. I like to plan but it was fun having it be a surprise too. But when we know....you'll know, so until then.......no more baby talk :)

nothing

2008-08-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

Lots on my mind....but I am too hot, too tired and too cranky to write and type.

Maybe tomorrow.

Best line ever

2008-08-23T14:09:00.000-07:00

Today, my kids got into a little fight and my daughter ended up screaming at the top of her lungs, "I'm sorry"

real repentance.

After a long talk with my daughter, the day went on.

Just a few minutes ago I heard a scream and a cry from my son, "Riley, why would you hurt me like that?"

I ran to see what the problem was. They were playing a made up game and out of no where, Riley pushed Miah quite forcefully in the side. Riley was sent to her room while I consoled Miah. After I was done, I heard Riley crying and talking to herself in the bedroom. I asked her what happened and here is her reply in tears,

"Mommy I accidentally listened to my brain. I didn't want to hurt him."

Not Mamma's Cookin'

2008-08-22T17:27:00.001-07:00

So I am at week 13 tomorrow and this little peanut I'm carrying is hurting my feelings. It wants nothing to do with my cooking. Over the past 6-8 weeks there has been only two meals that I make that my hormone ravaged body could muster enough strength to eat. That's spaghetti and a peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.Yep......this baby loves those carbs and has made me pay for it when I have tried to eat fruit.

Veggies? fuhgit about it.

I started to feel guilty due to the lack of unhealthy eating. But then I reminded myself that I just need to get through this extremely dark period of pregnancy. Besides I am taking prenatals ....that's all the nutrients it needs right? :)

So for any of you that care here is the diet my baby has forced me to adhere to :

Del Taco Bean Burritos

In- n- Out.- this baby loves meat and any bbq quality burger will do.

Islands BBQ Chicken Salad

Rubios Shrimp Burrito Especial.

Dr. Pepper- yep after 5 weeks of being DP free, I caved. It was the only liquid that would literally settle my tummy. seriously- not making that up.

Bagel with cream cheese or Cheerios for breakfast

Salt, Salt and more Salt.

Yep- sounds super healthy right? If I ate anything else it's because someone else made it for me and the baby would concede out of gratefulness. But if I even thought of trying to make something....I could feel my mouth begin to salivate, not water, but the salivating that begins before vomiting occurs.

So here's to a better second trimester and some healthy eating, or I may gain over 100 lbs. before this baby is born.

The Label

2008-08-20T10:52:00.000-07:00

A few days ago at work a co-worker out of the blue asked out loud for everyone to hear.

"Jen, you're a Christian right?"

I shuddered.

Not because I am ashamed of my faith, or that I am ashamed of loving Jesus but because of the label that "christian " can mean in America, or at least Southern California.

Lately this label means to me a conservative man who will judge you at any given moment.

It means seeing only black & white, and not the complicated shades of grey.

It means being a consumer of Christian marketing that really has nothing to do with being a follower of Christ.

It means having bad taste in music.

I wish it identified more with a people group that loves with compassion instead of judgement and isn't so stuck in a box.

I answered my co-worker with a "why do you ask? " before I committed to labeling myself.

Most of my co-workers know who I love and who I follow, but it's not because I ever claimed myself to be a Christian or answered the religious question of "are you..?". I think it's because as I live out my life they are curious why I make certain decisions or say things that I do that have led to great conversations about who God is.

I wish now there was a different label. I don't want to be boxed into the label of 'Christian" , "Presbyterian" "moderate" or anything else. I just want to be known as someone who loves Jesus and does her best to communicate the amazing and abundant love God has for all His people.

Two things to watch

2008-08-17T16:16:00.000-07:00

Last night we came home and watched the interviews between Rick Warren, Obama & McCain.
It was on a public access channel and we managed to DVR it. If you hadn't heard, Rick invited the two presidential candidates to Saddleback Church for an interview style forum. I think Rick did a really great job mediating, but I think Obama did an even better job answering questions. I am biased, but I appreciated his thoughtful answers and the look into what seemed to be an intimate conversation between him and Rick. I learned more about his faith and came away now more than ever convinced that Obama is a man that when no one is watching tries to walk humbly with God. That's the kind of man I want making decisions for our country.

McCain on the other hand answered the same questions like he was campaigning and kept addressing the audience. He knew he was among friends (republican evangelicals) and made short answers that would rally the crowd. I liked McCain before this forum (even though I wasn't gonna vote for him), but after watching him I was saddened. All I saw was a grey haired old guy who would be more of the same bush administration.

So that's my take, we have it on our dvr, so if you want to watch it (even if you are a McCain enthusiast), come on over. I think it's worth it to see these interviews.

We also watched the foreign film "The Lives of Others". It won an academy award and I can see why. It was a beautifully written, acted and depicted film in every way. Paul wrote a blog about it, so I won't repeat anything he has already said. You can click on his link and decide for yourself. So put it in your Netflix queue and you won't be sorry.

Happy Anniversary

2008-08-16T09:03:00.000-07:00

Today is our anniversary. 11 years of marriage and we are still going strong. It's hard to believe its been that many years since we said "I do", but it has and I am looking forward to years to come as well.

I appreciate and love my husband for many many reasons. Lately, he has been the anchor in my night. Coming home after a long day, he cooks, he plays with the kids, puts them to bed and cleans up. He has done all this without one complaint (at least to me). He has even had to go to bed without hugs and kisses cuz I just can't muster up enough strength for physical touch.

These aren't the only reasons why I am thankful he chose me to be his partner. I have a long 13 year list of all the great things he is and has done for me. But it's a taste of the man that has a faith that reflects in the way he loves his wife.

But just in case you want more proof.....here's 11 reasons for 11 years.

1. He always says sorry first because he knows I am too stubborn to do it, even if it is my fault.

2. He prays for me and stretches me in my faith without ever making me feel I need to do more or be more

3. He puts up with my weaknesses with humor, making me laugh instead of cry.

4. He has this amazing heart of compassion and faith that surprises me daily.

5. He wrestles with our children, reads them stories, makes up tree stump stories, takes them to the library and on fun bike rides.

6. His flatulence is historic.

7. He always surprises me....like the time he sent me to Knoxville to see a friend for my 30th or the time he arranged a lunch rendezvous with my friend stopping in from Nepal.

8. He doesn't complain about my lack of culinary skills- he just enjoys what I make.

9. He is just funny :)

10. His snuggles in the winter and his "don't touch me it's hot" in the summer.

11. because this morning he woke me up and said, "11 years ago I said I do, and I still do " :)

Happy Anniversary sweetie- I love you lots and lots.

Choices

2008-08-15T07:47:00.001-07:00

That's pretty much the theme for our VBS this week. Well, actually the theme is Son World Adventure Park.....but the lesson is about choices. Everyday they learn new choices.

They can Choose to:

believe

act

forgive

obey

Jesus

Wouldn't it be nice if life were really that simple? I guess it really can be. When in our decision making if we were to think about these 5 things i wonder if we would have a revolution on our hands. The only choice I see lacking is the choice to give. But I guess when choosing the choice Jesus, He encompasses all those things together and more.

I have to admit, I don't always make the right choice. There are times when I am even convinced I am making the right choice, and I really don't. I mean, I have a HUGE list of those. But I am thankful for the choice to forgive, because I need to not only forgive others, but my myself as well. I am my own worst critic and I am always beating myself up for "that"thing I said or did.

So..back to choices (I'm really tired!). I am amazed at how well these kids grasp the simplicity. In the beginning of summer I was questioning the real usefulness of VBS. For our community , it is used more as a cheap day camp and I was wondering, how many kids do we really touch.

But through this week I have re-learned that I need to choose to believe- believe that God works in all things, in all circumstances and in all attitudes....even in something as simple as VBS.

The kids have shown me that......and seeing their faces light up every day, I can see that they really are trying to choose Jesus.