The Loves of My Life

The Loves of My Life

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Ignore or Befriend?

Today for the first time in what seems like forever, I had time to screw around on the computer.

Actually, I just lied.

I didn't. But I was in essence, I had time.
Anyway, I went over to my Facebook page and decided to take a gander at the Friends Suggestions Page. I NEVER do this. I am not one to go out "looking" for friends. I did in the beginning because I started doing Facebook before it blew up in social circles and not very many of my friends were on it yet. But then they saw the light and now they are all hooked.

Except one friend. She refuses. Yes, Valentine....I'm talking about you. (ha! She doesn't even read my blog! So she'll never see this. Bambushka GET ON FACEBOOK!)

Sorry....lost focus. (see what happens when you stop blogging).So I took a gander at my friends suggestions page and in the sea of faces I saw......

my Husbands congregation.

I Love them. I do....I love them all. But I started wondering.....should people in your church be Facebook friends?

Some...absolutely! But I'm not talking about the people you see and talk to every week at church or at church activities. I'm talking more about the people you know....but you don't know. The people that the pastor knows and you might know their names, but you know nothing about them.
Is there even a line? Should there be a line?
I don't know.

That is why I bring it to the blogging world. What do you all think?

But here's my last thought. I was thinking...if they wanted to be friends with me they would request me right?


But they haven't.

So problem solved.

No feelings hurt.


Mrs. Burgess said...

Ha, ha! Dave and I just talked about this the other day because he's friends with some people from our congregation and...I'm not. They've just never requested me for whatever reason. Whateva...

I go back and forth on this issue of "should there be a line." As a teacher I don't accept any student requests. For SO many reasons I don't think it's appropriate, but lots of teachers do it. Pastors, on the other hand, their lives are so...transparent. For better or worse. It's kind of what Dave signed up for. How do you avoid it? In a lot of ways, he has been able to use facebook as another tool for ministry. However, there are times when you have to be guarded.

Case in point, we are in the middle of a call process (I can say that on your blog because no on in AL will read this- please don't mention it in any public forums), and I told Dave that he better set all of his facebook settings to private. And so did I. Not that we have anything to hide. But people can make assumptions based on limited information. Also, you don't have control over what other people post on your profile.

Oh, and this church that we're interviewing with DID look for our facebooks, watched all of our youtube videos AND asked for our credit score at the end of the weekend. Like I said, we kind of live a transparent life in the ministry, ya know?

Anonymous said...

I draw the line by using the Limited Profile feature in Facebook. If there's someone I kinda know but don't know real well who wants to add me as a friend in Facebook, I add them to the Limited Profile group. I've specified in the privacy settings (Account > Privacy Settings > Profile Information) what people in the Limited Profile group can't see about me, such as the About Me, Likes and Interests, and Education and Work. This way they can still my wall posts and we can communicate with each other, but I'm controlling how much personal information they can learn about me.

It's not perfect, but it helps.

Anonymous said...

Well keep up the good work. I like to browse and read people's thoughts. A lot of people just say what they did, accomplished or what that want to do or accomplish and give updates on their progress. Well to each his/her own. See you around!

Converse All Star pas cher said...

But people can make assumptions based on limited information. Also, you don't have control over what other people post on your profile.

Anonymous said...

I'm not 'the Valentine' but 'a' valentine. Totally against and afraid of facebook -- no facebook account for me; therefore, I lose out on lots of freebies (I LOVE freebies) and lots of in-touch-with-long-a-go-friends. Yet I can see value in using this a tool for ministry.

I do not know you or your husband. I am a christian doing my very best to serve Christ thru his grace.

People are humans: imperfect with failings. People don't realize how self-centered/self-serving we are in our actions. God KNEW this; we are his creation. It is his GRACE that makes us able and different!

Draw the line; be selected; those who have much, much is required... We are His in this world! we will still make mistakes; but we must be able to face our Lord with our actions.

Hope this makes some sense to you; I'm in a current 'conflict' of my own.
Serving Christ

Arathi said...

One comment of yours particularly interested me and it was about your friend who is not on Facebook. Neither am I. The problem with Facebook is exactly that it creates unnecessary problems like the one you bring up. Do I let this person follow me or not? This is my view - if a friend is worth keeping in touch, then he/she will find other ways to keep in contact with me. If he/she has to resort to Facebook, then he/she isn't probably a life long friend. I do see some great features in Facebook but I see more problems with it. I feel very awkward having to post anything about myself that anyone can see. Most of the time, I find different things about me that different people know. What really bugs me though is that sometimes peoples' posts come up on Google. And not exactly things that say a potential employer would like to see. To avoid all the confusion and overall avoid any awkwardness between friends, I take your friend Valentine's stance and say no to Facebook. Your post was very interesting to read however!

sammi.sweet said...

Haha! I love your blog!

But, as for the friending people you know, but aren't really friends with, I would just friend them anyways. If they don't want you to see their page, then they wont accept the request and thats fine. But if they do accept, facebook is a good way to get to know people you don't really know very well.

However, if your uncomfortable with acquaintances seeing everything on facebook then its okay not to friend them. I used to keep my facebook friends very limited, but now I've tried to open up more. Good luck! :)

Beyat Arym said...

I think its very wise for you to add facebook friends only among those you are very close, close, we-know-each-other to.

Facebook isnt a good base for human relations. If you or the person do have interest to know each other despite have been attending the same activities once in a while,

then just politely say hi when you happen to bumped :)

p/s: love ur blog and send my happy regards to ur lovely family

Anonymous said...

I guess I am lucky I do not have Facebook.