An Apology

So...in my last post I made a comment that I make no apologies.....

but today I do.

While my "crazy pregnant" post was one that was said in sarcastic humor and meant to be funny.....it's been brought to my attention that it can be read with insensitivity and can be hurtful to those who do have large families.

So I apologize. I meant no harm and in no way was i trying to be demeaning in what I wrote.

I was just trying to make funny of a situation many can relate to....and I realize that in re-reading my post that it can be taken in a mean way.  So I am really sorry if I offended anyone.

However.....with  that being said....I was referring exclusively to  the Duggar Family with 18 kids. (even though in my post I didn't really make that clear)

Do I still think they are crazy?

Yes.

But that's because we all have crazy in us.

My crazy just won't manifest itself in being pregnant 18 times. It will probably be something even crazier.

They MUST be on Crack

So I might...

No, actually, I will get lambasted for this post.

But seriously.....women who are pregnant over 8 times (give or take a few) have to be on crack.

This is my third pregnancy...and honestly, I am OH SO over it.

Who in their right mind would WANT to be pregnant that many times?? They say it's cause they want a big family. My response....

"Then Adopt!"

They say it's because they LOVE being pregnant and it's so wonderful. My response....

'You are Lying!!"

I just heard of that show where the family just had their 18th baby...and they have been quoted saying they want more. My response.....

"ARE YOU FREAKING NUTS?????? 

Unless  you look like this....

Then there is no way a woman in her right mind would want to be pregnant that many times.

I make no apologies here..... there is no comment on this post that will make me think otherwise.

There...I said it.....

even if it's tongue in cheek...I said it. There are many other responsible reasons for my opinion.....but I won't get all serious on ya.....I'll just leave it with this very judgmental comment.....

Those women are CRAZY!

:-)

Dear Obama......Here's An Idea...

Today in the Associated Press it announced that Obama has already raised $27 Million for Inaugural Festivities and that they will have no problem reaching $40.

Cough. Cough.

$27 Million?

Seriously?

I think I am having a hard time with this one.

Yes, I get that it's the President's inauguration.

Yes, I understand that THIS particular inaugural will be historic.

I get it! I get it!

But can't it be something more like $1million?

I mean, the most lavish of weddings cost around $300,00- $500,00 right? Can we add in another $500,000 just for security (maybe more...I have no idea what security costs) and call it a day?

I realize that presidents in the past have spent this amount of money....but I guess I am having a harder time with this one simply because of a phrase Obama used during his campaign,

"I am my brother's Keeper"

I believed in this phrase and I believe that he means it.

So how does one go about being okay with spending $27 million on just a party when our country is struggling through tough economic times?

How does one be okay spending this amount of money when there are people on the other side of the world who don't have clean water?

Why do people give so much money for a party...when it can go to better our country.......and our world?

My questions can go on and on.

I say, let's make our country a better place....THEN let's throw a party.

I know it's not that simple.....but I think Obama's inaugural festivities would have so much more of an impact....and would be even more so historic......if he planned a simple party.

A party with out all the fluff.....and instead did something with the millions and millions of monetary donations to help along "his brother".

A Boat

The other night while driving home my kids started asking me questions about how i will deliver their little baby brother. I have explained before a few times the two ways a babies is born, naturally and by c-section. 

So when asked again how baby brother would come out, I said  hopefully naturally.

To this my 5 year old daughter replied, 

"Will he come out in a boat or will he just swim out?

Things I Love- #1

I love to read people's blogs. It's so much fun. And I have to admit it that I love when they come up with something creative that tells me a little bit about the writer. One of my most recent finds is a blog of a friend of a friend and i find her very funny, artsy and well....funny. On her blog she has what's called "I think it's perfectly normal". In these random posts she tells us a little something about herself in a very fun way. I think I laugh every time I read one of the "perfectly normal" posts. It's bring a bit of sunshine into my day.

So instead of making a resolution for the new year that would probably be broken by the end of week one....I thought, why not do something like "it's perfectly normal" ?

So my list, for now until I can come up with something better (if you have ideas....comment my way), is called, "Things I love".

These random posts will be things that I absolutely love, that are probably completely unnecessary to living life, but things I wouldn't want to live without. These are things that could vie for the top spot on the "if you could take one thing with you....what would it be?" List.

So here goes........

My UGGS

I absolutely love my Uggs.  Their soft cushy insides bring joy to my toesies in a way that no other slipper does. They don't slip off and sound like you are shuffling down the hospital hallway. They are also double agents of their  kind. They act like slippers, but once put on and walked into the real world they pass as regular shoes. 

What other shoe does that?

So I ask......Who doesn't want their feet to be surrounded by such sheer coziness that can be used as an accessory to PJ's AND cute Jeans?

Baby Update #2- Wondering

The count down has begun....at least for me. 9 More weeks to go and less if I go into labor early....which of course I am hoping for.

Many of you have been so sweet and have asked how I am doing.....it's a complicated answer....and knowing me, I'm not one just to put a nice blanket over things, I'll give you the truth.

During advent, our church talked about "wondering".  How Mary must have been wondering about all that God was leading her to do....and how we can wonder as well. One of our pastors mentioned how wondering is more of an open ended thought then coming to a conclusion. I liked that, and I think that's where I am. I am left still wondering. 

Thankfully, my hormones leveled out and I somehow crawled out of my crying days...a little later than usual, but at least I did. Talking to a few people sure helped......(thank you to all who were praying for me and  to my listeners...who just listened and didn't give me answers or little things to make me feel better...I appreciate you cussing along with me). Emotional stress led straight into physical discomfort.....the third baby isn't so nice on an older body. I waddle at times, and sigh a lot more than usual.

I even started to think about what I need, and the "stuff" (ALLLLLLL the stuff) that we will need to get for this little guy coming our way. That's a huge obstacle for me. Even more so.....I have gotten excited about how to paint and decorate the baby's room.

But last night, as I lay in bed barely able to move due to a pulled muscle that somehow my preggo body did in it's sleep......I continued to wonder. I wondered why is it that I am more excited about a room than a baby. I wondered to God...why? Why do you want me to have another baby?

Now I am just being honest here and while I know all the answers about how when this baby is born I won't be able to imagine our lives without him....I still have questions and doubts.....just like I am sure Mary did.

Mainly I wonder, why me?

I have friends who their dream was always to be a mommy......everything about it. And they make the most amazing moms..... and wish I could be just  a tiny bit like them. They seem to love it.....all the time....24/7. And I can prove it........they take more pictures, do more crafts, spend all their time doing fun things with their  kids. They talk about their kids more, they write about their kids more....it seems they just do more. They love their babies.

Now, don't freak out. I love my kids.....and I have always wanted kids......but being a super mommy doesn't come naturally to me like it does to others. I actually look forward to putting my kids to bed.....or having a day to myself. There are even times when I am playing with them and I am thinking....okay...15 more minutes....then we'll move on to something else. There are times when I want nothing else than to be with my kids......and then there are times I want nothing else than to be somewhere else.  I was never the mom who cried when I left my kids....I missed them.....but I never second guessed leaving them with their grammy or auntie.

So I guess I compare myself...and I shouldn't.....but we all do, don't we? 

So I wonder...why me God? Why "bless" us with another baby when our kids are finally to the point where I enjoy them so much more. Why me when there are so many other mommies who are better mommies?

Why?

Why?

Why?

So, even though I am finally able to be more excited about an addition to our family....and I am thankful for the blessing and honor it is to be a mommy.....I still sometimes lay in bed and wonder. I wonder about all things....and I wonder about the why's.......

and on a positive note.....I even wonder what this little guy will be like, who he will look like....and what he will grow to be.

The Contest

No, this isn't a reference to the infamous Sienfeld episode (although maybe if we had tried to abstain I wouldn't be pregnant. lol joke people, it's a joke), but rather something fun to participate in.

Paul and I found out we having a little boy- Cue- "Hooray!". We are excited and the kids are thrilled...although we are happy with any healthy baby, boy or girl.
So the cat is out of the bag as to the gender.....but we have decided to keep mum on the name we have chosen....well, almost chosen. I am still on the fence....and I can easily be swayed.


So here's the contest.Who can guess the name we picked? I will give you two clues........

1. The first name is just a name we like...no special meaning. (and if you know us and have listened to paul in the past...you will have a head start on this one)

2. The middle name is a literary reference....one specifically close to Paul's heart.

Here's the prize.....if you guess the name....I will tell you. If you recommend a name I like and end up changing the name to yours...you get bragging rights of naming the baby.

So go ahead...make your predictions......especially you silent stalkers (yes, I am talking to you) it can be even more fun if I don't know the name of the person it's coming from :-)

How Oprah Changed Me

Now Don't laugh....the title is a bit misleading.....but not really.  Oprah made a huge impact in my life when I was young. I hate to admit it these days with people putting her on the level as a god.....but somehow, many years ago  through a little TV screen she help send me on a journey that helped me get to where I am now.

So where am I?

I am in a loving, faithful and trustful relationship with an amazing man who is so humble it continues to surprise. I am in a house. I have never lived in a house before. I have two children with a little surprise on the way who will grow up with two parents. I have wonderful family and friends.....people who love me despite all my short comings.

and I have a new relationship.....one with  a dad I never knew.

My parents divorced even before I was conceived. I find that fact pretty funny.....but I was. The first few years of my life were tumultuous with my dad in the picture. I'll spare you the details....but let's just say this one little girl had an enormous amount of hate in her heart. I barely knew him and barely saw him and when i was around 3 or so......he was gone. Gone to be with his other wife and children. This obviously left me with lots of feelings of abandonment, anger, pain and resentment growing up. The days of jr. high and high school were hard enough going through puberty and trying to navigate relationships let alone trying to deal with all my anger and abandonment issues.

But there I was....sitting on my couch one day watching Oprah. You remember those good ole Oprah episodes, where her hair was a poof ball and she got real emotional with her guests?.....Yep, it was one of those and I think the guest was an adult who had been abused by a parent when they were young. They were talking about how that said adult was able to move on and not hold onto her anger and bitterness. Then Oprah said the most profound thing, which was profound to me cuz I had never heard it before. I am paraphrasing here but she said something like this, "We are responsible for our own anger and bitterness". The idea being of what we do with that anger and hurt is our fault...not the person who inflicted it. That was huge for me. I didn't want to hold onto all my crap and grow into someone who was bitter and angry. I decided right then that I would work out my anger and try to learn to let it go.

and I did.

it was hard.....really, really hard.

I have to be honest and say that my faith was a huge part of that work. I don't think that without my relationship with God I would have been able to fully let it go. I read a lot of scripture that spoke to me about bitterness, anger and forgiveness and although it was Oprah who started me on that path....it was God who always held my hand and led me through it (even deeper I know that it was really God all the time.....).

It's been a long journey.....but my dad has re-entered the picture. I have to admit and say that it's a little awkward at times....and that my motive in the beginning was  for my kids. I want to give them every possibility to know their family which is something I never had. It has been such a joy to see them get to know their grandpa and I am slowly getting to know this man who is my dad.

But the best thing is......I broke the cycle.  That latch key kid from a broken home who at one time was full of anger and hate is no longer. My kids won't have to grow up knowing what feeling abandoned is like.......they won't have the same "issues" i had growing up.  They have two parents who love each other and love them. They have a place where they feel safe...a place to wonder, grow, wrestle and laugh. I thought about these things the other night as I was brushing Riley's hair in the bathroom and her Dad walked by doing the silly dance and I smiled.

 Oprah started me on a journey that led me to a place where anger holds no one captive and love & forgiveness easily rest.

Kanye vs. Stephen Colbert

Sometimes Stephen Colbert is just too funny not to share.

Embrace

For those of you who don't know me personally, my wonderful husband is not only a great man, father and pastor....but a talented artist. He has a unique perspective that is all his own.

About two years ago a friend of mine commissioned him to paint a painting for her new home. This was one of the sketches he came up with. Although, my friend never ended using this piece.....I fell in love with it.

This pictures touches my soul in so many different ways. Sometimes it depicts how our Heavenly Father holds us in embrace during times of joy, sorrow, grief, pain and happiness. Other times, it illustrates how a father holds his daughter when they are snuggling. And even still, other times it reminds me how a husband embraces his wife in all things.

It's comforting.....and every time I look at it, no matter how I look at it, I feel loved and cherished.

This piece has been pinned up in my office since he brought it home. Today he posted it on his blog.....and I couldn't resist posting it as well.


Note: if you are interested in seeing Paul's artistic side....he is starting to post things regularly on his blog. Check it out Here

Note to Honey: Now will you paint it for me???