Not So Much Lately

As you have noticed, I haven't blogged much lately.

Its not that I don't have much to say....I actually have alot stored up, but carpal tunnel has laid siege on my wrists and its just not fun sitting at the computer typing.

So I have been avoiding my mind, trying to keep it at bay. 

I actually thought of a new series I might start. It's called, "Things that get me in trouble".

I bet you are going crazy thinking about all the places I could go with that.  You know as a pastors wife, there's lots of things I shouldn't say, but want to. I actually started a post for that series, but had to delete it.....that's how much it would have gotten me in trouble.

Yep.....big trouble. heehee

So until my the pain in my wrists subsides a bit....enjoy the pic of Riley and Wes instead instead.

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In a Predicament

Yesterday in the middle of Costco I had an epiphany about myself.

I do what I feel.

When I go on vacation....I have a hard time packing because I like to wake up in the morning and decide what I FEEL like wearing.

I have a hard time planning meals because I like to decide what to make based upon what I FEEL like eating.

This is a problem.

While in Costco.....I couldn't figure out what to buy for meals. I got the basics....bread, bagels etc. But I had eaten lunch before I went to Costco so when I went shopping.....nothing sounded good to eat. Even the things I had thought of buying (putting on my list).....I couldn't bring myself to put in the cart because it didn't sound good.

Now...on the other hand.....the days I go to Costco hungry....I want to buy everything. The problem is I can't afford it....so I try to be disciplined and don't give in to the hunger. So much so that I don't put anything in my cart....again.

Sigh

How my family ever eats anything beside pasta is beyond me......

Doing It.

So there I was....standing in my kitchen making dinner.

Not just any ole macaroni and cheese dinner.....but an actual meat & potatoes dinner with salad to boot! For those of you that know me....that doesn't happen often. 

But there I was.......in the kitchen. Paul had taken Riley out for a bike ride to a little beach near our house (yes- I know, life is hard) and Jeremiah was playing Roller Coaster Tycoon on the computer.

With excitement and juberance....my sweet Riley comes bounding through the kitchen door with a huge smile on her face.

Paul follows her in...

"Mommy, Riley has something very exciting to tell you."

With the biggest smile on her face.....she shares that she just rode her bike for the first time without training wheels.

"I did it!" 

I gave her the biggest hug I could and smiled right back at her......as I looked into her face I don't think I have ever seen her look so proud of herself.

It's taken her awhile to learn how to ride on a bike.....and I didn't even know that Paul was gonna have her try on their bike ride.  It was such a pleasant surprise.

Before Paul walked out of the kitchen he told me that as soon as she was done.....she got off her bike and jumped into his arms. (I'm weepy just remembering him tell me that).

What a beautiful moment. 

...and I missed it.

I was sad, but I was more proud than anything.

When Paul walked out of the kitchen, I couldn't hold back my tears and they slid down my face as I sliced up the tri-tip.

I was teary for many reasons......but mostly because as my daughter and husband walked out of the kitchen, where I was cooking a family dinner into the living room to share with Jeremiah the exciting news, I realized.......

 that I had done it.

that I was doing it.

I had fulfilled a dream that I wasn't sure imaginable......

I had created a family......a whole family.

Growing up with a dysfunctional family I had always wanted a daddy to teach me to ride my bike.

I wanted family dinners where we sat down and talked......or not talked.

I wanted to come home to a house where I knew my mom and dad would be there.....to celebrate with me on all occasions.

So I stood there in the kitchen with tears of joy and amazement. I am continually amazed that I have been given the blessing of a wonderful marriage and beautiful healthy children. 

I am amazed that I can give my children what I didn't have.....and it brings me so much joy.

Easter Re-Cap

So after I wrote my last blog I rode my bike down to 2nd street to pick up a gift card for my sisters birthday. The store wasn't open yet, so I decided to waste time by browsing in "The Children's Place".

Wrong Move.

They were having a big sale.

On their spring dresses.

and I have a gift card.

I walked around the store thinking about how cute my little

 Riley would look in that dress....or how handsome Jeremiah would be in that vest. 

Luckily, I didn't get too caught up in the moment. Some how I snapped myself out of it....and walked out of the store empty handed.

It's all so easy. I realize my last blog could read a  bit scathing towards others' Easter traditions.....but I needed it. I easily can be distracted. I was glad I wrote that blog though...because I put my conviction out there for others to see. I knew if I showed up on Sunday in brand new outfits with my kids toting their new baskets- I would be put into check by my friends  (at least I hope my girls would keep me in check) AND my husband. 

And mostly...I would be missing the point.

Easter was wonderful this year. I spent time at the breakfast table sharing with the kids why we weren't doing baskets this year......and they were so okay with it. (in fact one didn't even notice they were missing). We spent time talking about what Easter means and why it's so important to us as Christians. 

I didn't worry about what they wore, (okay...not true....Miah got dressed in play clothes and I told him to go change into a nice shirt), and I didn't think about the perfect Family Easter picture. I just enjoyed the morning, sang kid praise songs with the kids on the way to church....

and loved being with my "family" while praising God for his sacrifice.

And even when I saw all the beautiful Easter outfits...especially this one, I didn't sigh. 

I recognized it's my conviction and I was happy with the decision I made.

On another note.....it was quite the busy week. Jeremiah turned 8, the Angels had opening day and Wes turned 7 weeks old.

Here's a few pics to recap the week.

EASTER SUNDAY

Opening Day of the Angels Game. 

We didn't make it to the game, but we dressed in our attire and

  drank RED juice for dinner in  honor of the halos.

Special moment

Miah's birthday breakfast.

Wes giving me the business.

I'm Not Buying Into it

This past Sunday I sat down at our table to enjoy some breakfast and the Sunday Paper before starting the whirlwind of getting ready for church. My favorite part of Sunday's paper is ....don't laugh......the Target Circular.  Yep...ever since I was a teenager I have been opening the paper to find my slice of shopper heaven. I love to peruse the circular for good sales and any "must need" (read "must want") items.

This past Sunday was no different. I opened the paper to find Target's Easter edition  circular.

I smiled as I glanced at the front page....the spring colors make me so happy. But as I continued turning the pages...my smile turned to a grimace and I quietly began cursing consumerism.  Every page was filled with all kind of sales enticing the buyers to get the perfect Easter gift or Easter outfit  for their child.

Since when did Easter become Christmas?

I'm sure it has slowly happened over time....but the marketing for Easter is turning into another   "Buy me and forget what the holiday is really about" event.

It makes my stomach turn- even though  I had already bought the kids their Easter things (they need those sand toys- REALLY! They did), I can't believe  how much we,Or maybe I should say....I can't believe how much I have bought into the idea that we need to get gifts and the perfect outfit for Easter.  

We are losing the meaning of Easter.  As it is, Easter is second rate to Christmas......and it shouldn't be. Easter is the reason why I go to church every week......it's the reason why I continue to love others and basically...the reason why I get up in the morning.

Someone freakin' died for me....and then....he became alive 3 days later. He beat death...so that I can live with him for eternity. He didn't bring me chocolates.....he brought me his body and blood. He didn't wear a chiffon dress or a 3 piece suit.....but a rag, a simple cloth to cover the niceties.

His gift was life.......and I can't buy that in any Target circular.

So yes- I have been on a high horse this week. 

I am refusing to buy my kids Easter outfits for church. They have plenty of clothes. 

I am refusing to make a basket for them. They get plenty of candy every other day as well as baskets from grandparents.

I am refusing to buy them toys- (although, I already bought the sand toys......)

I am refusing to buy into all this Easter stuff.

Yes...it's cute and it's fun and I'm sure on Sunday when I see all the pretty dresses and suits I will sigh and wish I would have gotten the kids something new, but I think it will help me to remember.......

it will help me to remember why I am not buying into the American Easter.....

It will help me remember the Resurrection.

Things I Love #5

They Say Cleanliness is next to Godliness. I don't know how true this statement is, but I believe godliness can be applied to the best appliance to keep wood floors clean.

People......The Swiffer Vac is next to godliness in my book.

Yes, I know it sounds blasphemous (especially coming from a pastor's wife) but if you haven't had an chance to behold it's greatness than do not judge. I have fallen quickly in love with this appliance and I can't imagine my life without it.

I have lived in a house with all wood floors for almost 7 years. Our floor was constantly decorated by  bunnies, crumbs, and dirt. Even with sweeping with all kinds of brooms, our floor always looked dirty.

I don't know how the Swiffer Vac went under my radar, but I had never heard of it....until 4 weeks ago when a dear friend,  Leslie, bought me one when we were doing a 'Super Clean" to get the house ready to "show".  She plugged it in and showed me how it picks up everything a normal broom doesn't....and it was so easy, it was almost fun.

One use.....and I was an addict. I immediately starting cleaning my floors anytime I could, even if they were already clean. I loved watching those little bunnies get sucked up into the vac and even more......my floors looked brilliant!

Now we are house hunting and you better believe that any house we buy will have wood floors just so I can use my Swiffer Vac.

So if you have wood floors....and don't own a Swiffer Vac, do yourself a favor and run directly to your nearest Target....don't stop for a diet coke and popcorn on your way in...just march yourself directly to the cleaning aisle and pick your self up a Swiffer Vac. You'll be so glad you did.

Your little dust bunnies can't escape now......

I Told Ya So!

Yes...I am hearing the many voices of all friends and family that have uttered the phrases,

"This baby will be such a blessing"

"You are gonna love him the moment he is born"

"You won't be able to imagine your life without him"

The moment before little Wesley was born, there was a moment. It was rather spiritual and emotional and overwhelming.

Even up to that moment I was still in somewhat of denial that I was going to be responsible for a new little life.

It was a moment that peace just washed over me and I knew that without a doubt I would never be sorry that God gave us Wesley.

All those months of hearing friends and family trying to be encouraging through my phase of whining, crying, complaining and mopey-ness now came into earshot of a big resounding....

"I Told Ya So!"

Yes, from the moment I laid eyes on him I couldn't imagine the White family without him.

I couldn't imagine us ever not wanting a third child. Our little Wes is perfect ad beautiful and already has taken a chunk of our hearts.

So dear friends...thank you for being good listeners and not scolding me when I was in my emo state of mind.  You were gentle and loving and just let me feel whatever it was I was feeling at the moment.

This gorgeous little boy has been prayed for and loved tremendously and I am so thankful for the people in my life that encouraged us through it.

So you can say I told ya so all you want....go ahead, rub my nose in it. 

It feels good :-)

On another note.......I haven't been blogging much lately. I am either sleeping, packing or taking care of Wes....so in my absence read my funny husband's blog, reluctant but faithful.

He is trying to blog everyday for lent and he actually has some good stuff.

So check it out and leave a comment. He thinks nobody likes him.

and I'll do my best to post a picture or two of my little circus animal.

Daddy likes to style his hair.......

What's in a Name- Introducing My Circus Animal

Today we brought home our beautiful baby boy.

Wesley Wendell White was Born Thursday, February 19th at 6lbs, 13oz and 20 in. long.

He is absolutely beautiful (of course I am biased) and I have already switched to the "I can't imagine my life without him" gear.

A few months ago,  I posted a "A Baby Naming Contest" blog to see if anyone wanted to try and guess the name we picked out. And true to my word,  I am posting the winners.

No one actually guessed the first name....accept "Anonymous." But my thought is,  if you post anonymous, you might as well not post :-)

But two people guessed the middle name. It took a while....but they finally got it...and within  only a few hours of each other. The winners are.....

First Place- Diane Davis

Second Place- Edie Finnell.

To be truthful...I had a feeling these girls might guess it since they are both avid readers.

So why Wesley Wendell White?

Well a friend of mine, Elizabeth,  wrote a beautiful post on her blog and I encourage you to read it here. She put  into words some of the things I don't know how. I have to say after reading it, I wished I had thought of some of those reasons, but I hadn't. But her prayer is what fills my heart with hope, that Wesley will grow into the meaning of his name.

To be honest....both Paul and I just really liked the name Wesley. We wanted a W name.....cuz let's face it...who doesn't like alliteration? We hadn't even thought of the theologian until a few weeks ago....but that's okay.

Wendell is the name that Paul without a doubt wanted. Wendell is named after the writer Wendell Berry. Paul has read many of his books and poetry and he is a man that he highly respects and loves. After reading some of his stuff, I would have to agree. His heart and thoughts are so rich and full of so many rich things...things that truly matter in this crazy world.

While I was in labor, Paul read aloud some of his poems. There was one in particular I really liked, and it happened to be one of Paul's favorites too. In fact....after we announced the name...a close friend posted this exact poem on our facebook wall without even knowing that we had read it.

"When despair grows in me

and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief.

I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting for their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free."

~ 'The Peace of Wild Things' -- by Wendell Berry

Reading that just takes my breathe away....as does looking at Wesley. 

I love his name.....and it holds so much meaning and hope for me. I also love all the little nicknames emerging from friends and family.

There's Dub Dub, Triple Dub, The Web, and the funniest which Jeremiah came up with....Mr. Fire Engine ("Cuz he sounds like a fire engine when he cries!")

So Welcome lil Wes.....my sweet little wanderer Wes.

Forgetful People- Lesson #1

Our Church is currently working it's way through the book of Exodus. 

Exodus is actually one of the more exciting books in the Old Testament with lots of action going on with plagues, slaughtered lambs over doors, combustible bushes,  and it's very own Survivor Man but with a group of people instead of one.

I am always amazed at how I can learn something new from scripture that I somehow didn't "get" before.

This time there are two things that have struck me....one that gets to my heart and the other to my theology.

The first one is that the Israelites were such forgetful people (the second I will blog about tomorrow). They continue to see God's power save them over and over again....and yet they constantly complained in the wilderness. 

Let's face it, they were babies.

God splits the Red Sea for  them to walk through and keeps them safe from the Egyptians and a few days later they are wining to Moses about how they should have stayed in Egypt. 

God delivers them out of slavery....the beatings and sweatshop conditions and they cry to Moses about how awful God is to them.

Over and over they cry and complain......and yet, God in His lovingness...still saves them, still delivers them, still provides for them.....and still loves them.

I don't know about you but I would have dropped them like a (insert funny pop culture reference here-and feel free to post in comments) and looked to another group of people.

But as I was reading this time, I felt like I was looking in a mirror. How many times have I been delivered, saved and provided for....and yet I still doubt God. For the most part...I trust God....but then there are those stressful moments that I freak out, panic and have anxiety.

This series comes at a good time for me. Here I am about to have a baby any day and we put our house on the market to sell. I mean that's CRAZINESS. Normally, I would have been freaking out and worried about everything...if we will sell, how we will live, where we will, and how we can do all this while adjusting to a newborn.

But going through this series with our church has caused me to look back and see how God has parted the seas in my life

how He has delivered me from bad situations 

and how He has always provided what I needed.

......and I am done stressing, wining and complaining. I don't want to be like the Israelites any longer. When a unexpected bill comes, I don't want to be stressed. I want to be confident in God's provision for me.

And I can finally say that I am. I feel at peace with God leading us. We don't know what house we will be in nor how things will go with having a third baby....but I know My God is with me, He is mighty to Save.

He has been faithful to me in all my days, and now I know....in my heart and mind that He is with me....he dwells with me wherever I go.

It feels good to be on this side of things rather than the stressful side. Friends comment that I must be going crazy with all the things to do...have a baby, pack etc etc.

But I just smile....because I don't feel overwhelmed, or stressed...I feel God's peace, His provision and His ability to part the Seas, send Manna from Heaven and provide water through rocks.

Beginning to Grieve

 This is the first house I have ever lived in.

The very first one.

I grew up in the same apartment, lived in dorms, got married and lived in more apartments. 

It was always my dream to live in a real house.

7 Years ago, my dream became reality when we bought this little house on Harvey Way. 

Jeremiah was only 18 months and I was pregnant with Riley at the time. We had no idea what to look for when purchasing our home, but we were up for the adventure. We found this house the first day we went looking, and 30 days later closed escrow.

The beauty of our home is that we are not the sole owners. The church that Paul works for helped us to buy this home. They put down a hefty down payment with our down payment and share the equity with us. So even though it is our home...it is their home as well. Some may not have liked that kind of situation, but we have loved it. It has helped us keep things in perspective as well as given us the opportunity to do something we couldn't have ever done without them.

Over the past 7 years it has been a blessing to see the congregation of our church take care of us....and their investment. If we ever needed work done.....people have always been there to help. We have a patio, a completely remodeled bathroom, a finished garage, a new gate, a garden in the front and a remodeled bedroom because of the time people took to help us "do it ourselves" (when we all know Paul and I couldn't have done it ourselves!). It truly has become God's house to me. I know that sounds corny.....but I look around our house and I see the many faces of those in our congregation that have passed through our doorway for not only a party or a meal....but also to give their sweat to make the house better for us.

It makes me love my house even more if it was solely our house.

So today....I say with great excitement that we sold our house. I am still in shock that with the market the way it is...we sold it in less than a week. It goes into escrow tomorrow morning and if all goes well......a new couple will be blessed by the hands that have loved this house.

But I am also very sad, and recognize that for a while, I will need to grieve the selling of our home.

My first home.

The home where Jeremiah and Riley have both grown up.

The home that I have sometimes loved to hate....but I have always loved.

The home where our toddlers have done naked runs in the circle of our home after bath-time.

The home where we march to "pajama time".

The home where we created memories with our church community and family community.

The home of Oscar parties and college/young adult get togethers.

The home where our little "surprise" will come home to, only to move out a few weeks later.

It's the home of so many memories and so many dreams come true.

and soon it will be time to say good-bye.

And I'm keenly aware of God's abundant blessing in all this.......and feel overwhelmed by it.