The Loves of My Life

The Loves of My Life

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Ignore or Befriend?

Today for the first time in what seems like forever, I had time to screw around on the computer.

Actually, I just lied.

I didn't. But I was in essence, I had time.
Anyway, I went over to my Facebook page and decided to take a gander at the Friends Suggestions Page. I NEVER do this. I am not one to go out "looking" for friends. I did in the beginning because I started doing Facebook before it blew up in social circles and not very many of my friends were on it yet. But then they saw the light and now they are all hooked.

Except one friend. She refuses. Yes, Valentine....I'm talking about you. (ha! She doesn't even read my blog! So she'll never see this. Bambushka GET ON FACEBOOK!)

Sorry....lost focus. (see what happens when you stop blogging).So I took a gander at my friends suggestions page and in the sea of faces I saw......

my Husbands congregation.

I Love them. I do....I love them all. But I started wondering.....should people in your church be Facebook friends?

Some...absolutely! But I'm not talking about the people you see and talk to every week at church or at church activities. I'm talking more about the people you know....but you don't know. The people that the pastor knows and you might know their names, but you know nothing about them.
Is there even a line? Should there be a line?
I don't know.

That is why I bring it to the blogging world. What do you all think?

But here's my last thought. I was thinking...if they wanted to be friends with me they would request me right?


But they haven't.

So problem solved.

No feelings hurt.

In Case You Didn't Notice

I'm having a hard time bloggin lately for several different reasons.

Time. Don't have much.

Lack of Inspiration. too busy.

But mostly I have been thinking its all very narcissistic. blogging friends....I don't mean you, because frankly, I like reading other people's stuff when I have the time.

But I have been having very funny feelings about the reasons why I blog.
I first started because I wanted to have a place where I could say honest things about me, ministry, kids and life in general. But when I try to blog I have started to edit myself.

Don't want to ruffle the feathers.
Don't want people to worry.
That might be taken the wrong way.

and then I ask...why am I writing this? is it all about me?

I just don't know.

and I'm stuck.

Maybe I'll be unstuck soon.

But I don't know....we'll see.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Sometimes I'm tired of church

and so frustrated with it, I just want to shout out "BLERG!"

Sometimes I think the pastors are lame (including my hubby).

Sometimes I think committees are lame.

Sometimes I think the people are lame and fake.

Sometimes I think the music is empty, meaningless and lame.

Sometimes I think I am lame and a phony for feeling such things.

I'm glad that Jesus is none of these things.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Totally 'Lost'

only 24 hours.....

That's right, I'm counting down to one of the most anticipated season premieres.
It's the 6th and finally season of Lost and I can't believe it's already here.

Usually I spend my time reading all the latest news on my favorite tv shows. And Lost is no different. I love reading Doc Jenson's take on Lost , and salivating on all the pretty Lost EW covers.

With the final season about to premiere you would think that I would have scoured the internet for any and all information I could get on the show. But I haven't. Oh...there's alot out there. It's probably all amazing intel...especially since people like Doc are getting interviews with Damon and Carlton (yep, I'm on a first name basis with them. But let us not forget that JJ and Jeffrey are a part of this too.)

I have decided to keep this season premiere pure.
Every time I see an article....I look away.
If I start to hear anything on the radio, I turn the knob.

I want my season premiere viewing to be nothing short of extraordinary.....and I believe it will. Season after season these guys have knocked my socks off....

and I am confident they won't fail me now.

only 24 more hours......and I will be totally 'Lost'.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Prayers for Ronel

Here's an excerpt from a friend blogger...please read.....and help.

prayers for Ronel

My heart is heavy tonight for the adoptive parents who are still waiting to get their children home from Haiti, and for the children who wait in the balance. Since we got Kembert out last week, things have changed dramatically. On January 18th, the US government announced it was granting humanitarian parole for orphans already in the process of adoption. This made perfect sense: these children were shown to be eligible for adoption prior to the earthquake. The Haitian and US government go through extensive searches when a child enters the system to show this to be true, including the procurement of death certificates, DNA testing, and birthparent interviews. I was so proud that our country saw the value of evacuating these children into the care of waiting families in the US, not only to remove them from a precarious situation, but also to free up room in orphanages to take care of children who are orphaned or displaced as a result of the earthquake.

This all seemed to make sense for a couple days. The US agreed, Haiti agreed, and we saw lots of personal interest news stories of happy families united with their children. That is, until UNICEF stepped in. UNICEF, with their seemingly charitable gestures towards children worldwide, happens to be an organization that is staunchly, and often illogically, anti-adoption. It is also an organization that wields a great amount of power (and money), and when they put the pressure on, Haiti complies. There is a lot to be said about UNICEF's views. There is an essay brewing there - but for now, the short version is that UNICEF would prefer children without parents to be raised in an institution within their culture of origin rather than by a loving family of a different culture. In other words, race/culture trumps family/nurture/security. (It doesn't take a psychologist to see the faulty logic there).

Over the last week, the effort to get previously-matched children out of Haiti has slowed considerably. Extra steps have been added, redundant steps, steps that pose no added measure of safety since these children HAVE ALREADY BEEN CLASSIFIED AS ADOPTABLE BY THE HAITIAN GOVERNMENT, and since these parents HAVE ALREADY SUBMITTED AN EXTENSIVE HOMESTUDY/DOSSIER/BACKGROUND CHECK. This is effecting hundreds of waiting children. One such child is Ronel. I want to tell Ronel's story, because I think it is a compelling example of the need for international adoption, and a tragic (hopefully only temporarily tragic) example of how UNICEF's corruption affects orphaned children.

Ronel was abandoned at the Rescue Center of Real Hope for Haiti, which is an amazing medical mission that takes in malnourished children and nurses them back to health. I am constantly amazed by the life-saving work these sisters do. When he was brought in, he weight 28 pounds (less than my daughter India). They were unsure of his age, but guessed him to be about 7 or 8 years old. Over a few months at the Rescue Center, his weight nearly doubled. Because his parents had died and no other family came to claim him, they searched for an adoptive family.

(photo from RHFH blog, before treatment)

Debra answered that call. I've never met Debra in person, but I feel like we're friends through this crazy blogging world. She is friends (the real-life kind) with Jamie, who posted a photo of Ronel on her blog. Debra saw the picture and knew. THIS WAS HER SON. She and her husband Ernest started the process to adopt Ronel. This was well over a year ago. Like many of us, they were in the wait to get him home when the earthquake happened. Like many of us, they moved into action to try to get their son home.

Ronel was supposed to come home the night Kembert did. He was one of the kids who did not get approval, and got left behind. My heart was so heavy for Debra that night, as she rejoiced for those of us getting our kids home. But even worse was reading this visiting missionary's account of what that night was like for Ronel:

Tara told me today that the boys were flying to the US. One was going to his adoptive family in Houston Texas, the other to a family in Dallas. When I got back from my days work, the boys were all dressed in their very best to meet their new families. They were so excited. I was so excited for them. It was hard to watch them go. Later in the evening after dinner, the truck returned from the airport where 27 children were flying to meet their new parents. In the front seat of the truck was Ronel, the 6-7 year old that was staying in my room. I asked why he was still here and Tara told me it was because they needed one more paper for him. The other children got to go. She said she hoped they could get the needed paperwork tomorrow. I would never wish for you to see the disappointment on Ronel's face because it would crush your heart... it did mine. It was dark and the power was off. He went into our room, laid down on the bed, pulled the sheets up and sobbed. It was so sad. Tara came in and talked to him in Kreole... I'm not sure what she said but I know she was trying to comfort him. After a time she got up and left as I sat across the room. I could not leave him by himself. I went over and motioned for him to move over and I laid down next to him. The tears were pouring out of him. He was still in his new clothes as he fell asleep.

The embassy wanted one more paper to send Ronel home. He was supposed to go home the next day. That was a week ago.

Three days ago, Debra's husband flew down to try to get him out. From Debra:

I did not know I would literally have to fight for him.

He [Ernest] just got word that the US is deciding to comply with a request from the Haitian government. That request is to approve of all children who leave the country after they have been cleared by the United States. France and Canada have not complied and are getting their waiting children home. Our US Ambassador has not cleared children and will not see the parents waiting/pleading. They were just told that the Ambassador has left for the day.

There are sick children and pregnant women sleeping on the floor in hopes to bring children home all the while nothing is being signed out. All documents are ready to go except for that approval.


E has said that every time they call him to the window Ronel runs up to his side and says a phrase in kreyol with an expectant look on his face CAN WE GO? As in can we go home. As in can we go to THIS home. His home.

I will not lie and say that I am not fighting fear. I am. I am fearful of Ronel being hurt again. Being left again. It would break Ernest. I cannot imagine what it would do to Ronel. Would he understand that we would still fight for him? To think of it makes my stomach sick.

That was written yesterday. They spent all day at the embassy again today. They still don't know if or when the ambassador will sign them out.

Ronel's story is just one story of hundreds. Hundreds of orphaned children with waiting families, and nothing separating them but political manoeuvrings and power plays that put children at risk. I hope that you will read this and consider educating yourself on UNICEF's history in thwarting international adoption, and register your voice of dissent.

Raymond Joseph
Haitian Ambassador to US
p 202-332-4090
f 202-745-7215

Kenneth H Merten
US Ambassador to Haiti
Tabarre 41, Blvd 15 Octobre
Port-au-Prince, Haiti
P 509 22 29 8000
F 509 22 29 8028

Hilary Clinton/Dept of State
U.S. Department of State
2201 C Street NW
Washington, DC 20520
Main Switchboard:

prayers for Ronel

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Saturday, January 23, 2010

Oh To Be Loved Like That......

Keanan is home.

I can imagine that this is how God waits for us......

How He yearns for us to be in His arms....

How He will hold us when we come home....

and how He loves us.

What a beautiful picture of being loved.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Quiet does not equal Peace

You know your baby is a 3rd child when.....

You give them everything under the sun to eat before 12 months old.

You don't even try putting on shoes before they can walk. What's the point?

You turn a blind eye when a friend slips your baby a piece of a cookie or a french fry. Why deprive them? ( don't turn a blind eye when they try to sneak them a lollipop-that's too crazy...even for you)

at 10 months old he loves peanut butter.

You don't panic leaving them alone in a room.

You don't child proof your house....they'll eventually figure out how to open it anyway.

You realize the quiet doesn't mean means poop or trouble....or maybe both.

You practically run away when you drop them off with a sitter.

Schedules? what schedules? it's all thrown out the window when you gotta pick up the older kids.

You don't feel the need to play with them every second. A little alone playtime is good for the soul. (theirs & yours)

You don't introduce foods try it at the dinner table every night for entertainment.

Crying becomes white noise.

Practical items like toothbrushes and tupperware are toys rather than the new bright & shiny toys from the store.

You don't feel the need to dress them up when all they are gonna do is stay at home. Jammie days are good days. (for them & you)

They spend more time in the car seat than their own crib.

You don't care if other people reading this might think you are lazy and know it's just truth.

You allow your baby to do things like this....and you think it's funny:

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Oh, to Love like that.....

The past year I have spent moments contemplating much.

Contemplating the thread that weaves through my fingers keeping me from letting go into insanity.

Contemplating the state of my church, our church, the American church and the church universal.

I have thought about my sin and judgement on others and how it makes me feel less.

I have pondered the what ifs in my life and have given my thoughts selfishly over to the "But I want" way of thinking.

I have sat and criticized others in my mind for their thoughtless actions and ways of doing things...all the while trying not to point the finger at myself.

and I have contemplated the lack of love....real, life giving love that exists in our world, in my country, in my church, and in me.


when it all comes down to it
is really the only thing we have abundantly to give...

and yet it's the one thing that we hold tightly, keeping it only for special people and for special reasons.

We hold it in because it's the most joyful feeling....and the most hurtful feeling.

I have held my love in....because I get tired. I get tired of feeling so very much.

I have held it in because I get so overwhelmed.....and I fear I don't have enough courage.


Courage to go love someone somewhere that is uncomfortable. Somewhere that's unknown to me.

There is so much need.

But then...I hear of someone like Diane loving so incredibly it breaks me.

Love incarnate.

And I can only hope that I can have the courage to love and affect the way she has.

We, as Christians, all talk so much about loving others for Jesus.

Love others like Jesus.

But sometimes that carries no meaning.

But to see it before your eyes......then it somehow becomes alive.

My friend Diane has done that. She has allowed the love of Christ to pour completely out of her being...and it has already changed one life.

Read her blog to see how.

Because I know that I can only hope to love like that.

To love beyond myself when it doesn't benefit me.

To love when and where others don't go.

Oh, to Love like that.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Needing a little Facelift...or maybe just Botox.

It's time folks. Its out with the with the new. I am figuring it can rival the likes of Heidi Montag (ew!) and have a "few" procedures done. A nip here....a tuck there...a new "thing" here.

Before you say, "how could you?" or "jen...don't do it!"

Lemme Explain.

I'm talking about my blog people.

Its needs a new look.

But I'm no artist. I have no idea where to start.

So I'm looking for some help jump start my blog's look.

Any ideas out there?

I'm all ears......

Helping Haiti and The Howertons

You have all seen the devastation and heard of how desperate the situation is in Haiti.

I can't even wrap my head around it all....there are so many who need aid.
I want to help and give, give, give.
I'm sure you do too.

Here is one way that we can help one child, one family......

"The Howertons Need Our Help...
There's an Orange County family trying to finalize the adoption of their son, Keanan in Haiti. Kristin (the mom) was in Haiti visiting him when the earthquake hit. They all survived and Kristen was evacuated but was forced to leave Keanan there. The Howertons are desperately trying to get him home and they need our help.

(Kristin with her son Keanan and her daughter Karis - taken about an hour before the quake hit)

In a crisis of this magnigtude, we often feel paralyzed by helplesness. The destruction is so overwhelming - the loss is so great.

But here's an opportunity where WE CAN HELP!!!

Please take a few moments to read the Howerton's blog - it provides details on what we can do to help them bring their precious boy home. It's easy - it takes very little time - and it will make a difference.

Also, pass the word along to your friends so that they can help too. The blogging community is huge, and word spreads fast. Let's use it to affect change and get this family together! If you have a blog or if you are on Facebook, post the link to their blog so that you can pass the word to even more people.

Here's the link to their blog:

There are so many children out there that need our's a way that we can at least affect change for one....and maybe some others.
Don't pass on this opportunity to help this family..."

btw...original author is Heidi Goble...I plagariarized her blog.