Missing My Blog World and Friends

I am officially cheating at work today. I can't stand it anymore.

I miss blogging and I miss reading & commenting on my favorite blogs (which are on the side of my blog)

By the time I get home from getting the kiddos, doing homework, dinner, bed time etc etc. I usually have to fold laundry....or if I do have free time, physically I am just too tired to tap on the keyboard.
So Sad.

I peeked on my dashboard today and I see ALL the posts I am missing. Sniff. Sniff.

I can't wait for time this weekend to catch up and read...and maybe do a little posting of my own.

So dear blog buddies....know I miss you and my lack of commenting and posting is due to this horrible economy that makes me half to work.

Will Obama or McCain fix that for me?

lol



Here's me cheating at work (Leslie...don't tell Paul, I don't want to get fired!)

until this weekend
xxoo

So Proud

Yesterday I went to my nephew's Cross country meet. He is in 8th grade and this is his first year running.

He is such a stud....He came in 4th place!
Way to go Jakers!!!!

Fear

So I am in the middle of the Golden Trimester. For all you who haven't had children or who are men....this is the time in a women's pregnancy when all is well in the world. For most pregnant women this is when they have finally come out of the nausea, tired and feeling bloated stage and into the all food sounds great, more energy and great sex stage.

So I should be feeling great right?

riiight! well actually not so much. I have found myself too be more exhausted and my hormones are all over the place. I notice this due to the simple fact that I have already been pregnant twice and I know how I should be feeling. I also know this because most of the time I am a pretty even keel kinda girl. For the most part I am someone who is pretty easy going and can roll with the punches.

But something is off this time. I have been finding myself having a really hard time just dealing with ordinary tasks. I am easily stressed and anxious about what needs to happen or what we might be doing that day or week. Many times I have to try to keep myself from crying....but I don't know why I am. It seems like life is too much for me and I just can't handle the full plate I am used to eating.

I noticed this right away....and told my friend Rebecca who I knew would encourage me to talk to someone....a professional someone. I knew I really needed that encouragement and that's why i went to her.
I came home one night and emotionally vomited on my husband who, after being a great listener, offered that a Stephen Minister might be good for me right now (he also gave me a lovely foot rub). I even told my OB what was going on....and guess what she suggested as well?......for me to go see a therapist or a psychologist ( as well as telling me what i am feeling is completely normal for someone who is pregnant with 2 kids and working part-time).

I went to all three people knowing what I needed to do...but somehow I still had fear in taking that first step.

For me....doing that goes much deeper.

When Paul was in seminary there was a lot of hard stuff going on in my family. I ended up going to the campus therapist for a few visits to help me deal with the craziness. i wasn't depressed or anything....I just needed help in figuring out how to manage myself and my loved ones in the midst of some trying situations. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. It was such a wonderful experience that I always would encourage friends who were going through hard times to maybe do the same.

So even though I had this great experience....I still was having a hard time taking the step to talk to someone.

You see....depression runs pretty rampant in my family. It's not fun growing up with a depressed mom and a grandmother on anti-depressants. I told myself that I never wanted to be like them. I didn't want to end up like that. I am so fearful of the chemical imbalance that sometimes it freezes me in that fear.

So for me...going to talk to someone about the possibility that my pregnancy is raking havoc so much with my hormones that i might be slightly depressed or dealing with anxiety is really hard for me. Sometimes I am afraid that the ability to be positive and deal with stress as I usually do won't come back.

I know I can't live in this fear. It's not healthy. I know what I should do and I am very aware of how helpful talking to someone can be.
It's just hard....and frankly it's almost too tiring.

But I will. I made an appt. and I am waiting to hear. The nice thing is that I have felt a tiny bit better the past few days.....so maybe I am coming back into balance.

My Fam

I love this picture.

Full of Love

That's how I feel sometimes when I am at Church.

I look around and I am filled with love for the people that are sitting next to me, standing beside me, behind me, in front of me....across the room from me.

I do. I know it sounds hokey, but sometimes I think about my church and faces of our congregation come to my mind and I smile because my heart is full of joy and love over them.

There are times when I even envision the day that Paul and I might be called to another church, and thinking of that last day of being at our "home" with our "family" will bring a rush of tears to my eyes.

You would think it would be just my closest friends that I would thinking about but it's not just them. Or you might think it would only be the people that are nice and kind, people who have done great things, or people who have been really good to us. And they are people I think about, but it's even more than that. It's everyone. It's even the people that 'chap my hide" (as I wrote earlier in the summer).

It's weird, but i can see their faces. Faces of our encouragers, our challengers, our friends, our parents of teenagers, our elderly and our staff. Oh how I love each person on our staff!

I can see the people that don't agree with us and the people that i know that probably gab about us behind our back.

I can see the people who I wish I got to know better and the people who I was only on a "hi" basis with.

I envision the children, the teenagers, the college students, the people that left our church and I envision the people that probably think I don't think much about them.....but I do.

I see the family we created with all those we were in small groups together.....and all those I wish we could have been in small groups together.

I even see the people that move quietly and don't like to be noticed....they are usually the biggest servants.

I see members of our choir and the amazing musicians that play every week.

I see them and not only do I see them, I hold them in my heart. I think of them and I thank God for each and every one of them.

It's amazing to me that I can really love all those people...flaws and all.....

Cause I do......and I smile.

Must be how God feels....

I think it's Taggerific

I was tagged by Jodi....(dang it Jodi!)- :-)


1. So I dislike doing these kind of things....but I secretly love to read what people say in them ....so I feel obliged to share too.

2. I used to dance ( and sometimes sing) in the supermarket aisles as a kid in hopes I would get discovered.

3. When my kids were toddlers I secretly loved it when they were sick (not throw up sick....just fever sick) Because that meant I had an excuse to cuddle up on the couch all day with my little one and catch up on movies while they soundly slept their fever off (or maybe I would nap too). I love a good cuddle and I love having an excuse to not clean the house or do laundry.

4. I ate raw ground beef as a child....and loved it. On a special occasion my mom would give me a tiny piece and I would roll it up and salt it and pop it in. This was of course before mad cow disease.

5. My best friend and I in high school had a bet time to see who could"scam" with the most guys in a weekend. We tied. After the first guy we felt so bad that we called a truce.

6. I get my best ideas in the shower or just as I am about to nod off to sleep at night.

7. My milk has to be cold.....right out of the fridge cold. If someone has a cereal box and a gallon of milk on the table, I can't do it. I don't like milk that is at any temperature but very cold.

Okay....so the winners of taggerific are JJ, Paul, Kristi, The Reverand's Lover, Sarah T,
Sarah B, and Rebecca,

Tag...Now you are it.

Jeremiah = Sheldon

Do any of you watch the Big Bang Theory on Monday Nights?

Paul and I do.

My friend turned me onto the show last fall when she claimed one of the characters reminded her of Jeremiah. So I tuned in.....after watching two shows and hearing me bust a gut from the other room, Paul began to join me.

Paul doesn't watch much TV outside of sports, The Office and Lost...so for him to "pick up" another show is a big deal.

Every Monday we sit down together and watch The Big Bang Theory. It really is one of the more funny sitcoms on TV right now. Out of the 4 shows it has aired this season, 3 of them had me laughing so hard that I continued laughing during the commercial break (or actually the fast forward on the DVR).

Our favorite character is Sheldon. He is bit of an Asperger's type personality. He's a genius that's anal but lacks serious social skills....which makes for funny FUNNY moments.

There are times when I see Jeremiah in this character.....or maybe the future of Jeremiah. The past episode illustrated this thought even more clearly. Sheldon had to fake being happy......and forced a "happy" smile on his face for the good of his friend. This is the exact smile Jeremiah gives when asked to smile for a picture. Scary how similar it is.


Another characteristic Jeremiah and Sheldon share is their lack of understanding sarcasm.
Here's a conversation I had with Jeremiah yesterday morning.

M-"Jeremiah, try on those shoes" (pointing to a pair of black sneakers i just got out of the closet.
J- "ok"
10 seconds later
M- "Miah try on those shoes please"
J- "OOHH, these shoes?" (pointing to the only pair of shoes in front of him, or even in his sight)
M- " No, Jeremiah....the red shoes."
J- "Mom, I don't see any red shoes."
M " I was being sarcastic, yes, those shoes."
J- " what does sarcastic mean?"
M- "Jeremiah you have to untie the shoe and undo the velcro to get your foot in the shoe.
J- "ohhhhh, ok."

Did I mention he is in 2nd grade......and his teacher wants to put him in a third grade gate class cuz he's so smart?

I love Sheldon because he shows me that even in his misunderstanding of sarcasm and his lack of "social graces" he has somehow gathered a community of friends around him that stick by him. These guys love him despite him being completely anal and annoying. And that's a beautiful thing.

So if you are looking for something to watch on Monday nights....or for something that gives you a good belly laugh.....check out the Big Bang Theory.....you probably wont be disappointed......and you just might see the future Jeremiah in there some where.

TOOT! TOOT!

So rarely do I toot my own horn.

As a mom, I never consider myself that great. So whenever I do have a day where I feel like, "Damn I was good today" (which isn't often at all), I have to say it out loud so it becomes more real.

Today is one of those days. It's 8:18pm and I am quite surprised at the amount of mommy and wife things I did today.

Paul had his Vasectomy today, so not only was he useless as a helper with the kids but he became the served (and rightly so since his friends down there got a little snip snip).

So after work, being a great wife....I went by the store and picked up his favorite drink, his favorite dessert (ice cream) and makings for dinner requested by him.

Then I picked up the kids and we made our rounds to two different grocery stores to pick up Mother's Cookies (which are, sniff, sniff, out of business).

We came home where I tended to the patient and completed the following list all before 830pm.

1. Waited on hubby, changing his frozen peas.
2. Worked on homework with the kids
3. Straightened up the house (it was a mess)
4. Made homemade mashed potatoes, chicken teriyaki Hawaiian style, and salad. (and we are talking real salad....not salad from a bag. I actually cut up the lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers and carrots myself)
5. Served my family....yes my whole family....dinner in bed.
6. Cleaned all the dishes, some hand washed and others in the dishwasher. Kitchen is now clean ;-)
7. Me & the kids decorated our house with Halloween decorations.
8. Did 4 loads of laundry...all folded and put away
9. Didn't yell or snap at kids when it came to discipline. I calmly sent Riley to her room and used good parenting techniques.
10. Read and cuddled with the kids
11. Served my hubby dessert in bed
12. Listened to my children say beautiful prayers (which are few and far between) and almost teared up as Riley thanked God that Mommy and Miah forgave her when she was being mean.
13. I wrote two blog posts....and may write a third to post for tomorrow
14. I did this all while being completely exhausted and hormonal from being 5 months pregnant!

Damn.......I don't know about you....but even if I didn't get to the homemade cookies.......I'm good!

disclaimer......I never EVER toot my own horn...so if you are reading this thinking this woman is so full of herself....there's nothing I can say to change your mind but stick around and maybe you'll read hopefully a more humble me.

R.I.P.

Today I heard the devastating news.

My childhood sweetheart has passed on. No longer will I be able to sneak secret rendezvous with my childhood lover.
The crisp sweet goodness of the circus animal, iced oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies will never again pass my lips.
Even the assorted bag that brought surprise to my taste buds when i grabbed it's goodness from inside the bag will be no more.

Today I ran to my mistress searching in 4 different stores for her remains.

She was scattered, but I was able to salvage a few of her. All in all I spent probably $50 not only for myself but for my sister's family as well.

And when I open up that bag and bite into my sugary delight every penny will be worth it.


If you hadn't heard......
Mother's Cookies officially closed their doors this past weekend.

Run, I repeat RUN to your nearest store, they are vanishing quickly!

In Memory of......

It could be anyone.....but yesterday morning and this morning it was simply a homeless man.

An article in the LA Times reported on a homeless man cared for by the working neighbors of the street he called home was torched to death by cruel men.

Usually I don't read articles like this simply because I know where my heart will go and I will have to try to explain away the tears to my kids sitting next to me at the table.

But I read it anyway....and my heart was broken for this man. A man who lived on the sidewalk, yet never asked for handouts and seemingly respected those around him. The business owners on the street where he lived talked about his kindness and how he became almost like family not only to them, but to their regular customers as well.

Then this morning, the man was identified by his family. A family that truly loved him and tried countless times to help him get off the streets. A family that wasn't ashamed to bring their children to visit uncle Johnny on many occasions. A family that made sure he had money and clothes and batteries for his radio. A family that saw him as a boy who loved comic books and ran around with a towel as his cape.

This was a man.....a human being.

And my heartbreaks simply because I know others simply didn't see him that way. That's obvious by the horrific way he died. Some may say he must have been doing drugs, or he was an alcoholic or that he choose to simply live that way.

But I have learned that most people don't choose to live that way......

There was a song we sang in church yesterday and one of the lines was...
"everyone needs compassion......everyone needs forgiveness"

Everyone.

Yes, everyone.

So today my prayer is not only to celebrate the man that was killed and pray for peace for his family, but also for the men that did it. May grace and compassion fall on them in such a way it changes it their lives.

Circle of Life

Let me just say right away this post has nothing to do with the uber critical darling that is known as the "Lion King", nor is it about death and life.

It's more a celebration of who we are as God's people and how we are connected.

When I dived into the blogging world, I had no idea what I was in for. I enjoyed reading my friend's blogs and every now and then I would peek into their friends' blogs.

After a while I decided to go for it and began blogging and processing my own feelings for all my friends to see.

But the amazing blessing that happened next I had no idea was coming.

As I blogged, people I have never met before began to comment and read what I wrote. I was extremely humbled that a stranger would take the time to read what I thought.....and not only read it, but resonate with it as well. I felt a little validated and encouraged that I was not alone in my walk as an "unlikely pastor's wife". I started reading their blogs and found myself connected to them in ways that extended beyond geography and physical presence.

Then here is the kicker......(and follow if you can, this might get tricky in the wording) my friends starting reading my new friend's blogs and my new friends starting reading my friend's blogs.
I will never forget the morning that I was reading Diane's post and I saw a comment from the Reverend's Lover. (someone who found me and I in turn read her blog). I was in awe. Then a few days later I saw Dionne and Diane post on The Reverend's Lover's blog. It was this amazing web of connectivity that I was just so in awe of and I was so excited. I thought....."How cool is that we can connect with others and through others through a media that can be so impersonal."

And this isn't the only instance I see it happening. It's almost as if the blogging world has become it's own portal to a place where one can be encouraged, be challenged, be miffed, or be engaged with a person that they have never met and may ever meet. But instead of it being with only one person....it's a group of people that open up their blogs and invite you in and say....."You're a friend because you are a friend of ________"

It's freakin' cool!

so....hopefully some of that made sense....which it may not since sometimes I can't articulate well the thought I am trying to convey.

But when I think about this concept, I am so moved. Because it's not the blogs that connect us....it's the image we are created from. The Creator that connects us all....who in His wisdom, has made us people that need connection. We are all connected in some way and in this particular outlet, it reminds me that there is a much bigger world of people out there......people like me, people different from me....and we all have things in common.

Take me Away

this is how I feel today........



too many hormones running through my body.....too many frustrating things coming to head all at once.

And all I want to do is go the movies and see "Happy Go Lucky"


or read my book, "Three Cups of Tea"


or take a nap


or watch a fresh episode of "The Office "for a good laugh


Life is so much better with simple distractions like these...Don't ya think?

I'm a Bad Pastor's Wife

yep....I am.

I currently am at our women's annual retreat. I am so happy to take a break from responsibility and getaway with good friends for the weekend. We are retreating to Desert Hot Springs at a really beautiful location and it's perfect to provide me a serene backdrop for a much needed break.

I was excited for this year's retreat because I had nothing to do with the planning of it. Last year I coordinated the event, and while I loved doing it, i also love not having any responsibility (I am such a slacker). So this weekend I am planning on relaxing.

But during our retreat, we also have a speaker. She is speaking on spiritual disciplines and her actual material is very good. The problem is I am not very engaged.

So being the bad "pastor's wife" I am, I am sitting in my room blogging and meditating (ok...actually napping) while I should be in the conference room listening to the speaker.
Now, not only am I ditching out on the speaker this morning.....but as a small group leader I actually encouraged my group last night-that if they needed more times to themselves- that they didn't have to come to small group. I mean-, our theme is tranquil spirit and if one needs more time to "relax & meditate" I wanted to give them the opportunity to do that.

Luckily, our small group had so much fun last night that I don't think anyone will skip out. And if they do, I will be jealous :-)

So as I am sitting here and reflecting, listening to the power of the Holy Spirit sway through the trees outside on a beautiful sunny, cloudless day, I am thankful.

i am thankful that my husband is not head pastor, he is only the associate at our church. That way I can more easily fly under the radar. I am thankful that when my husband does describe me to the church behind the pulpit he calls me his crazy wife. So in essence. there aren't any high expectations of spirituality and submissive discipline from me. I can happily sit in the back with the girls and I can just be me......and hopefully my disrespectful nature of giggling in the back row won't be too distracting.


Here's a pic of where I am staying

YAY for Sissy!

Ladies & Gentlemen-
I don't know how I did it- but I did.

I got my sister to finally post a comment on one of my posts!

AMAZING!

I didn't do the usual and say nice things about her or post a silly looking picture of her.

All I did was talk about my addition to Dr. Pepper.

I know she has been reading- but she has kept quiet and stalked my mind.

Welcome to the world of blogging Big Sister- yesterday was only one comment, but be careful- you may catch the addiction :-)

and P.S. mom did ruin us! lol. Oh...the golden cup-such good memories.

Hi...My Name is Baby , and I am an addict.

I have always enjoyed Dr. Pepper. Ever since I was a little girl it has been my drink of choice. As I have grown, I have gone through stages of how much I would drink. When I was in high school, I drank it all the time. My metabolism was fast due to being a volleyball player. In college- I used it as my no-doze for those nights that I had to stay up late writing a paper. But as i grew into a young adult and started having kids, I recognized how horrible soda is for your body. So I took a step back. i ordered water instead of soda or my beloved Dr. Pepper. I would, however, at parties or with certain foods indulge with a DP. (One must have a DP with clam dip at Christmas). Then ,when I was pregnant with Jeremiah, i went completely off caffeine. When I was pregnant with Riley, I let myself have an occasional drink. Since then, I have either stopped drinking for long periods of time, or completely binged on my favorite drink.

I mean.....soda is SOOO bad for you, and I want to be a healthy example for my kids. ( so of course I only let them take a tiny sip of my DP when I have it)

So when I was struggling with nausea in the beginning of my pregnancy- I gave into having a DP only now and then. It really was the only thing that at times would soothe my stomach. I had been off caffeine for 2 months- and I broke down. But I felt okay about it knowing that I would be responsible with my soda sipping.

Well now it's been 5 weeks since I began my "occasional" DP drinking days and I have to say honestly- I have become obsessed. It's disturbing to hear this- because i am completely appalled at myself. I wake up, and I think about what time of day I will get to have my one can of Dr. Pepper for the day. I envision a cold can and hear the crisp sound of the can opening up and then I begin to salivate at the thought of that first drink- that fuzzy, ice cold sweetness that flows through my mouth down into my stomach.
Now it can't be any soda- it has to be a Dr. Pepper. And it can't be bottled or from a soda fountain, it has to be a COLD can of Dr. Yummy.

I was driving to work today and I was thinking about lunch time when I get to have my little sweetness, and that's when it hit me.

My baby is addicted to Dr. Pepper.

Oh goodness- what have I done??????