A Happy Swimmer

This is my first time posting with a picture so I hope it comes out ok.

Here is Riley Girl happily swimming with Wes. He loves the water....
Even though you can't tell by his face.

Not in the U.S?

While in conversation, Riley argued,
" We aren't in the United States, we are in Big Bear. "
Then after being told we were in the US, she argued, " well we aren't
in California either, we are in big bear. "

" Riley, Big Bear is in California. "

"Ohhhh. "

Looks like we need to work on her geometry. ;-)
Sent from my iPhone

Two Weeks Away

So my 21st elementary school reunion is in 2 weeks.

Now before you question the 21st and balk at the idea of an elementary school reunion...lemme explain.

I went to a Catholic School. Yep..I was a catholic school girl all in plaid....but I wasn't naughty like Britney Spears.....bitchy maybe...but not naughty.

I went to school with the same people for 8 years! That's longer than high school and longer than my college years. So although there were times we were all sick of each other and we couldn't wait to get out of Holy Family......there were times that we were like family (a lot of love & hate).

My fellow Spartans were a huge part of my life and I have always been sad that I didn't do a better job of keeping in touch with them after we left HFS.

So with Facebook exploding and so many people joining many of us were able to reconnect. We were having a ton of fun reminiscing on FB that a reunion was mentioned.......and now it's 9 months later and only two weeks away.

I am really looking forward to it...but I am also, I must admit, ...a little nervous.

I am worried about none of the things that I thought I would be worried about.

If I were in my twenties and kid-less.....I would be probably already thinking about what I would wear...and my dress size. I would be eating less to lose those extra 5 pounds to look fit and toned.

But I haven't even thought about those things. To prove it.....I'll tell you that I ate bacon and cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Now that's a girl not worried about an extra 5 pounds!

But I am just a tad bit nervous for other reasons. I feel like I am such a different person than I was 20 years ago.....but also the same. I still have that "will they like me?" insecurity. Even more, there are things that i am not proud of....how I treated someone, something I said....or what I didn't do. Why wasn't I nice to her/him?

I'm nervous people will only remember the bad.....

But I am also hopeful and excited. I have forgotten many things and its fun to be reminded....or to learn the secrets that you never knew before.

Because when I think about my time at HFS I realize that there's a deep love there. I may not have always liked everyone.....but I do love them and it will be fun to see how they have grown and changed and become who they are now.

I know..... cheesy right?

Guilt

I'm feeling it......

I have made the decision and it's unthinkable.

I could try and change my mind....then the feeling of guilt wouldn't lay so heavy on me, but I just can't do it.

It started out with a simple excuse...I couldn't find my blender....but then I found my blender and the reality sunk in.

I just don't have the energy to do it....so I'm not.

So instead of this

my baby is getting this....

Sound Check

Check, Check.....Anyone out there?

Probably not.

My apologies will probably go unheard, but I'll put it out there anyway.

My dear blogger friends....I am so sorry I abandoned you.

I won't do it again.

I promise.

So many things have happened since I last left you.....

Here's a recap.

1. We bought a great house with great neighbors on a great street at Auction

2. We moved from the beautiful canal house

3. Wesley went from sleeping through the night....to not, to sleeping....to not then to sleeping again.

4. Paul left me for another woman.....JK....just checking to see if you are paying attention. He left left me for two Boy trips.....yep two......right in the middle of moving.

5. My blogging anniversary past......and I missed it.

6. My nephew turned 18 and I am officially feeling older.

7. My cute 8 year old went to camp for a week and I didn't freak out...okay...maybe just a little bit.

8. Endured a week of VBS and sticky glue on my hands. (I secretly love it)

9. Celebrated 12 years of marriage by a quiet evening out to dinner.

10. Missed my blogging world like crazy!

So there's a short version of the last 2 months. Its been hectic and crazy and I won't lie to you......it's been a rough two months. But I am coming out of the fog and I can see a little more clearly.....

So gear up.....cause I'm back!

Not So Much Lately

As you have noticed, I haven't blogged much lately.

Its not that I don't have much to say....I actually have alot stored up, but carpal tunnel has laid siege on my wrists and its just not fun sitting at the computer typing.

So I have been avoiding my mind, trying to keep it at bay. 

I actually thought of a new series I might start. It's called, "Things that get me in trouble".

I bet you are going crazy thinking about all the places I could go with that.  You know as a pastors wife, there's lots of things I shouldn't say, but want to. I actually started a post for that series, but had to delete it.....that's how much it would have gotten me in trouble.

Yep.....big trouble. heehee

So until my the pain in my wrists subsides a bit....enjoy the pic of Riley and Wes instead instead.

Save Now

In a Predicament

Yesterday in the middle of Costco I had an epiphany about myself.

I do what I feel.

When I go on vacation....I have a hard time packing because I like to wake up in the morning and decide what I FEEL like wearing.

I have a hard time planning meals because I like to decide what to make based upon what I FEEL like eating.

This is a problem.

While in Costco.....I couldn't figure out what to buy for meals. I got the basics....bread, bagels etc. But I had eaten lunch before I went to Costco so when I went shopping.....nothing sounded good to eat. Even the things I had thought of buying (putting on my list).....I couldn't bring myself to put in the cart because it didn't sound good.

Now...on the other hand.....the days I go to Costco hungry....I want to buy everything. The problem is I can't afford it....so I try to be disciplined and don't give in to the hunger. So much so that I don't put anything in my cart....again.

Sigh

How my family ever eats anything beside pasta is beyond me......

Doing It.

So there I was....standing in my kitchen making dinner.

Not just any ole macaroni and cheese dinner.....but an actual meat & potatoes dinner with salad to boot! For those of you that know me....that doesn't happen often. 

But there I was.......in the kitchen. Paul had taken Riley out for a bike ride to a little beach near our house (yes- I know, life is hard) and Jeremiah was playing Roller Coaster Tycoon on the computer.

With excitement and juberance....my sweet Riley comes bounding through the kitchen door with a huge smile on her face.

Paul follows her in...

"Mommy, Riley has something very exciting to tell you."

With the biggest smile on her face.....she shares that she just rode her bike for the first time without training wheels.

"I did it!" 

I gave her the biggest hug I could and smiled right back at her......as I looked into her face I don't think I have ever seen her look so proud of herself.

It's taken her awhile to learn how to ride on a bike.....and I didn't even know that Paul was gonna have her try on their bike ride.  It was such a pleasant surprise.

Before Paul walked out of the kitchen he told me that as soon as she was done.....she got off her bike and jumped into his arms. (I'm weepy just remembering him tell me that).

What a beautiful moment. 

...and I missed it.

I was sad, but I was more proud than anything.

When Paul walked out of the kitchen, I couldn't hold back my tears and they slid down my face as I sliced up the tri-tip.

I was teary for many reasons......but mostly because as my daughter and husband walked out of the kitchen, where I was cooking a family dinner into the living room to share with Jeremiah the exciting news, I realized.......

 that I had done it.

that I was doing it.

I had fulfilled a dream that I wasn't sure imaginable......

I had created a family......a whole family.

Growing up with a dysfunctional family I had always wanted a daddy to teach me to ride my bike.

I wanted family dinners where we sat down and talked......or not talked.

I wanted to come home to a house where I knew my mom and dad would be there.....to celebrate with me on all occasions.

So I stood there in the kitchen with tears of joy and amazement. I am continually amazed that I have been given the blessing of a wonderful marriage and beautiful healthy children. 

I am amazed that I can give my children what I didn't have.....and it brings me so much joy.

Easter Re-Cap

So after I wrote my last blog I rode my bike down to 2nd street to pick up a gift card for my sisters birthday. The store wasn't open yet, so I decided to waste time by browsing in "The Children's Place".

Wrong Move.

They were having a big sale.

On their spring dresses.

and I have a gift card.

I walked around the store thinking about how cute my little

 Riley would look in that dress....or how handsome Jeremiah would be in that vest. 

Luckily, I didn't get too caught up in the moment. Some how I snapped myself out of it....and walked out of the store empty handed.

It's all so easy. I realize my last blog could read a  bit scathing towards others' Easter traditions.....but I needed it. I easily can be distracted. I was glad I wrote that blog though...because I put my conviction out there for others to see. I knew if I showed up on Sunday in brand new outfits with my kids toting their new baskets- I would be put into check by my friends  (at least I hope my girls would keep me in check) AND my husband. 

And mostly...I would be missing the point.

Easter was wonderful this year. I spent time at the breakfast table sharing with the kids why we weren't doing baskets this year......and they were so okay with it. (in fact one didn't even notice they were missing). We spent time talking about what Easter means and why it's so important to us as Christians. 

I didn't worry about what they wore, (okay...not true....Miah got dressed in play clothes and I told him to go change into a nice shirt), and I didn't think about the perfect Family Easter picture. I just enjoyed the morning, sang kid praise songs with the kids on the way to church....

and loved being with my "family" while praising God for his sacrifice.

And even when I saw all the beautiful Easter outfits...especially this one, I didn't sigh. 

I recognized it's my conviction and I was happy with the decision I made.

On another note.....it was quite the busy week. Jeremiah turned 8, the Angels had opening day and Wes turned 7 weeks old.

Here's a few pics to recap the week.

EASTER SUNDAY

Opening Day of the Angels Game. 

We didn't make it to the game, but we dressed in our attire and

  drank RED juice for dinner in  honor of the halos.

Special moment

Miah's birthday breakfast.

Wes giving me the business.

I'm Not Buying Into it

This past Sunday I sat down at our table to enjoy some breakfast and the Sunday Paper before starting the whirlwind of getting ready for church. My favorite part of Sunday's paper is ....don't laugh......the Target Circular.  Yep...ever since I was a teenager I have been opening the paper to find my slice of shopper heaven. I love to peruse the circular for good sales and any "must need" (read "must want") items.

This past Sunday was no different. I opened the paper to find Target's Easter edition  circular.

I smiled as I glanced at the front page....the spring colors make me so happy. But as I continued turning the pages...my smile turned to a grimace and I quietly began cursing consumerism.  Every page was filled with all kind of sales enticing the buyers to get the perfect Easter gift or Easter outfit  for their child.

Since when did Easter become Christmas?

I'm sure it has slowly happened over time....but the marketing for Easter is turning into another   "Buy me and forget what the holiday is really about" event.

It makes my stomach turn- even though  I had already bought the kids their Easter things (they need those sand toys- REALLY! They did), I can't believe  how much we,Or maybe I should say....I can't believe how much I have bought into the idea that we need to get gifts and the perfect outfit for Easter.  

We are losing the meaning of Easter.  As it is, Easter is second rate to Christmas......and it shouldn't be. Easter is the reason why I go to church every week......it's the reason why I continue to love others and basically...the reason why I get up in the morning.

Someone freakin' died for me....and then....he became alive 3 days later. He beat death...so that I can live with him for eternity. He didn't bring me chocolates.....he brought me his body and blood. He didn't wear a chiffon dress or a 3 piece suit.....but a rag, a simple cloth to cover the niceties.

His gift was life.......and I can't buy that in any Target circular.

So yes- I have been on a high horse this week. 

I am refusing to buy my kids Easter outfits for church. They have plenty of clothes. 

I am refusing to make a basket for them. They get plenty of candy every other day as well as baskets from grandparents.

I am refusing to buy them toys- (although, I already bought the sand toys......)

I am refusing to buy into all this Easter stuff.

Yes...it's cute and it's fun and I'm sure on Sunday when I see all the pretty dresses and suits I will sigh and wish I would have gotten the kids something new, but I think it will help me to remember.......

it will help me to remember why I am not buying into the American Easter.....

It will help me remember the Resurrection.