Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Baby 's First pic
So here it is....for all to see, especially me, that this isn't a joke, I actually am pregnant. Even as I sat there watching them do the ultra sound I was halfway in denial that the baby moving on the monitor was in my tummy. I guess this really is happening.
Kinda makes me laugh.
I have made no secret that the first trimester has been a tough one, and even though I am in week 13, baby nausea still hasn't left me completely. I think it's because of the nausea that I get so mad. People laugh when I share that, but when you feel like you want to vomit all night, there aren't exactly good thoughts running through your mind. I get mad that Paul and I didn't make "his appt." sooner. I get mad that we had really great sex that led to this blessed situation. I just get mad.
Then I awake in the morning feeling well and different feelings fall over me. The thought of bike rides with a family of 5, or the picture of Jeremiah and Riley taking care of a little sibling just bring me joy.
I have to be honest and say the baby stage just doesn't excite me. But the thought of another child to love and care for is enough to make up for it. Friends all around me can't contain the sheer delight when they know I am pregnant. The most common reaction is "I am so SO excited for you!" But I can see it in their eyes, the feeling of "I'm glad it's her and not me". That makes me laugh too, but it makes me feel loved. I have this amazing community that will love this baby like no other, maybe not in the middle of the night or when it throws a screaming fit, but it will love the baby and love me through the process.
Maybe some of you reading this can't relate to my feelings. You maybe even a little offended that I am not jumping over myself that I have God's little creation in me. To you I do have to say, I am sorry if I have offended you. I know it's a gift and there are numbers of women who would jump at the chance to be in my situation. But I have to be honest and genuine with my heart and while I may not have been thrilled at first (that's an over statement if you read my earlier post) I am content and happy with what God has given me.......
just kidding , I AM excited about this new life growing in me. I am excited for what it means for my family and I feel honored that God has blessed me with probably something I didn't know I needed, but did.
So for all of you who will ask, because its been asked many times already, I don't know if I will find out the sex of the baby. I like to plan but it was fun having it be a surprise too. But when we know....you'll know, so until then.......no more baby talk :)