So here it is....for all to see, especially me, that this isn't a joke, I actually am pregnant. Even as I sat there watching them do the ultra sound I was halfway in denial that the baby moving on the monitor was in my tummy. I guess this really is happening.
Kinda makes me laugh.
I have made no secret that the first trimester has been a tough one, and even though I am in week 13, baby nausea still hasn't left me completely. I think it's because of the nausea that I get so mad. People laugh when I share that, but when you feel like you want to vomit all night, there aren't exactly good thoughts running through your mind. I get mad that Paul and I didn't make "his appt." sooner. I get mad that we had really great sex that led to this blessed situation. I just get mad.
Then I awake in the morning feeling well and different feelings fall over me. The thought of bike rides with a family of 5, or the picture of Jeremiah and Riley taking care of a little sibling just bring me joy.
I have to be honest and say the baby stage just doesn't excite me. But the thought of another child to love and care for is enough to make up for it. Friends all around me can't contain the sheer delight when they know I am pregnant. The most common reaction is "I am so SO excited for you!" But I can see it in their eyes, the feeling of "I'm glad it's her and not me". That makes me laugh too, but it makes me feel loved. I have this amazing community that will love this baby like no other, maybe not in the middle of the night or when it throws a screaming fit, but it will love the baby and love me through the process.
Maybe some of you reading this can't relate to my feelings. You maybe even a little offended that I am not jumping over myself that I have God's little creation in me. To you I do have to say, I am sorry if I have offended you. I know it's a gift and there are numbers of women who would jump at the chance to be in my situation. But I have to be honest and genuine with my heart and while I may not have been thrilled at first (that's an over statement if you read my earlier post) I am content and happy with what God has given me.......
BIGGER BOOBS!
just kidding , I AM excited about this new life growing in me. I am excited for what it means for my family and I feel honored that God has blessed me with probably something I didn't know I needed, but did.
So for all of you who will ask, because its been asked many times already, I don't know if I will find out the sex of the baby. I like to plan but it was fun having it be a surprise too. But when we know....you'll know, so until then.......no more baby talk :)
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9 comments:
I love those first pictures! I know that your excitement will grow as the little one does. So, here's a funny for you. I had a dream last night that I was a surrogate for someone and was carrying twins for them. At the last minute, they decided they didn't want kids and I had to keep them! This was terrifying because we did make "Bill's appointment" and got "things" taken care of.
Aww Great Post :)
I can't get past the "great sex" comment. ;)
You shouldn't have to apologize. I love that your feelings are real and raw My favorite pregnant memories are of my husbands simple solution to my nausea..."Why don't you just eat a saltine?" Sometimes I had visions of cramming saltine crackers in places where the sun don't shine (knowhatimean). I feel you....
May God bless the little army that your building. Here's to your quiverfull (raising an imaginary glass of moonshine brewed by the Sarah's homeschooled troops)!
;)
hi jen. i've been reading your blog for a few weeks and i have to say that this post gives me hope that i might actually one day be a mom. i'm definitely not someone who grew up dressing and burping dolls, waiting for the day when i could give birth to the less plastic variety.
thank you for your honesty. it aids my own recognition that buried alongside with my skepticism of parenting, and the young, is my desire to create, inform, and be enriched by another human with just a hint of my sassy sense of humor.
Our kids are going to have the same birthday I bet. It took Kipp and I am little while to get our minds around baby #2. Our life is really easy with just one. We kept telling ourselves that God is not going to give us more than we can handle.
I love that after 2 kids your guys still make time for great sex!! You're an inspiration.
You will never have to see it in my eyes, I will always say it straight to your face, "I'm glad it's you and not me."
Even the bigger boobs. You can have 'em.
hi--I found your blog through another friend. I am in much the same situation right now! While we did want #3...it happened sooner than expected. It is a different experience when it's a surprise pregnancy. Check out my blog for some similar sentiments!
Congrats!!!!!! You are doing your part for church growth...:)!
Yup, you'll see it in my eyes now, too, "SO glad it's you, not me!!!" The pregnancy, that is. Not the boobs. I'd like them, thank-you-very-much. Established nursing boobies just aren't the same as pregnant boobies.
Sigh.
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