Betrayal

A few weeks ago I found myself behind enemy lines.......

the McDonald's drive-thru.

For many of you that know me....you know that our family doesn't eat at McDonald's. For those of you that don't....here's a small recap.

About 4-5 years ago Paul and I watched "Super-Size Me" and read "Fast Food Nation". Just from that movie and book we made the decision not to go to McDonald's ever again.

Our decision wasn't so much based on how unhealthy the food was (although, that did help) but based on the the way Mickey D's does their business. We decided we didn't want to give our money to a company that sets such extremely low standards for the fast food industry. They have the biggest influence on the industry and they have made poor decisions in their business making that have badly affected our country's economy and waste line. I won't get on my soap box here....but if you want to know more...watch the movie.

So I have been McDonald's Free since then. At first it was hard because those fries just smell so darn good. It got even a little harder when our kids would ask why we couldn't eat there. After explaining to them in a way they could comprehend they finally got it. So much so that when someone took them to McDonald's they told us they didn't think that person cared about other people since they spend their money at the golden arches. (oops!).

So how did I find myself driving alone in the drive-thru?

I was doing a favor for a friend that did a favor for me. She let me borrow her car to go get something I needed, but in return I had to pick up her son's lunch at McD's.

So there I was.....with her money in hand.....and I wasn't "lovin it".

Even though I wasn't spending my money I still felt dirty.

I felt like I was a traitor.

I was even darting my eyes around hoping no one would see me.

But I didn't feel so bad when I ordered a Dr. Pepper for myself.

What?!?!?

I was thirsty.......and it was her money not mine.

I'm technically still Mickey D free right?

:-D

Teetering

So I have written 3 blogs on the state of my current emotional state over the past few months that I have not published.

And for my own safety, I don't think I will.

If I publish them some people might want to commit me to a psychiatric ward.

HA!

I always used to say that having 3 kids would send me over the edge.

And some days I teeter there hanging by a thin thread of sanity.

It's not easy, especially with my hormones continuing to surge up, down, and all around.

Some days are great! and others are just plain hard leaving me in tears. But I know it's only temporary.

That's why I am thankful for all my friends that are patient with me, with family that helps when they can, and for a husband that goes above and beyond his call of duty.

On another note.......I don't think having a handful of peanut butter filled pretzels is called a healthy lunch.

I blame it on the hormones.

Sometimes Mommy makes me wear silly things on my head for her
entertainment.

Bad Habit

When I am overwhelmed and tired I procrastinate.

I should be doing lots of other things right now.

I should be

cleaning.

organizing.

planning

paying bills

going to the bank

calling back friends

but all I want to do is fall on the couch and watch a movie....

Some people call it laziness......I call it coping.

only a 1/2 hr till Little Wes wakes up....not enough time to watch a movie.

cue sad face.

I'll need to find a another way to cope with stress

or maybe I'll just watch my movies in pieces.

Yep...sad but true.

Good vs. Evil.

In the eyes of Wesley this is EVIL......

......and this is GOOD.

Again.....

GOOD = not only interested in food but eating food and smiling.

While EVIL leads to disinterest, crying, no eating and ultimately not sleeping cuz he's still hungry.

The blue highchair was given to us......

I bought the "happy" chair as it is now called at Ikea for $25.

And It's worth.

Every.

Penny.

Pure Entertainment

If you are looking for some light, fun and daily entertainment.

Check out my hubby's blog. He's doing a cleanse.

yea...a cleanse.

and he is blogging everyday about it.

It makes me giggle smile.

But then again I am biased.

Head on over here to see if t makes you laugh too.

Because anyone who looks like this for their profile picture has to be funny.

When life gets you down.....

this always makes me feel better......

Choosing

While in church on Sunday we sang the song, "Made to Worship" by Chris Tomlin. It's a great song and I always get a little choked up singing it.

(okay......SO I get choked up singing a lot of songs...I'm an emotional person, what can I say?)

The chorus always gets me and i never really thought deeply about why it does...until today.

Here's why...

Over the summer I have been thinking a lot about why people decide to all of a sudden stop going to church....or even why they stop going to one church and go to another (but that's another post).

Let's face it ...there will always be excuses of why people stop going to church. And I hear A LOT of them. Being a pastor's wife, people sometimes think I am the church police and feel like they need to explain why they weren't at church on Sunday.

and sometimes it bothers me. It bothers me because it's not my job to take roll. Heck...there are times when I don't want to go to church...and GASP! there are even times when I don't go because I need a break from "church".

And actually, I don't think God takes roll either.

Going to church isn't about going because it makes us better people and we know we should go. It's not about wearing cute outfits and getting our cool cups of coffee. Neither is church about getting our fill for the week and getting God's Word ingrained into our hearts.....its about so much more.

These lyrics to me explain why we go to church.....

"You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free
You and I embrace surrender
You and I choose to believe
You and I will see who we were meant to be"

If you believe in God....then you believe he created you. God created humanity to worship Him and to love others.

These lyrics aren't pertaining to "church" but Church CAN (if done the right way) be a great place to do that.

...but it's your choice to go.

it's your choice to worship

It's your choice to love others and be in community with others

No matter how many excuses one gives.....or how big the excuse is.....it's a choice.

I know what I choose....and even on the days I don't wanna...I still choose it.

Because thats where I feel most me.

Not so cold

Jeremiah just slid down the water slide. Water is a bit cold... But
not so cold he came out with a smile on his face. It's a shame he's
not having fun.

We love Big Bear

Here is a shot of Big Bear Lake as we chairlift at Alpine Slides. It
was a glorious day and I can't help but be full of awe that we get to
visit such a peaceful place.

A Happy Swimmer

This is my first time posting with a picture so I hope it comes out ok.

Here is Riley Girl happily swimming with Wes. He loves the water....
Even though you can't tell by his face.

Not in the U.S?

While in conversation, Riley argued,
" We aren't in the United States, we are in Big Bear. "
Then after being told we were in the US, she argued, " well we aren't
in California either, we are in big bear. "

" Riley, Big Bear is in California. "

"Ohhhh. "

Looks like we need to work on her geometry. ;-)
Sent from my iPhone

Two Weeks Away

So my 21st elementary school reunion is in 2 weeks.

Now before you question the 21st and balk at the idea of an elementary school reunion...lemme explain.

I went to a Catholic School. Yep..I was a catholic school girl all in plaid....but I wasn't naughty like Britney Spears.....bitchy maybe...but not naughty.

I went to school with the same people for 8 years! That's longer than high school and longer than my college years. So although there were times we were all sick of each other and we couldn't wait to get out of Holy Family......there were times that we were like family (a lot of love & hate).

My fellow Spartans were a huge part of my life and I have always been sad that I didn't do a better job of keeping in touch with them after we left HFS.

So with Facebook exploding and so many people joining many of us were able to reconnect. We were having a ton of fun reminiscing on FB that a reunion was mentioned.......and now it's 9 months later and only two weeks away.

I am really looking forward to it...but I am also, I must admit, ...a little nervous.

I am worried about none of the things that I thought I would be worried about.

If I were in my twenties and kid-less.....I would be probably already thinking about what I would wear...and my dress size. I would be eating less to lose those extra 5 pounds to look fit and toned.

But I haven't even thought about those things. To prove it.....I'll tell you that I ate bacon and cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Now that's a girl not worried about an extra 5 pounds!

But I am just a tad bit nervous for other reasons. I feel like I am such a different person than I was 20 years ago.....but also the same. I still have that "will they like me?" insecurity. Even more, there are things that i am not proud of....how I treated someone, something I said....or what I didn't do. Why wasn't I nice to her/him?

I'm nervous people will only remember the bad.....

But I am also hopeful and excited. I have forgotten many things and its fun to be reminded....or to learn the secrets that you never knew before.

Because when I think about my time at HFS I realize that there's a deep love there. I may not have always liked everyone.....but I do love them and it will be fun to see how they have grown and changed and become who they are now.

I know..... cheesy right?

Guilt

I'm feeling it......

I have made the decision and it's unthinkable.

I could try and change my mind....then the feeling of guilt wouldn't lay so heavy on me, but I just can't do it.

It started out with a simple excuse...I couldn't find my blender....but then I found my blender and the reality sunk in.

I just don't have the energy to do it....so I'm not.

So instead of this

my baby is getting this....

Sound Check

Check, Check.....Anyone out there?

Probably not.

My apologies will probably go unheard, but I'll put it out there anyway.

My dear blogger friends....I am so sorry I abandoned you.

I won't do it again.

I promise.

So many things have happened since I last left you.....

Here's a recap.

1. We bought a great house with great neighbors on a great street at Auction

2. We moved from the beautiful canal house

3. Wesley went from sleeping through the night....to not, to sleeping....to not then to sleeping again.

4. Paul left me for another woman.....JK....just checking to see if you are paying attention. He left left me for two Boy trips.....yep two......right in the middle of moving.

5. My blogging anniversary past......and I missed it.

6. My nephew turned 18 and I am officially feeling older.

7. My cute 8 year old went to camp for a week and I didn't freak out...okay...maybe just a little bit.

8. Endured a week of VBS and sticky glue on my hands. (I secretly love it)

9. Celebrated 12 years of marriage by a quiet evening out to dinner.

10. Missed my blogging world like crazy!

So there's a short version of the last 2 months. Its been hectic and crazy and I won't lie to you......it's been a rough two months. But I am coming out of the fog and I can see a little more clearly.....

So gear up.....cause I'm back!

Not So Much Lately

As you have noticed, I haven't blogged much lately.

Its not that I don't have much to say....I actually have alot stored up, but carpal tunnel has laid siege on my wrists and its just not fun sitting at the computer typing.

So I have been avoiding my mind, trying to keep it at bay. 

I actually thought of a new series I might start. It's called, "Things that get me in trouble".

I bet you are going crazy thinking about all the places I could go with that.  You know as a pastors wife, there's lots of things I shouldn't say, but want to. I actually started a post for that series, but had to delete it.....that's how much it would have gotten me in trouble.

Yep.....big trouble. heehee

So until my the pain in my wrists subsides a bit....enjoy the pic of Riley and Wes instead instead.

Save Now

In a Predicament

Yesterday in the middle of Costco I had an epiphany about myself.

I do what I feel.

When I go on vacation....I have a hard time packing because I like to wake up in the morning and decide what I FEEL like wearing.

I have a hard time planning meals because I like to decide what to make based upon what I FEEL like eating.

This is a problem.

While in Costco.....I couldn't figure out what to buy for meals. I got the basics....bread, bagels etc. But I had eaten lunch before I went to Costco so when I went shopping.....nothing sounded good to eat. Even the things I had thought of buying (putting on my list).....I couldn't bring myself to put in the cart because it didn't sound good.

Now...on the other hand.....the days I go to Costco hungry....I want to buy everything. The problem is I can't afford it....so I try to be disciplined and don't give in to the hunger. So much so that I don't put anything in my cart....again.

Sigh

How my family ever eats anything beside pasta is beyond me......

Doing It.

So there I was....standing in my kitchen making dinner.

Not just any ole macaroni and cheese dinner.....but an actual meat & potatoes dinner with salad to boot! For those of you that know me....that doesn't happen often. 

But there I was.......in the kitchen. Paul had taken Riley out for a bike ride to a little beach near our house (yes- I know, life is hard) and Jeremiah was playing Roller Coaster Tycoon on the computer.

With excitement and juberance....my sweet Riley comes bounding through the kitchen door with a huge smile on her face.

Paul follows her in...

"Mommy, Riley has something very exciting to tell you."

With the biggest smile on her face.....she shares that she just rode her bike for the first time without training wheels.

"I did it!" 

I gave her the biggest hug I could and smiled right back at her......as I looked into her face I don't think I have ever seen her look so proud of herself.

It's taken her awhile to learn how to ride on a bike.....and I didn't even know that Paul was gonna have her try on their bike ride.  It was such a pleasant surprise.

Before Paul walked out of the kitchen he told me that as soon as she was done.....she got off her bike and jumped into his arms. (I'm weepy just remembering him tell me that).

What a beautiful moment. 

...and I missed it.

I was sad, but I was more proud than anything.

When Paul walked out of the kitchen, I couldn't hold back my tears and they slid down my face as I sliced up the tri-tip.

I was teary for many reasons......but mostly because as my daughter and husband walked out of the kitchen, where I was cooking a family dinner into the living room to share with Jeremiah the exciting news, I realized.......

 that I had done it.

that I was doing it.

I had fulfilled a dream that I wasn't sure imaginable......

I had created a family......a whole family.

Growing up with a dysfunctional family I had always wanted a daddy to teach me to ride my bike.

I wanted family dinners where we sat down and talked......or not talked.

I wanted to come home to a house where I knew my mom and dad would be there.....to celebrate with me on all occasions.

So I stood there in the kitchen with tears of joy and amazement. I am continually amazed that I have been given the blessing of a wonderful marriage and beautiful healthy children. 

I am amazed that I can give my children what I didn't have.....and it brings me so much joy.

Easter Re-Cap

So after I wrote my last blog I rode my bike down to 2nd street to pick up a gift card for my sisters birthday. The store wasn't open yet, so I decided to waste time by browsing in "The Children's Place".

Wrong Move.

They were having a big sale.

On their spring dresses.

and I have a gift card.

I walked around the store thinking about how cute my little

 Riley would look in that dress....or how handsome Jeremiah would be in that vest. 

Luckily, I didn't get too caught up in the moment. Some how I snapped myself out of it....and walked out of the store empty handed.

It's all so easy. I realize my last blog could read a  bit scathing towards others' Easter traditions.....but I needed it. I easily can be distracted. I was glad I wrote that blog though...because I put my conviction out there for others to see. I knew if I showed up on Sunday in brand new outfits with my kids toting their new baskets- I would be put into check by my friends  (at least I hope my girls would keep me in check) AND my husband. 

And mostly...I would be missing the point.

Easter was wonderful this year. I spent time at the breakfast table sharing with the kids why we weren't doing baskets this year......and they were so okay with it. (in fact one didn't even notice they were missing). We spent time talking about what Easter means and why it's so important to us as Christians. 

I didn't worry about what they wore, (okay...not true....Miah got dressed in play clothes and I told him to go change into a nice shirt), and I didn't think about the perfect Family Easter picture. I just enjoyed the morning, sang kid praise songs with the kids on the way to church....

and loved being with my "family" while praising God for his sacrifice.

And even when I saw all the beautiful Easter outfits...especially this one, I didn't sigh. 

I recognized it's my conviction and I was happy with the decision I made.

On another note.....it was quite the busy week. Jeremiah turned 8, the Angels had opening day and Wes turned 7 weeks old.

Here's a few pics to recap the week.

EASTER SUNDAY

Opening Day of the Angels Game. 

We didn't make it to the game, but we dressed in our attire and

  drank RED juice for dinner in  honor of the halos.

Special moment

Miah's birthday breakfast.

Wes giving me the business.

I'm Not Buying Into it

This past Sunday I sat down at our table to enjoy some breakfast and the Sunday Paper before starting the whirlwind of getting ready for church. My favorite part of Sunday's paper is ....don't laugh......the Target Circular.  Yep...ever since I was a teenager I have been opening the paper to find my slice of shopper heaven. I love to peruse the circular for good sales and any "must need" (read "must want") items.

This past Sunday was no different. I opened the paper to find Target's Easter edition  circular.

I smiled as I glanced at the front page....the spring colors make me so happy. But as I continued turning the pages...my smile turned to a grimace and I quietly began cursing consumerism.  Every page was filled with all kind of sales enticing the buyers to get the perfect Easter gift or Easter outfit  for their child.

Since when did Easter become Christmas?

I'm sure it has slowly happened over time....but the marketing for Easter is turning into another   "Buy me and forget what the holiday is really about" event.

It makes my stomach turn- even though  I had already bought the kids their Easter things (they need those sand toys- REALLY! They did), I can't believe  how much we,Or maybe I should say....I can't believe how much I have bought into the idea that we need to get gifts and the perfect outfit for Easter.  

We are losing the meaning of Easter.  As it is, Easter is second rate to Christmas......and it shouldn't be. Easter is the reason why I go to church every week......it's the reason why I continue to love others and basically...the reason why I get up in the morning.

Someone freakin' died for me....and then....he became alive 3 days later. He beat death...so that I can live with him for eternity. He didn't bring me chocolates.....he brought me his body and blood. He didn't wear a chiffon dress or a 3 piece suit.....but a rag, a simple cloth to cover the niceties.

His gift was life.......and I can't buy that in any Target circular.

So yes- I have been on a high horse this week. 

I am refusing to buy my kids Easter outfits for church. They have plenty of clothes. 

I am refusing to make a basket for them. They get plenty of candy every other day as well as baskets from grandparents.

I am refusing to buy them toys- (although, I already bought the sand toys......)

I am refusing to buy into all this Easter stuff.

Yes...it's cute and it's fun and I'm sure on Sunday when I see all the pretty dresses and suits I will sigh and wish I would have gotten the kids something new, but I think it will help me to remember.......

it will help me to remember why I am not buying into the American Easter.....

It will help me remember the Resurrection.

Things I Love #5

They Say Cleanliness is next to Godliness. I don't know how true this statement is, but I believe godliness can be applied to the best appliance to keep wood floors clean.

People......The Swiffer Vac is next to godliness in my book.

Yes, I know it sounds blasphemous (especially coming from a pastor's wife) but if you haven't had an chance to behold it's greatness than do not judge. I have fallen quickly in love with this appliance and I can't imagine my life without it.

I have lived in a house with all wood floors for almost 7 years. Our floor was constantly decorated by  bunnies, crumbs, and dirt. Even with sweeping with all kinds of brooms, our floor always looked dirty.

I don't know how the Swiffer Vac went under my radar, but I had never heard of it....until 4 weeks ago when a dear friend,  Leslie, bought me one when we were doing a 'Super Clean" to get the house ready to "show".  She plugged it in and showed me how it picks up everything a normal broom doesn't....and it was so easy, it was almost fun.

One use.....and I was an addict. I immediately starting cleaning my floors anytime I could, even if they were already clean. I loved watching those little bunnies get sucked up into the vac and even more......my floors looked brilliant!

Now we are house hunting and you better believe that any house we buy will have wood floors just so I can use my Swiffer Vac.

So if you have wood floors....and don't own a Swiffer Vac, do yourself a favor and run directly to your nearest Target....don't stop for a diet coke and popcorn on your way in...just march yourself directly to the cleaning aisle and pick your self up a Swiffer Vac. You'll be so glad you did.

Your little dust bunnies can't escape now......

I Told Ya So!

Yes...I am hearing the many voices of all friends and family that have uttered the phrases,

"This baby will be such a blessing"

"You are gonna love him the moment he is born"

"You won't be able to imagine your life without him"

The moment before little Wesley was born, there was a moment. It was rather spiritual and emotional and overwhelming.

Even up to that moment I was still in somewhat of denial that I was going to be responsible for a new little life.

It was a moment that peace just washed over me and I knew that without a doubt I would never be sorry that God gave us Wesley.

All those months of hearing friends and family trying to be encouraging through my phase of whining, crying, complaining and mopey-ness now came into earshot of a big resounding....

"I Told Ya So!"

Yes, from the moment I laid eyes on him I couldn't imagine the White family without him.

I couldn't imagine us ever not wanting a third child. Our little Wes is perfect ad beautiful and already has taken a chunk of our hearts.

So dear friends...thank you for being good listeners and not scolding me when I was in my emo state of mind.  You were gentle and loving and just let me feel whatever it was I was feeling at the moment.

This gorgeous little boy has been prayed for and loved tremendously and I am so thankful for the people in my life that encouraged us through it.

So you can say I told ya so all you want....go ahead, rub my nose in it. 

It feels good :-)

On another note.......I haven't been blogging much lately. I am either sleeping, packing or taking care of Wes....so in my absence read my funny husband's blog, reluctant but faithful.

He is trying to blog everyday for lent and he actually has some good stuff.

So check it out and leave a comment. He thinks nobody likes him.

and I'll do my best to post a picture or two of my little circus animal.

Daddy likes to style his hair.......

What's in a Name- Introducing My Circus Animal

Today we brought home our beautiful baby boy.

Wesley Wendell White was Born Thursday, February 19th at 6lbs, 13oz and 20 in. long.

He is absolutely beautiful (of course I am biased) and I have already switched to the "I can't imagine my life without him" gear.

A few months ago,  I posted a "A Baby Naming Contest" blog to see if anyone wanted to try and guess the name we picked out. And true to my word,  I am posting the winners.

No one actually guessed the first name....accept "Anonymous." But my thought is,  if you post anonymous, you might as well not post :-)

But two people guessed the middle name. It took a while....but they finally got it...and within  only a few hours of each other. The winners are.....

First Place- Diane Davis

Second Place- Edie Finnell.

To be truthful...I had a feeling these girls might guess it since they are both avid readers.

So why Wesley Wendell White?

Well a friend of mine, Elizabeth,  wrote a beautiful post on her blog and I encourage you to read it here. She put  into words some of the things I don't know how. I have to say after reading it, I wished I had thought of some of those reasons, but I hadn't. But her prayer is what fills my heart with hope, that Wesley will grow into the meaning of his name.

To be honest....both Paul and I just really liked the name Wesley. We wanted a W name.....cuz let's face it...who doesn't like alliteration? We hadn't even thought of the theologian until a few weeks ago....but that's okay.

Wendell is the name that Paul without a doubt wanted. Wendell is named after the writer Wendell Berry. Paul has read many of his books and poetry and he is a man that he highly respects and loves. After reading some of his stuff, I would have to agree. His heart and thoughts are so rich and full of so many rich things...things that truly matter in this crazy world.

While I was in labor, Paul read aloud some of his poems. There was one in particular I really liked, and it happened to be one of Paul's favorites too. In fact....after we announced the name...a close friend posted this exact poem on our facebook wall without even knowing that we had read it.

"When despair grows in me

and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief.

I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting for their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free."

~ 'The Peace of Wild Things' -- by Wendell Berry

Reading that just takes my breathe away....as does looking at Wesley. 

I love his name.....and it holds so much meaning and hope for me. I also love all the little nicknames emerging from friends and family.

There's Dub Dub, Triple Dub, The Web, and the funniest which Jeremiah came up with....Mr. Fire Engine ("Cuz he sounds like a fire engine when he cries!")

So Welcome lil Wes.....my sweet little wanderer Wes.

Forgetful People- Lesson #1

Our Church is currently working it's way through the book of Exodus. 

Exodus is actually one of the more exciting books in the Old Testament with lots of action going on with plagues, slaughtered lambs over doors, combustible bushes,  and it's very own Survivor Man but with a group of people instead of one.

I am always amazed at how I can learn something new from scripture that I somehow didn't "get" before.

This time there are two things that have struck me....one that gets to my heart and the other to my theology.

The first one is that the Israelites were such forgetful people (the second I will blog about tomorrow). They continue to see God's power save them over and over again....and yet they constantly complained in the wilderness. 

Let's face it, they were babies.

God splits the Red Sea for  them to walk through and keeps them safe from the Egyptians and a few days later they are wining to Moses about how they should have stayed in Egypt. 

God delivers them out of slavery....the beatings and sweatshop conditions and they cry to Moses about how awful God is to them.

Over and over they cry and complain......and yet, God in His lovingness...still saves them, still delivers them, still provides for them.....and still loves them.

I don't know about you but I would have dropped them like a (insert funny pop culture reference here-and feel free to post in comments) and looked to another group of people.

But as I was reading this time, I felt like I was looking in a mirror. How many times have I been delivered, saved and provided for....and yet I still doubt God. For the most part...I trust God....but then there are those stressful moments that I freak out, panic and have anxiety.

This series comes at a good time for me. Here I am about to have a baby any day and we put our house on the market to sell. I mean that's CRAZINESS. Normally, I would have been freaking out and worried about everything...if we will sell, how we will live, where we will, and how we can do all this while adjusting to a newborn.

But going through this series with our church has caused me to look back and see how God has parted the seas in my life

how He has delivered me from bad situations 

and how He has always provided what I needed.

......and I am done stressing, wining and complaining. I don't want to be like the Israelites any longer. When a unexpected bill comes, I don't want to be stressed. I want to be confident in God's provision for me.

And I can finally say that I am. I feel at peace with God leading us. We don't know what house we will be in nor how things will go with having a third baby....but I know My God is with me, He is mighty to Save.

He has been faithful to me in all my days, and now I know....in my heart and mind that He is with me....he dwells with me wherever I go.

It feels good to be on this side of things rather than the stressful side. Friends comment that I must be going crazy with all the things to do...have a baby, pack etc etc.

But I just smile....because I don't feel overwhelmed, or stressed...I feel God's peace, His provision and His ability to part the Seas, send Manna from Heaven and provide water through rocks.

Beginning to Grieve

 This is the first house I have ever lived in.

The very first one.

I grew up in the same apartment, lived in dorms, got married and lived in more apartments. 

It was always my dream to live in a real house.

7 Years ago, my dream became reality when we bought this little house on Harvey Way. 

Jeremiah was only 18 months and I was pregnant with Riley at the time. We had no idea what to look for when purchasing our home, but we were up for the adventure. We found this house the first day we went looking, and 30 days later closed escrow.

The beauty of our home is that we are not the sole owners. The church that Paul works for helped us to buy this home. They put down a hefty down payment with our down payment and share the equity with us. So even though it is our home...it is their home as well. Some may not have liked that kind of situation, but we have loved it. It has helped us keep things in perspective as well as given us the opportunity to do something we couldn't have ever done without them.

Over the past 7 years it has been a blessing to see the congregation of our church take care of us....and their investment. If we ever needed work done.....people have always been there to help. We have a patio, a completely remodeled bathroom, a finished garage, a new gate, a garden in the front and a remodeled bedroom because of the time people took to help us "do it ourselves" (when we all know Paul and I couldn't have done it ourselves!). It truly has become God's house to me. I know that sounds corny.....but I look around our house and I see the many faces of those in our congregation that have passed through our doorway for not only a party or a meal....but also to give their sweat to make the house better for us.

It makes me love my house even more if it was solely our house.

So today....I say with great excitement that we sold our house. I am still in shock that with the market the way it is...we sold it in less than a week. It goes into escrow tomorrow morning and if all goes well......a new couple will be blessed by the hands that have loved this house.

But I am also very sad, and recognize that for a while, I will need to grieve the selling of our home.

My first home.

The home where Jeremiah and Riley have both grown up.

The home that I have sometimes loved to hate....but I have always loved.

The home where our toddlers have done naked runs in the circle of our home after bath-time.

The home where we march to "pajama time".

The home where we created memories with our church community and family community.

The home of Oscar parties and college/young adult get togethers.

The home where our little "surprise" will come home to, only to move out a few weeks later.

It's the home of so many memories and so many dreams come true.

and soon it will be time to say good-bye.

And I'm keenly aware of God's abundant blessing in all this.......and feel overwhelmed by it.

Things I Love #4

I Love Paul's art. 

When we first started dating  I was a little scared off by his creative mind. The paintings in his room were on the "weirder" side and reminded me of aliens in scary movies. But his people and his style grew on me and I have come to love his "lanky people"....

 NO...I have come to LOVE them.

I know he doesn't think so, but I think he's talented. He has a perspective not seen in commercial art and it's fresh and different. He has also played with shapes and geometry in some of his paintings and they have turned out really good. 

When he became a pastor he started using art as a media for ministry and even now sometimes will use his paintings in his sermons which is kinda cool.

I love having the opportunity to change the decor of my house based on one of his paintings. Here are a few in our house that I took quick snapshots of.....

I love this painting. Paul did this after our daughter Riley was born. I love 

it so much that it inspired the baby's room........

I have never been able to decorate a room for a baby. 

Jeremiah was born at a time when we lived in Princeton in a tiny one bedroom apt. When we had Riley, she slept in the "office" until she was 3 months old- then she moved into big brother Jeremiah's room. So I had fun putting together a room for our little surprise. Although he was unplanned.....just like the picture, he will be met with much joy when he is finally born.

This is probably my favorite of Paul's pieces.

 The lighting and camera don't do it justice. Paul calls it "Rest for the Weary" and he painted it at the end of a long quarter of Greek while in seminary. When I worked for a printing company, we had a few printed framing it in black with scripture (Matt. 11: 28-30) at the bottom. 

It turned out beautiful...and still waits for us to frame it and put it up.  But I still love the original and it always is up on one of our walls in our house.

Here's a piece currently in our living room. I love all the colors and textures he uses with the brush....wish the camera could show those.

This is a bit of a sentimental piece. Paul gave this to me the first year we were married. He'll probably get mad I even posted this piece. I wish it was out for all to see in my house, but it's been put up in our bedroom on a wall that people don't look at. Maybe at our new house it will have a more prominent place. 

So there's just a few pieces....ones that I love and I would take with me wherever I go.

Things I Love #3

I have a ridiculous infatuation with the tv show Friday Night Lights.

I heart FNL.

I love me some Lost and the Office ( more of my faves), but there is something about Friday Night Lights that captures so many parts of me.

I tell everyone about the show....and I insist they try it out. I even force my season 1 & 2 dvd's on them.  I tell them to give it 3 episodes and  they will be hooked.

You know what? Anyone who I have pushed the show on has absolutely loved it (even a husband of  a friend of mine).

It's not really about football.....but lets be realistic, it can be.

But its more than that.....the story-telling is so authentic and real....you never know what a character will say or not say. 

Yes, it can be "soapy" but not in a bad way. You almost come away believing that what you are watching are real people, dealing with real things.

I read many things about this show and one of things I appreciate is the art that goes into making this show. There is so much room for creativity.....that it allows the actors to ad-lib and have input to what their character might say or do.

Nothing illustrates this better than the amazing chemistry between Coach and his wife Tami. Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton are amazing in these roles and I love to watch them weave their way through the obstacles that come their way.

There is no better relationship on tv that displays such authenticity for a married couple. Period.

I love this show, and I encourage you to borrow my season 1 dvd or rent it from netflix and hop onto to season 3. You won't be that far behind.

Besides the heartwarming stories and good laughs.....there is some great eye candy in Taylor Kitsch's "Riggins"....by the end of season two you will be wishing you were his rally girl.

Btw- FNL is on NBC, Friday Nights at 9pm. 

Watch it....you won't be sorry.

Back Online with Some Ramblings

Sorry about the extended blogging vacation, my mind has been mush and not capable of putting together whole thoughts.

It's actually still not ready, so I have compiled a list of thoughts that have been swimming in my little brain the past two weeks. Here they are for you to enjoy:

1. Did anyone see Grey's Anatomy two weeks ago? The end was ridiculously good. It reminded me of the old Grey's that held depth and meaning. After a 3 episode arc of a serial killer trying to die in the hospital rather that by lethal injection (which I think Eric Stolz, of the old school movie, "Some kind of Wonderful" played creepily and brilliantly) it ended with such a moving scene it brought me to literal sobs. Meredith, our heroine, we are learning has a compassionate side...even for those undeserving people that have no remorse for the horrible things they have done to people. Such is the case between serial killer and Meredith.  A unique relationship develops between the two and without apology they kind of understand each other. Anyway....he asks if she will come to his "death" so "there's at least one friendly face in the place."

She does.....and what happens is an astonishing picture of grace. Our heroine goes to this man's "death", a man who has killed quite a few women without any apology.....just for the fun of it and she gives him a friendly face as he is pumped with enough drugs to take him to the other side. After its over, she walks out to her boyfriend and collapses in sobs. She cries she just wanted to give him a little bit of compassion, and it was horrible.

sniff sniff.

Grace isn't easy. Grace shouldn't be easy.....and at times it can feel horrible to give. Just think back to the most amazing grace ever given.....on a cross......and it was horrible.

Sometimes as believers we sugar coat grace....and I loved that a TV show could actually show an accurate description of what it can be like.

2.  I am a crazy woman for agreeing with my husband to sell my house in the midst of about to have a baby. 

3. If another person tells me that my little circus animal in utero needs to stay in longer to grow, I will punch them. 

Seriously.

It's time for him to come out.....any day little guy.....please today.

4. I wish I had a house cleaner. I think the govn't should pay for house cleaners. It would help our health care system by reducing the number of people being sick from dirty houses.

5. I have the most amazing friends....both near and far. Just the other day a group of girls surprised me with a yummy breakfast brought to my home along with gifts for our little circus animal.

6. I am hoping I can go hear Greg Mortenson talk at Long Beach Wilson. He's the author of , "Three Cups of Tea". A fantastic book if you are looking for  a good read.

7.  I am hoping I can sleep longer than 2 hour periods in the night.

that's all I got.....I know there's more, but the mind has completely mushed.

Til next time dear readers.....

Baby on a Leash

My daughter loves dogs. Ever since she  could talk she has been asking for us to get her a dog.

Every time we say...maybe someday. It will take a long time for my dog hating husband to be talked into such a purchase...but we don't tell her that.  Actually I shouldn't be too hard on my husband because hate is a strong word. He just really dislikes everything that comes along with a dog...the smell and the dirty fur and the slobber that makes him want to wash his hands. He does like some dogs....as long as they aren't his. So until our kids can care for a dog, we won't be getting one.

So my sweet little girl had a play date with a friend yesterday. We arrived at their home to find that they added a new addition to their a family......an adorable dog. I knew immediately this could be bad news for me. Riley spent the whole time at their house in the backyard playing with the dog, putting her leash on and running around the pool and feeding her treats. But her smiles quickly turned to sadness when it was time to leave. 

She came into the house  and cuddled up to me with a frown on her house. I inquired what was wrong and the following conversation ensued:

"Mommy, why can't we get a dog?"

"Honey.....we'll get a dog someday."

"But why can't we get a dog now?"

"Because you'll be getting something better in just a few weeks."

Riley gives me the sad face.

"what's that?"

"You'll be getting a baby brother"

"But Mommy, you can't walk a baby!"

I smile trying to get her to smile....., "Sure you can honey, we can just put him in a stroller and push him along on a walk."

By now..It thought for sure a smile would break across her face.

But no......her reply was this,

"But Mommy, you can't walk a baby with a leash!!!"

huh, nope, I guess you can't.

Dog-1

Baby-0

Things I love #2.

I LOVE this bush.

Yes, I know it's silly...but yesterday and today I couldn't stop being thankful for this very bushy, thorny ugly bush, and I will love it til the day I die.

Why you ask.

Because Wednesday night as I was rushing out of the house  I fell off the porch backwards into these bushes.

And this particular bush caught my big ole pregnant self (if you look carefully, you can see where my arse broke the bush).

So instead of a broken back and possibly putting myself into pre-term labor, this wonderful, beautiful and generous bush gave me scratches and bruises.

Thank you Bush. I love you!

An Apology

So...in my last post I made a comment that I make no apologies.....

but today I do.

While my "crazy pregnant" post was one that was said in sarcastic humor and meant to be funny.....it's been brought to my attention that it can be read with insensitivity and can be hurtful to those who do have large families.

So I apologize. I meant no harm and in no way was i trying to be demeaning in what I wrote.

I was just trying to make funny of a situation many can relate to....and I realize that in re-reading my post that it can be taken in a mean way.  So I am really sorry if I offended anyone.

However.....with  that being said....I was referring exclusively to  the Duggar Family with 18 kids. (even though in my post I didn't really make that clear)

Do I still think they are crazy?

Yes.

But that's because we all have crazy in us.

My crazy just won't manifest itself in being pregnant 18 times. It will probably be something even crazier.